I Can't _____, But I Can ____

Today I was just sitting at my desk, enjoying a much needed silent little break.  I was think about a couple friends who are pregnant and the fact that, yes, I'm jealous.  Not big angry/bitter jealous just silent, slightly sad jealous.  Then another friend messaged me (I had replied to her status about how she enjoyed her birthday)...she went on to tell me that it had been six years since she enjoyed a birthday because six years two weeks before her birthday she went into premature labor and gave birth to her son at only 16 weeks gestation and he died.  For the last six years she hated, dreaded and sometimes couldn't bear her birthday.  Understandably so.

I was sitting in the silence of my office just reflecting on that.  I obviously can't (and won't try) to explain why God allowed her to go into labor so early and why her son couldn't have lived.  I'm not going to say "everything happens for a reason" because I'd punch someone straight in the face who said that to me.  Instead I'm choosing to be thankful that she has two beautiful healthy daughters (19 & 8).

I remember so well when V and I were trying for a baby, month after month I hoped and prayed to be pregnant.  But I also secretly prayed that I would rather never get pregnant if God planned on taking my baby from me.  I feared miscarriage with every inch of my soul (as most mothers do).  I am so thankful that I got to have just one pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful, healthy, funny, sweet little boy.  Unfortunately I only get that one pregnancy, we won't even try (and are actively preventing) future pregnancies because it's what's safest.  I have one wonderful miracle baby and I'm so thankful to have him.

Which brings me to my title.  This whole thought process got me thinking, I registered for my 2nd Half Marathon this yesterday (Yikes!)....I can't have more babies BUT I can run races.....and I love running (or as real runners would call it jogging).  I'm choosing to be thankful for the blessing of Liam and the blessing of a supportive husband who will go all the way to Portland to watch me run.  I have so much to be thankful for....today I feel just crazy blessed.  I can't give Liam more biological siblings BUT I can (and hopefully will) foster a child that needs our love desperately and though this Liam can be a big brother.  I can't do a lot of things BUT I can be the best mom ever to Liam and any child(ren) that we are blessed with through fostering.

Much Love & Thanks,
Jen

ThankFUL

This week has been a little crazy, V's uncle was admitted to one of the local hospitals on Tuesday night after having a "mild" heart attack.  Long story short they found two semi-blocked arteries that required three stints.  Stress-full.  This uncle is by far both of our favorites, he's always positive, always encouraging, always nice.  I'm thankful to say he was discharged from the hospital today, just in time to enjoy some family time on Thanksgiving.

I consider myself a fairly thankful person, I had a pretty horrible childhood so I know what I have and I know to appreciate it.  But the last two weeks have made me even more thankful.  While V and I certainly aren't perfect we do love each other and work really hard at our marriage.  I have the most amazing little boy in the whole world who is healthy, a blessing I don't take lightly.  I could go on and on but I'll stop and just say I have a full heart that leaves me thankFUL this Thanksgiving.

I hope all of you have had a wonderful Thanksgiving surrounded by people that leave you feeling loved and thankful.

Much Love,
Jen

Building Our Home: Offer Accepted

Oh my tummy turned a little as I type that, in a good way of course.  I literally just received an email from our realtor that our offer will be countered in the morning, the developer will pay 70% of our closing, good enough for us!  I called V and we agreed we would accept his counter......holy cow, we are really building our first home!

So it begins, I can not wait for all the things we get to pick out, I know it will be totally overwhelming at times but I think I'm ready!!!   I know I'm more than ready for Liam to have more room to run and play!

Building a House: The Waiting Game

Perhaps God is using this experience as another opportunity to teach me to be patient.  I wonder how that is going.....cuz I'm not a patient person.

Something I didn't expect about building a house; because we are building in a subdivision we picked a model and some upgrades and I thought you just paid the listed price, like buying boots at Target. 

Apparently not, the developer even told us "let me know what your offer is".  Later in the conversation he also mentioned the builder wanted permission to build a spec. home through the winter to keep his crew busy.  Two key things that led us to believe there was some wiggle room on the price.  Here's the thing though, I don't want to offend this guy, he seems very on the straight and narrow.  After speaking to our realtor he suggested that we ask him to pay our closing costs and use that money to purchase upgrades to our home (we planned on the upgrades anyway)....so we did.  We officially placed our offer this morning....so the waiting begins.  The developer has until Thursday to get back to us, I wish he'd just accept the offer as is so we can break ground!!

