Two Years

Last year on this day I was in full sap mode, I wrote this post about how I could recall what was happening at each hour {on the day Liam was born}.

This year I'm overjoyed but not as sappy. Honestly things have been so crazy I haven't had time to be sappy. Liam got super sick Tuesday night, like vomiting and stuff, it was scary. He was fine by morning but I took Weds off work to hang out with him. We cuddled all day, guess I'll find out if it was viral. I had planned to take today off and spend it with Liam, take him swimming and the whole nine yards but I just don't have enough paid time off stored up.

Last night after we put Liam down for the night I ran out and got a big bunch of balloons including Liam's current favorite Thomas the Train. I also picked up muffins and cupcakes for the morning (well cupcakes are for dinner). I had already purchased this adorable little Thomas the Train flashlight thing, I knew he'd be over the moon for it! I got home late but my excitement for Liam kept me going, I knew he wouldn't totally get it but I also knew he'd be super excited.

Unfortunately Liam coughed all night, his poor nose is just running like mad. I got up at least a half dozen times to sooth him back to sleep (back rubbing, bink, cover with blanket etc). By the time morning rolled around I could barely pull my butt out of bed, I told V not to wake Liam until I was out of the shower. I showered and dressed at light-speed then V and I went in and woke Liam with the "happy birthday" song. Liam proceeded to kick his feet in protest. He did not want to get up, poor little dude! We managed to get him up, changed his diaper and went into the livingroom where he promptly noticed the huge bundle of balloons and got super excited! Success! He ate his chocolate chip muffin while enjoying some Chica Show on Spout while I ran around like a crazy person trying to get ready, wet hair it is.

Thankfully it's a Grandma's day so I dropped him off there and Grandpa had taken the day off so Liam was ubber happy! I've been at work since and still feel like I'm running around like a crazy person, so many things to get done!

This past year has been amazing, it's so incredible to see the changes in Liam. He's truly a little boy and not a baby anymore, although he'll always be my baby! He's the happiest person I know. He's sweet and kind but stubborn as his Momma too! It's difficult to put into words how much I love this little boy but I guess that is part of being a mom, it's something you can't explain and don't fully understand until you are here.

I've loved every moment, even the really frustrating ones, of being Liam's mom. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

It's currently 1:18p  on the very last day of 2012, the hubby is out running errands and kiddo is 1hr into his nap which is typically 3hrs long.  I'm just chillin' here in the sweet silence enjoying all that this year has been, it's been a little bit of a wild ride but I'm thankful for it....all those crazy moments (both good and not so good) contribute to who I am and I'm darn proud of the woman (wife and mother) I've become.  God is so good.
I hope each of you (all four of you, lol) have a fantastic and safe celebration tonight.  As for us, we'll be safe at home with take out and a movie.  Here's to a wonderful 2013!


Much Love,
Jen

Lazy-ish Weekend

With all the stress I've been dealing with over the last ~2 weeks I was a bit over whelmed when it came to this weekend, we had a lot planned and I started to get anxious, I just didn't see how we could really get it all done....so I started canceling whatever I could.  More than anything I needed down time with my family (and maybe a workout).  May I just say, Mission Accomplished.

A brief overview of our weekend:

Friday Night: Dinner with V's parents & a Movie on the sofa after Liam was in bed (Men in Black II, very good btw)

Saturday:
Shortly after we all got up and had eaten breakfast V insisted I head to the gym for my favorite BodyCombat Class and I listened, it was wonderful and I needed it
Liam and I did Parent-Tot swim lessons, so much fun!
Lunch & Family nap time
Liam and I ran a couple errands (I found an adorble shirt at The Gap 50% off!)
Liam and I grabbed smoothies (his first) before heading home for dinner with V and play time
After Liam was in bed V and I did our own thing, I finished The Last Lecute (I highly recommend it!) and went to be early...V played video games


Sunday:
Liam slept until almost 9:30am, two hours later than normal which means we all got to sleep in....it was glorious (we also missed church again, oh well).
After a lovely lazy morning we all got ready and ran over to have Liam's picture taken with Santa (I had cancelled our appt with the photographer we usually use and decided to just get an affordable one which turned out great!  10 mins in and out)
Liam is currently napping while V watches tv and I mess around on here, later Liam and I will volunteer in the nursery at church for evening service.

