Some Random Thoughts

Hi Blog Peeps,
So this Blog Challenge has had me distracted (mission accomplished!) so I thought I'd share some random thoughts I've had recently with you.

• My dr appt is Tuesday, not next Tuesday, or two weeks from Tuesday, but this TUESDAY!  I can hardly believe we are finally taking a real step towards getting pregnant/having a baby!
• I haven't taken my temp or charted anything in a FULL month, it's been pretty nice but let's face it I'll probably start again once the baby train is in full gear, which starts on Tuesday!
• I've already told you about how V has picked our a baby girl name, I was reviewing some of the boy names he likes and several of them had meanings related to Blessing/Blessed/To Bless (like my dream a few months ago).  Lord I pray this is some kind of sign!
• I think I need to stop watching shows like "Teen Mom" and "I'm Pregnant And..." just for a little while, to focus on the here and now.
• My boss has been so great to me, it's like everyday my decision to leave my old job is reinforced more and more.
• I'm really considering doing lowlights in stead of highlights (I told you these were random thoughts).
• and cutting bangs again!
• I love my yoga class more than I can explain, it's just a little time for me.
• between that and leaving my job I have almost no stress left, thank you Lord!
• HOLY CRAP it's OCTOBER!!!!!!

Fall's Rapid Approach

I don't know about you but where V and I live, fall is rapidly approaching. Our temps didn't get too high this summer (never over 100 which is unusual) and now they seem to have rested in the mid 60s for a while. The sky is overcast and we've had several rain showers. Yep fall is coming, quickly.

I would be lying if i said I was 100% ok with it, I love summer and never feel like I get enough hiking or time at the cabin in during our few hot summer months. Perhaps it's because our winters are so long here (I honestly think we get at least 6 months of fairly predictable snow fall) and our spring is usually long and wet. But it I could be the only one that feels this way, who knows. LOL!

The fall season is gorgeous here though. I was running an errand the other day and had the chance to drive in a part of town I don't frequent much since finishing my degree 3 years ago, I forgot how much I love this particular area. The mature trees are super tall and have been groomed in such a way it's almost like a tunnel of trees for a block or so, and when the leaves change it's breathtaking. I must remember to stroll over that way again in the next few weeks (I'll try to remember the camera to show you as well.)

I've don't struggle with the change of seasons, as sad as I am to see summer go I'm looking forward to fall and winter for so many reasons. And I know that spring and summer will come again. I guess that is where I am at right now, just looking forward to the good that is to come while trying to enjoy the change going on around me at the same time. My dr appt is 2 weeks away and I am more ready than ever, I am so ready to have some answers and a plan of action. Last weekend I had the chance to chat with a good friend who has dealt with and overcome the same fertility issues I am, it was so great to speak with someone who fully understands and is on the other side with her beautiful almost one year old baby girl. Perhaps I'm more ready for the coming season than even I realize.

What about you? Are you excited for Fall?

Making the most of my time!

This morning, for the first time in a really long time, my alarm didn't go off ( I forgot to set it last night) so when V's went off 1/2 hr later than I usually temp I took my temp and thought "does this really matter?" I thought about it on and off for most of the day, this cycle is shot... so what's the point of continuing to temp every morning? I came home after work and put my VIP Fertility Friend membership on hold and talked to V. We decided to just enjoy the next four weeks until my appointment in October. After that we'll have a game plan of what tests we need to do and that will tell us what treatments my dr will recommend and together we'll establish a plan. Then we can focus on our plan but right now those efforts are wasted and I can feel us both needing a break to just enjoy each other without the pressure of everything. I am so excited, I already feel even more relaxed. It feels like a breath of fresh air and weight off both V and I. No more waking up early, even on the weekends, to temp, no more scheduling intimate time, no more looking at my chart eleventy million times a day.

I'm also tossing around the idea of being more open about what V and I are facing with our friends/family. As of right now a very select few friends and family know about what we are going through (and my peeps on here). Perhaps after we know more, maybe after the testing when we have a plan. I know it will help others, but I also know that many won't be supportive and some will judge. Some will embrace our choice to get treatment others will probably go as far as to stop talking to us and start talking beyond our backs. Lots to pray about.

Right now I'm just excited to go back to my old workout routine, relaxing about our baby-making journey and enjoying this time with V.

I hope things are going good with you peeps!

An End in Sight for Cycle #3

I finally had my dr’s appointment to ask questions yesterday. I’m surprised by how well it went. I didn’t feel rushed and I held it together really well, I only got a little misty eyed once! I went through all my well thought out questions and feel like I got all of them answered. For now I’m on a 10day prescription of Provera to induce a period, which can happen at any point in the next 2 weeks. With the hope that my body will go back to having a cycle on it’s own since I had two normal length cycles before this monster of a cycle. If my next cycle is long we’ll stop it at 60 days so I don’t have to worry about going nearly as long. Essentially my dr doesn’t want to test for anything unless I have another long cycle. Then we can look at PCOS and other potential factors, she thinks that I might not be making enough estrogen. Who knows. I just feel glad to have a plan in place and to at least feel like I might know what the next few months could look like. I know she is only a dr and only God knows what is going to really happen but I am SO thankful to feel some sense of what is going on. I feel so much better (other than I think I might already be experiencing side effects from my first pill, oh well whatever it takes!)
Whew!



With much HOPE and Love,

Jen

One Hundred and Eleven Days...

...since my last period. Ugh. I'm sorta mad my dr has let this cycle run this long. It's now been 1/4 of a year since I've had a period. For the most part I've handled this whole thing pretty well, but today I'm angry. I can't believe this is my journey. But maybe anger is what I need to insure I actually press my dr for some answers, for something resembling a plan. I have a bad feeling I'm going to have to find another dr. My current dr hasn't tested me for PCOS and I'm fairly certain that I do in fact have it at this point, she also wants me to put me on Provera. I have a a million thoughts running, screaming through my mind. All I want is some calm.

I know God's will is going to prevail over all of this mess....I feel like that Amy Grant song (see video I just posted) "beautiful the mess we are."

I'll update you tomorrow after my appointment.

Until Next Time,
~Much Love~

~Hope~

The worst part about all that I am going through with our journey to family is that I am not last women who will have to deal with this. This won't be cured with me or even the next woman. That is so sad to me. But I still have so much hope, no matter what it takes or where this journey takes us. I just know the Lord will provide us with the child our heart desires. I know that God himself provided us with this desire and I know undoubtedly that it will be fulfilled. I'm learning to give up my desire to be so in control of the how and when. After all, if I'm honest with myself I'm not in control and I have never been and more so I will never be.

A week from tomorrow I have an appointment with my dr (not her assistant for once). I'll go with all my questions written out and not leave without a clear idea of her objectives regarding the medicine she wants me to take and a plan (or at minimum a general idea) for the road ahead. Should she be unwilling to provide me with the information I need to feel comfortable I will quickly have a new dr. I'm pondering having my mom-in-law come with me, even if she just sits in the lobby, I may need that strength. So many thoughts rumble through my head at this moment.

Until Next time,
~Much Love~