I'm so ready for this whole process to get rolling!!!

V Plays Stay at Home Dadda

Liam was acting off yesterday, we chalked it up to the time change.....but boy was he grumpy!  Flash to this morning, Liam woke up crying really hard.  This is not normal for him at all, usually he happily wakes and calls out to us (in mumble-y 18 month old chatter).  Not today, today was full of loud cries.  I hadn't gotten up for the day yet (my alarm was set to go off in another 5 mins at 6:10am), so I told V that I would change Liam's diaper.  When I picked poor little Liam up he was physically on fire, I laid him on the changing table and started about stripping off his pjs, changing his diaper and taking his temp...... 102.5, yikes!  V didn't miss a beat, he called off work to spend the day with Liam. 

I quickly got ready then ran to the store for some juice and bananas (and bagels for V and I).  I'm so thankful to have a husband that is willing to stay home with our sick child. I know a lot of men wouldn't even consider staying home and some women who wouldn't let their husband stay home to care for an ill child.  I'm glad either of those things are true in my marriage.  (Even though V' boss thinks it's totally nuts that V will stay home with Liam he still allows Vic to use sick time to care for Liam.)  I called to check on Liam several times, each time V reassured me Liam was getting better and better.

Finally my work day was done, I rushes straight home and Liam was so very excited to see me!  V reported that Liam hadn't eatten great but was snacking and his temp had some down a little.  We spent a lovely evening of just chilling, eatting a little dinner and relaxing.  I gave Liam a second dose of infant IB profrin and now his temp is just slightly over 100 degrees.  A few minutes before we would have normally put Liam to bed he picked up a blanket off the floor and walked into his room, he was clearly ready!  We did our normal routine of; clean diaper, jammies, sippy of water and sit on my lap while Dadda reads and when we put Liam into his crib he rolled on his side and was out before we turned off the light!

Doing Good & Running

I've wanted to get a few more races in this fall before the snow starts to fly and I'm trapped inside for months on end.  I  SO was excited when my bestie wanted to do a local 5k that benefited women who can't afford breast cancer screenings and treatment.  Last weekend we ran that 5k together and it was awesome!  We arrived bright and early, I had hoped to run the 5k with Liam in the stroller but he had started to get a cold and it was only 25 degreed that morning....no race for little Liam.  There were 1,100 women almost all of whom were dressed up, Bestie and I were Batman and Superman respectively.  We had a good time considering she recently had jaw surgery and currently had a cold (final time 34:15).  After the race we took our turn in the photo booth, got some snacks and just hung around.  What a lovely Saturday morning!

The next charitable 5k I have planned is in chilly November and it actually put on by the nurses from the Oncology Center I had to visit for my Autoimmune Disease.  The proceeds go to different types of cancer treatment etc.  It feels good to go running but it feels even better knowing the ~$25 registration fee is going to a good cause.

Now if I could just kick this cold and fit in a good run this weekend (probably not going to happen).

Happy Friday!
Much Love,
Jen

That time Liam said "Doggie" Perfectly

I will confess, this is the most challenging time I've had has a parent.  Liam can make sounds but not words (other than; Dadda, Momma, Nanna, Yum).  I feel more lost now than ever before when trying to uncover what he wants.  Part of that is what he wants changes every .09 seconds.  I love that he can walk and giggle, he points very well which helps but the lack of verbal communication, coupled with his frustration and whining, its a challenge for me.  I want so much to know what he wants, to help him.  After 17 attempts (milk? walk? blocks?) we usually discover his want/need, but there has to be a better way.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, studies show boys develop slower verbally and faster with motor skills, so how can I help Liam to show me what he wants?  What can I do?  I racked my tiny, exhausted brain for days.  We never did the whole baby sign language thing, I had read somewhere that it can delay verbal development further in boys so I decided it wasn't for us, but maybe now a few signs would help?  I was torn. 

Flash forward to this morning; V, Liam and I are all chilling in the living room playing before we all leave for the day.  It was one of those rare non-rushed mornings, we were all smiling, Liam was giggling with ultimately makes V and I laugh like crazy.  Liam looked over at his Dinosaur walker toy, looks up at me and says "Doggie" perfectly.  V and I looked at one another in shock so much so that Liam thought he'd done something wrong until we started to laugh and say Yay, Liam!!!   I could care less that it wasn't really a doggie, it was perfect and a memory I will always cherish!