This weekend was exactly what I needed, I could really use another two days like this!  My stress level has dropped significantly (Thank God!) and I feel as prepared as I can be for the week ahead.

Much Love,
Jen

ThankFUL

This week has been a little crazy, V's uncle was admitted to one of the local hospitals on Tuesday night after having a "mild" heart attack.  Long story short they found two semi-blocked arteries that required three stints.  Stress-full.  This uncle is by far both of our favorites, he's always positive, always encouraging, always nice.  I'm thankful to say he was discharged from the hospital today, just in time to enjoy some family time on Thanksgiving.

I consider myself a fairly thankful person, I had a pretty horrible childhood so I know what I have and I know to appreciate it.  But the last two weeks have made me even more thankful.  While V and I certainly aren't perfect we do love each other and work really hard at our marriage.  I have the most amazing little boy in the whole world who is healthy, a blessing I don't take lightly.  I could go on and on but I'll stop and just say I have a full heart that leaves me thankFUL this Thanksgiving.

I hope all of you have had a wonderful Thanksgiving surrounded by people that leave you feeling loved and thankful.

Much Love,
Jen

8 Months Old....on Valentine's Day!

My little Mr. Liam turns 8 months old today 9:56am....I am so blessed to have two Valentine's today!

Much Love,
Jen

An Incredible Year

I can hardly believe it's time to close the book on 2011.  You know when you read a really good book and you don't want it to end, you sit there almost lingering before you actually shut the cover, well that is how I feel.  I want to linger here in this [emotional] place just a moment longer. 

This time last year we had finally turned a corner in my pregnancy, for a while all was well and I finally felt safe (until 32 weeks when my swelling was out of control and fear crept back in).  In January we announced we were having a boy, in the months that followed we prepared his room, took a birthing class, had two baby showers...the list goes on and on....it was a wonderful year, so full of joy!  Yes there were hard times, between February and April V's family lost four members...I still can't wrap my head around that whole thing.  There were international disasters (remember the tsunami in Japan, seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?).  No year is perfect but I have wrapped 2011 in a emotional bow in which I will always fondly remember it as the year I became Liam's Momma.

I feel like everything has changed but at the same time nothing has changed, I can no longer recall what life was like before Liam and honestly I don't want to.  Oh it all sounds so cliche' but it's true.  Liam is really the light of my life, nothing comes before him (judge me if you will for that, I've been told my husband should come first and no he does not, I hope I am secondary to Liam in V's heart).  I always knew I would love my child but I didn't fully understand what that meant until he was in my arms....and I struggle to vocalize my love for him, I'd lay down my life in a moment for him.  I say it a lot but nothing in my life will be as important as being his Mom, nothing.

Thank you God for 2011 and the gift of this child, I feel like I have a much clearer understanding of your love for me now that I have Liam.  I can't want to see how he grows in 2012, it's going to be such a fun year!


Happy New Year to you and yours!

Much Love,
Jen

I'm Not Dead

Nor have I fallen off the face of the earth. :)   This time of year is always busy then you add to that an adorable 6 month old, work, marriage, my pinterest addiction (leave a comment if you need an invite!) and trying to figure out everything I need to do to get my personal training business up and running (and oh yeah work out cuz no one wants a flabby trainer) and YIKES is life busy and full...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Liam is amazing and growing so fast!  He now eats two meals of "solids" per day, he's currently on green beans which he loves!  He's such a sweet and happy boy, last week at his 6 month well baby visit he was 17.6lbs, 26.5 inches these measurements have in between the 25th and 50th percentiles (which is on track and thus fine by us) and his head continues to be in the 75th percentile and as our nurse said "big brains!" lol!!  Liam loves to stand and has recently mastered sitting by himself, crawling is just on the horizon!  He's exactly on track for all his milestones.  About two weeks ago he met Santa and it was the most adorable thing ever, Liam had no fear as we handed him to the man who was dressed strangely, he just looked at him with interest and then tried to eat his beard! LOL!