Another fun thing Liam says is "Dadda, N'mmmmm" when he likes his meal which is almost all meals, even when he's eating with me.  Momma is Liam's emergency word, he only uses it when he gets hurt or is upset.  Haha.  He has a handful of other noises that single when he wants up or is happy, he's such a funny and happy boy.

I have to say I think it's God's perfect timing, he shows us that all things work out perfectly in his time if we just let them.

Much Love,
Jen

Weekend Adventures

It's Sunday morning, Liam is napping and V is watching the Olympics.  This weekend has been amazing!  I mean no one doesn't love weekends but sometimes they are full of chores and obligations.  As I type this I realize there is no chance of us making it to church, again.  But ya know what?  God knows the content of our hearts and I'm not waking my baby to race out the door, not today.

Friday morning G'ma picked up Liam and brought him up to the lake where most of the family had been for a good week.  I was a bit hesitant at first because they wanted him to spend the night at the campsite but a chance for a date night after work and a little extra sleep on Saturday morning made the decision for me.  We are very blessed to be surrounded by V's family, they love all of us but especially Liam and can't get enough time with him.  I have been extra run down lately so letting Liam enjoy extra time with the family while I got extra sleep seemed like a win-win.  And it was!

V usually let's me choose where we eat so that night I let him decide, he chose a local place, it was pretty good.  I was just happy to have some time with my hubby!   We had a nice time then decided to check out a new game place that had just opened.  They have go-carts, games, lasertag and more but I can't remember it all, lol!  We played some games, laughed a ton and gave our tickets to a little boy who thought he won the lottery.  It was a wonderful time!  We got home just in time to watch some of the Olympic  Games opening  ceremony celebration.

A pic I took of the view on the trail. I love this place!

Sunday morning we got up, got ready and grabbed burritos from the healthy food store here and hit the open road (with V's sister in tow, oy).  After a mere hour and half we arrived to my happy little boy beaming with joy! I hadn't been to this lake a years and forgot how beautiful it is.  Liam needed a nap so the guys (plus V's sister) went fishing while MIL and I hung out.  Everyone got back just before Liam woke up, we all ate quickly and headed off on a hike to the waterfalls in the area.  I wore Liam in  his framed pack, boy is he getting heavy!  I was hoping to use this pack next summer but I think it's only going to make it though this one! Ek!  I'm proud to say I was able to pack him both in and out!  Go me for getting some cross training in! ;)  Liam did great, he loves hiking and being outdoors!  He even napped on the way out.

After we got back to the campsite we all snacked and hung out while for a while before Liam needed another nap (he was pooped!).  I waded into the lake, oh how I regret not bring my swimsuit!  The evening went by quickly and before we knew it the time to head home had come.  We packed up Liam and all our stuff (MIL had brought quite a bit up for him) and headed back home for showers and bed time.

Today I'm tan, sore and so content!  This is how all weekends should be!  I hope each of you had a great weekend as well!

Much Love,
Jen

32ish Hours Until My FIRST Half Marathon

If I said I felt completely ready I'd be lying.  My little family unit of 3 spent the last week at the family cabin which means I've done almost no running.  The final week before a half or full marathon you aren't supposed to train hard but I would feel better if I'd gotten at least one or two runs in, but it just wasn't in the cards.

With that said, I'm as ready as I can be.  Tomorrow I'll pick up my registration info, maybe go on a sort hike for some last minute cross training (or maybe a walk), I'll have a big pasta dinner along with the powerade I've been chugging.  I have comfortable and work-out appropriate clothing and shoes...all the equipment I need.  I've worked hard for months, it's not about my time, it's just about finishing.

V is being supportive as he has been this whole time.  He, Liam, my in-laws, and bestie are planning to meet me at the end of my race.  It's funny because I imagine most people spend a lot of energy thinking about the moment they cross the finish line....I haven't.  I'm certain I'll cry because that is just who I am but other than that I haven't really thought much about, I sorta just look at this as another run (reality will surely set in when I see the thousands of people waiting to start the race too).  I am blessed to live in a beautiful city, I can't wait to do this run and as I've mentioned before I'm pretty excited to have it done too. :)

I'll surely post a few pics and the results after I have recovered!
Much Love,
Jen

Final Week of Marathon Training

I'm so thankful that my marathon (half marathon to be specific) is coming to a close, at least for this race.  I am still absolutely in love with running however I'm becoming exhausted.  Here is an overview of reasons I'm ready to be done training.

1.  Liam is going to bed later and later which means I'm running later and later.
2.  It's getting difficult to find enough time to run 8+ miles (this takes me around 2 hours).  
3. When I run late I can't fall asleep, typically I'm out at 9:30p...when I run after 8pm I don't get to bed/fall asleep until around 11p (and I have to be up at 6a to get ready for work).
4. It's getting HOT here, last night I ran at about 8pm and it was still in the eighties....too hot for this girl!  Last night I only did two miles and was dripping sweat!
5. I'm yearning to hike, hiking and training is killing me (although I love how tone my legs are).  It's just too much to mix.
6.  My body is just tired, luckily the rest of my runs before the actual marathon are 4 miles are less.
7. Lastly, I'm just ready to go out and run with no mileage requirement, no nothing other than the desire to run.

Ok one more, I'm just really ready to do the race, see my time and have the accomplishment.  But for now I'm pooped, it's going to be a super early bed time for me.

Much Love,
Jen

Celebrating My One Year Old

This Saturday friends and family will gather and celebrate my little boy's first birthday.  Little boy, not really a baby any more.  He's waving like mad and side-steps around furniture, walking is on the horizon! 

My bestie is making mounds of sweets, I've got almost all the decor ready now as long as the weather plays nice we should have a fun little time.  I've planned a few games that the kids can play if they'd like, the adults can just mingle and hang out.  (V's family is so big that we invited 60 people almost all of which are solely family). 

I'm excited to celebrate him with those who love him! 

Liam is One Year Old

One year and two days if your counting. ;) Thrusday I was in full sappiness mode!  Each time I glanced at the clock I knew exactly what was going on at that time last year, I was full of joyful tears all day!  I simply couldn't wait to scoop up my baby and kiss him!

It's hard to believe I've been Liam's mom for a year now, well really more like almost two years (personally I believe life begins at conception so I've been a mom since Oct '10). I digress, I've been a mom now for a little while, it's hard to remember life before him.  We wanted a child, we tried for a him, we prayed for the blessing of a child.  And when we did get pregnant we weren't certain my permanency would make it so I spent each day loving on this little baby inside of me just praying I would have a "outside baby".  Being a mom is a challenge, it makes you grow in new ways and if your priorities weren't in line to begin with they will be rapidly!  It wasn't a difficult change for me, I was so ready but I had a lot to learn!  Luckily Liam had never been a newborn before so he didn't know I was still figuring a few things out! ;) I've learned to love in new ways and I certainly love more than I ever thought possible, each day my love grows.  I often think I can't love him anymore then the smallest thing will happen and my love grows wider and taller and fuller, it's taught me so much about the love of our creator.

It's funny how proud of him I get over funny things like standing.  I giggle a little to myself over this pride, I find myself cheering him on, out loud, Good Job Buddy!  Yay Liam!!!!  And he loves it, he'll stand and sit a thousand times if I cheer him on, it's hobby both of us enjoy.  I recently taught him to put smaller items inside of larger ones (cups), the other night he decided to put away his bath toys, he'd pick up one and put it in the basket we store them in.  One by one he put away about half of the toys.  I was so amazed!  Here is this little person that one year ago couldn't hold up his own head and now he's putting his bath toys away! WOW! My how time flies!

I cherish these moments, I try desperately to live in them, store them up in my soul to keep forever.  Motherhood is such a incredible blessing, my soul has new purpose and more love than it can possible hold.  I love each phase but I'm so excited for the next one.  I feel so blessed!

Much Love,
-Jen

A year ago today I was in labor....

It's hard to believe.  I've spent the whole day glancing at the clock and remembering exactly what was going on at that time one year ago today.  (You can read Liam's birth story here.)  I'm finding it difficult to put into words the emotions I've experienced today but it's been wonderful to look back on.  I'm literally sitting  crying as I type and re-type this trying to find the right words to express the joy I have because of this little boy, the happiness he's brought to my life in the last year and what a blessing he is and I can't.  There are no words to express how much I love him, how much I love being his mom and how I would do anything, literally anything, for him.   All I can say is I believe in miracles, I know they happen because I'm a mom and when you look at me [medically] on paper I probably never should have been able to have a baby and I do, I have the most amazing baby boy on the planet and I am the luckiest momma there is.  One year ago today my life changed forever because I was in the process of welcoming my son.