Life seems to be moving at break-neck speed these days, before I know it Liam will have lived longer outside my belly than he did inside, that is hard to wrap my head around!  He's typically an amazing sleeper but last night woke up every 2.5-3 hours (teething maybe?) and ya know what?  I actually sorta enjoyed scooping him up and snuggling him as he fell back asleep, I just kept thinking that soon he'll be so big and won't fit into my arms the same way and someday he won't want to snuggle like this (most 13 year old boys don't want to snuggle their moms, right?) so I just sat there each time and loved on him and soaked in these special and fleeting moments.

In other news I appear to be holding my own with the whole auto immune disease, so far all signs suggest that I'm not ok *knocks on wood*.  I haven't lost any weight that I know of and I feel over all ok.  Another month until I see Dr T and find out if I'm correct or not.

That is enough to catch you up for now.  I'll try to up date again soon but likely won't until after Christmas so Merry Christmas to you and yours!

 Much Love
-Jen

Summer Daydreams

I knew it would happen eventually, I'm already daydreaming of summer. 

I'm just not a cold weather girl, I don't enjoy any winter sports or being out in the cold for any length of time.  It's just not me, I much prefer spring, summer and fall.  I have grown more fond of the joys of winter now that we have Liam, seeing all these things with him for the first time is special beyond words. 

However I'm still me and daydreaming about warm spring and summer days (even cool fall nights).  I'm just not comfortable taking Liam on walks outside in this weather, no matter how bundled up I make him it's still only 20-30 degrees out there.  I long to go on walks, play in the yard (he'll be toddling up a storm by the time it gets warm here again, crazy!).  I'm ready for longer days and more [sun] light.  I'm not wishing time away, I don't do that any more but I do long for warmer weather and the adventures it brings.

Until then I lift my cup of coco and toast you and your families, I hope you are enjoying this season, both of weather and holidays!

>12 hrs camping with a >12 week old

Possibly the worst idea I've ever agreed to.  V wanted to go up to his uncle's cabin with the family for Labor Day weekend, his parents even agreed to let us use their 5th wheel so we'd have more privacy.  Seemed like a great idea...

Until we actually got there.  Liam just didn't like it.  First the smoke from the campfire seemed to bother him, then immediately people are handing him off.  Great.  V wanted to go look for rocks (his hobby) together, I won't lie to you I was not interested but wanted the time with V so off we went.  I knew G'ma would take good care of Liam while we were away (she rode up with us and we talked about her watching him while we were gone).  So off V and I went, it was ok.  I got a text for the whole 4 minutes we had service about my dear friend being admitted to labor and delivery while we were gone so that was priceless (I had spoken to her earlier that morning and knew the baby was coming).  I didn't love looking for rocks but it was a nice enough time.  I dunno, I don't really consider being in the same general area as someone "quality time" but whatever.  We were only gone about 2 hours before we returned to camp, Liam was sleeping (G'ma was holding him, I'd rather he was sleeping in his pack-n-play but whatever).

I took Liam and snuggled with him in the 5th wheel, we even got a short nap together!  He woke up hungry but G'ma/G'pa and V were milling about as dinner was about to be prepared.  I'm sick to death of G'ma watching me breastfeed so I sat off in a random corner/closet type area where I could close the door.  Shortly after being fed Liam started to fuss, no biggie except G'ma kept trying to take him from me.  I wanted to just say "hi, I'm his mom I can handle it!"  Good Golly!  Everyone else ate while I walked around with Liam (he loves to be outside so we walked and talked and he was fine.  V came and took him so I could eat but after a few minutes handed Liam off to G'ma again....ugh.

Basically Liam fussed the rest of the night, it just kept getting worse and worse.  I think most of it was he was out of his element and his routine was all off but I also think a big part of it was people wouldn't leave him alone, he had no time to just breathe without people all up in his face.  Poor baby was probably stressed!  I know I was.  By 9pm V could tell I was done, probably because I said "I'm miserable."  We loaded up the car while Liam basically screamed.....not five minutes down the road he fell asleep, exhausted.  Poor little guy!