Much Love
-Jen

My {Running} Addiction

Finding the time to run is a challenge but it's always worth it once I'm out there doing it.  Last night was the perfect example of this.  V made dinner after he got home around 5:45p, we all ate and before we knew it Liam's bedtime had arrived.  I changed into my running clothes, got Liam ready for bed, V gave him the last bottle of the evening and I read to him.  Soon V was placing our little blessing in his bed and I was headed out the door.  I always stop to tell V exactly where I am going and how long it should take, it's just something I have to do.

7:30ish I was out the door and on the pavement.  One earphone playing my favorite songs and the rhythm of my pace carried me away.  There are a few things I must be worried about because they kept bouncing through my mind, each time I'd push them away and just enjoy the moment.  Not to mention I had to pay attention to traffic on my way to the trail.  It was a comfortable 65 degrees, I was working hard enough that I needed to take off my top layer shirt, the cooler air felt so good as I went along the winding river path.  There is what some call a "running community" here, and now that I consider myself a runner I understand why!  It is beautiful place to run, running here has given me a new understanding and love of this city. I wish I could eloquently describe how running clears my mind but my words are too simple, the peace and silence is such a blessing!  I almost always feel like I have a fresh perspective and the energy to take on the world after a run.

I logged four miles last night, had you told me six months ago that I would be doing this I would have laughed at you. Doing a marathon has always been on my bucket list but I guess I never really thought it was achievable considering I've had asthma for 20 years.  I don't even recall why exactly I took up running this spring but I did and the more I did it the more I thought I really could do the half marathon this summer!  Now it's a true joy and passion in my life.  I'm deeply concerned about running in the fall and winter, running on a treadmill just isn't the same...in fact it's mind numbing comparatively.  Before I knew it 50 minutes had passed, I was back at my front door dripping sweat, feeling so relaxed and ready for a snack and shower.  I always get the best rest the night after a good run!

Two of my co-workers run with their children, age 17 and 11, I genuinely hope that one day running is a hobby that Liam and I can enjoy together.  Perhaps that should be on my bucket list (although if running isn't his thing that is ok).

Much Love
-Jen

(*written 5/31, I didn't have time to post it)

On Reality Checks

from google images

God hands me little reality checks, and I need them.  Lately I've gotten a series of them, gently reminding me that things could be much worse and to be thankful for what I have.  I don't know about you but I never get one little reality check at a time, it seems when it rains it pours.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing still just observing my life and so many around me are going through something so difficult and I'm helpless.  I stand there with a heavy heart, empty hands that are clinched in prayer yet I feel so helpless.  Parents are struggling with their children's illnesses (cancer) while trying to manager their own (cancer).  Marriages are failing apart, two of my co-workers are in the middle of nasty divorces as is a close friend.  I could go on and on, my heart breaks for friends/co-workers etc.

I don't consider where I am in my life perfect but I have so much to be thankful for....and it's time to be mindfully thankful each day.

Today I am thankful for my son's health and my God's grace.

2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you."

Much Love,
Jen

More Milestones Coming

I can hardly believe I'm about to type this but I had to book Liam's first hair cut.  The boy was born with hair, not a ton but it's gotten long and very curly!  No matter what I do he looks super disheveled at the end of each day, and I'm worried that sooner or later people will ask me if I have a little girl, so hair cut time it is.  I'm going to cry for sure, I teared up just making the appointment.

This Saturday Liam will have his first hair cut, then on Sunday we are having his One Year pictures taken (along with some family ones). It seems like just yesterday I was having his new born pictures taken!  I can hardly believe that this time last year I was full term, super swollen and just waiting for my miracle baby to be in my arms.  My heart overflows.

Much Love,
Jen

Would You Parent Differently?

I've heard this question asked of older generations, the whole "in retrospect" concept but that isn't exactly what I'm talking about here (although I gladly invite any advice etc).

What I'm focused on is this; If you knew the baby in your arms would be your only, would you parent him/her differently?  As the reality that Liam will be our only child finds rest in my soul I think about this question/topic often.  Knowing he'll be my only child and these days are fleeting I am so much more willing to snuggle him extra at bedtime, play longer in the tub etc.  I'm beyond grateful that I got to have one amazing baby, he defines Miracle Baby.

Some days are easier than others, I feel like this decision was taken from me due to my autoimmune disease but it's the smart thing to do, it's my reality and there isn't much that will change it.  I'm not saying I'm a better parent but I do think this perspective makes me more patient with Liam, I lavish my love on him even when I'm tired and would love some time to myself, I look closely at him with an intentional smile trying to soak up every single moment and store it in my soul.  I intentionally seek extra time with him, I schedule anything I can when he's napping (on the weekends) or asleep for the night (during the week).  Daily I promise him that no matter what I will be there for him, I will love him and support him. 

It's a hard thing to know; that regardless of whether or not you could have more children...you shouldn't.  (I started to go into the details of why we have chosen to not have more children and it got a bit too emotional for me.  The facts are I have one amazing miracle baby that means the world to me, I have more than I could ever ask for and I am grateful.)

Much Love,
Jen

Edit to include: I kinda lost my train of thought last night....So what I was getting at is, if you knew that baby/child in your arms would be your one and only, do you think you would do anything differently?  I'd love to hear feedback!

Two things I must share!

Hi my blog peeps, I have two stories I have to tell you.

First I feel like a small miracle has happened!! As most of you know I left my really stressful job almost two months ago, I took a pay cut but it's been so worth it.  Thankfully I learned my new job has amazing benefits that have already kicked in (they will cover our infertility treatment!).  Something I haven't told you is that I feared we'd only have these benefits for as little as one month because my company had been purchased (I was aware of this when I interviewed for the position), the FCC has finished the final paperwork and changes to anything could start as early as November of this year (meaning we could loose our amazing insurance shortly after getting it).  I was terrified of our insurance changing because it would limit our ability to get infertility treatment.  I've been praying and asking God for simple/small miracles, "please let us keep this insurance."  Today I got to work and learned we would keep all the same benefits through 2011. THANK GOD!!!

On to this evening, I was out to dinner with my childhood friend (you remember her sister Jamie passed away suddenly last summer) and another friend K & her girlfriend.  Long story short I was asked how the whole baby journey was going and started crying.  I  shared with them about my dr appt next week and infertility testing/potential treatments.  Little did I know K and her girlfriend want to have children and have been looking for information on how to go about fertility treatments in our area!  It ended up being a really great conversation and now we can support each other on our journeys to being mommies!  I feel so blessed.  I feel like this really is why God has us on this journey so we can open up to people and make them not feel so alone on this journey. 

Forget overflowing my cup is drowning.

I hope you are having a great night peeps!

I have no words to discribe this joy...

...but I'll try anyway. Today was a good, nay, great day! For no extraordinary reason I am so happy, so very happy, overcome with joy and happiness! My new job is great, my new co-workers are amazing and most of all I have so much less stress I can physically feel the weight off my shoulders, heart and whole body! Yes, this is the moment when I acknowledge that every single penny of my pay cut was absolutely worth it. I am so happy, this was clearly the right choice!

I feel like I've walked around with that goofy smile you have when you've first fallen in love, like you are smitten for the first time! But it's like all aspects are so great, I'm smitten with my own life. Yeah V. and I fight, I'm actually annoyed he's watching tv too loud right now (we are in the same room and I can hear it over my earphones) but I feel so overcome with so much joy that I don't actually care.
This repreve in my soul is amazing and a welcome blessing, especially since I learned yet another friend is pregant, a friend with a >9mo old whose husband works a single dead-end job that can't support them as is, the same friend who despite not wanting anymore children didn't go back on birth control because her controlling husband said "no". Sigh, it's not fair but it is what it is and it will not steal my joy. I will praise and worship and be glad no matter where I am, on the mountain or in the valley of my own emotions. Thanks Lord for this day and all of it's blessings.

<3

Leaving on My Terms

Today was the last day of my former job! I've day dreamed, wished, hoped, sometimes feared this day for a long time, and today it really occurred and now it's hard to believe it happened! It was hard not to burn bridges, more than once I wanted to just flip someone the bird and go out in a blur of angry obscenities, there has been a lot of prayer over the last few days. By the grace of God I managed to not flip anyone anything nor curse anyone out (yay!) mostly because I stayed really, really busy! I worked up until the last moment, a co-worker called wanting to have lunch together. I showed up and was surprised with a card signed by everyone, a gift, flowers and lunch with three of my favorite people! Lunch was so fun, we all vowed to stay in touch (and take yoga together!) in the end I filed my last paperwork with HR, handed in my keys and company phone and walked out very teary eyed. I'm sad to go but happy to move on, it's really been a hard couple of years but I choose not to regret it because I have made so many wonderful friendships and learned so much! Funny how blessings come in all sizes, shapes and forms!