We drive the hour home by the light of the moon (and our headlights).  It was so peaceful, I was so glad to know my little baby was getting rest!  I enjoyed watching the farm-houses go by, every once in a while one would have the lights on and you could sorta see inside.  It was fun to let my mind roam and wonder about the story behind those farms (had they been in the family for hundreds of years, or where they just starting out, where they doing well or struggling, what would it be like to grow up on a farm?)  All the while I watched the road carefully, Labor Day weekend is the deadliest in our start for highway deaths and I lost a friend, Jamie, two years ago this weekend.  There was a fair amount of traffic for it being so late, that combined with the forest fire area we had to drive through made it a fairly interesting drive home.

Finally close to 11pm we arrived safe back at home.  Liam slept the entire time and was easily transferred to his crib without a peep.  The stress of it all kept me up another two hours (I haven't stayed up that late in forever!)

Long story short, camping with a >12 week old is a very bad idea.  In retrospect we should have just gone up for a day.  Lesson learned.  I'm sorta glad this summer is essentially over, I don't even want think about camping again until next summer, far too much stress.

Freedom is never free...

Yikes, I almost forgot it's the Forth of July....wow, my brain is exhausted!  Remember to thank a solider and/or Veteran today...freedom is never free!

(Imgaine care of Google)

Resolution-less Year

I'm horrible at making resolutions, and the ones I make don't have a high success rate.  I always feel too busy to add one more thing to my "to do" list.  I've never needed to loose weight since I naturally love the gym and anything else that important I try to manage all year long without some magic finish line like a resolution typically comes with.

As I reflect back on 2010 it's clear that it wasn't the easiest of years.  Most of it was spent trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully, and the fear of what was causing my 4 mount long (or longer) cycles. It caused a lot of stress and a lot more tears.  At times I was angry with God feeling that my prayers had fallen on deaf ears.  It's only now I realize God was just saying "wait a little longer".  (read Jeremiah 29:11)  Had you told me that at the time though I would have cursed you out in my mind.  Only those who have had to "try" to get pregnant can truly ever understand that kind of pain and fear that comes with each passing month especially as you approach a year (when drs want to diagnose you and label you as infertile.)

Sadly 2010 wasn't kind to my friends either, so many of them were overjoyed to see it be gone (via facebook status updates).  I think of my 200+ friends only one had great things to say about 2010.  How sad. When a year is hard it makes it difficult to see the happy moments, though they are always there.  Every year no matter how bad has to have at least one happy moment.  For me it was growing so much closer to my husband and seeing the true strength of our marriage and both of our commitment to each other deepening in the hardest months.

As you are aware 2010 did redeem itself for me in what felt like the 11th hour.  I will admit that part of my heart won't feel content until I hold this little one in my arms though.  I count down the months, weeks and days until his/her arrival.

So on this, the second day of 2011 I have decided to throw in my towel on resolutions.  In stead I choose to live each day to it's fullest, enjoying the small moments and doing my best to learn from my mistakes and the bad times.  Will I fail some days? Probably but I am still going to try. 

Whatever your resolution, however 2010 treated you I hope that this year is better and that you achieve whatever your heart desires.  Because it's a brand new year, like a empty room it holds the possibility to be anything, if you let it.

Christ-mas

Whew we finally made it!  All the hassle and bustle is over (and shopping thank the Lord).  After Church on Christmas Eve V and I finally got to spend some quality time with family and it was so needed.  Even though 90% of V's family lives here, somehow we don't find the time to see the extended family until the holidays.  This year was rare because one of V's aunts and her family were in from out of state.  It was nice to get to know them a bit better.  We had a lovely dinner at V's Grandparents (on V's dads side of the family), did gifts and just hung out.  The next morning V and I exchanged gifts, he's so good to me, he always buys me the things I would never buy for myself yet drool over.  Then we headed out to V's parents house to exchange gifts with them and hang out before heading to another Aunt & Uncles house (this time on mom-in-laws side) to see that side of the family.  Again a lovely meal and time where had.  Before we knew it though it was time to return home and rest the belly. 

V's family is amazing on many levels but one thing that struck me this year is the life length.  What I mean by that is that many of his grandparents and great aunts and uncles are still alive well into their eighties and beyond.  I find this impressive even though I'm not sure why.  It's a neat feeling to know with a fair certainty that V's grandparents will be around to not only see our child be born but to spend time with him/her, heck they will probably want to watch the little one and they are all so healthy and active and frankly "with-it" I'd happily let them.

It feels like with each passing day of my pregnancy I learn more about what real family is and what it really means.  Family is amazing and so special, it's still kinda hard to believe that soon V and I will have our own little family.  I can't wait!

I hope all of you had a lovely Christmas and found extra time for some family you don't get to see very often.

Merry Christmas from Our Family to Yours!

Is it just me or what?

I love this time of year, really I do, but.....if I'm really honest I love Thanksgiving more, much more.  During the month of November people make a sincere effort to be more thankful and kind to one another. The family time is a special kind of wonderful. Then... Black Friday hits and it all becomes about shopping and spending and spending.  I fall victim every year, the thoughts of "I should really spend more on so-and-so because I bought other so-and-so XY and Z."  I hate and I really mean hate that we do this to this season.  Lately I have to actively remind myself of the REAL reason for the season, the root word of Christmas.  This "holiday" was never ever intended to be about stuff but about it should be Christ centered.  I'll do my best to stay off my soapbox, I'm just being honest about the struggle I'm having this year.  I feel so much pressure to spend so much money on so many people all the while in the back of my mind I have a running total of the $ we need to start spending on our child for things he or she will need.  It's really frustrating, throw in all the extra hormones I have ragging through my body daily and well I'm kinda... irritable.  I feel pulled in every direction when I'm just flat out exhausted.  So someone please tell me I'm not the only one?

Festive-ness

This year V and I kept the Christmas decor to a minimum but I still feel like our little home is festive with our real Christmas Tree and Nativity Scene set up (my bestie got me this beautiful Nativity Scene last year!) This week I'm taking part in a "Festive" photo challenge over at Razmataz.  Check her out!

Thanksgiving 2010

As with all holidays we spent Thanksgiving with V's family, we went to mom and dad-in-laws house and mom-in-laws siblings, their children and grandchildren came over.  All-in-all there were about 30 of us.  Most of us were assigned a side dish to bring so mom-in-law didn't have to do it all and dinner turned out amazing!

We hadn't seen most of the extended family yet since announcing our pregnancy so it was really great to see them.  Each person came up to us to congratulate us and show how very excited for us.  My heart fills with warmth just thinking about it.  One of V's cousin's wives even complimented me "your 3 months and not even showing! I wanted to see a belly!!!"  Makes me smile since I pretty much always feel "bloated" these days. 

It was so great to see everyone!  V's family is so wonderful and loving, it's amazing to be part of them, I can't wait for my babe to be here with us!

This morning I slept in until 9am then V and I went shopping.  I got another pair of maternity jeans at Old Navy for $15 and a shirt for $10.  We also picked up a gift for V's parents.  Then V decided he wanted to look at TV's for his man cave in the basement, thankfully we didn't see anything that was that great of a deal so we got to come home after only spending $50!  Wahoo! 

Election 2010

This pretty much sums up my emotions on today, and I love that it's a bib!

I am so over the election coverage, but I always am at the end.  Today I've ignored it in full and it's been bliss!  At the end of the day we all have to realize the best we can do is elect another human being, another imperfect human being who will make mistakes and have successes but still just another human.  :)

Happy Halloween!

Waiting to greet the trick or treaters, I hope they like my costume!!

So that's where my breaking point is, good to know.

Sunday (aka Mother’s Day) I woke up kinda cranky, but was determined to shake it. V. and I headed off to church and sat with mom-in-law and dad-in-law. And then it started, the sermon on Ruth 4. Ruth had been widowed, ends up falling for this guy Boaz and despite that she was previously married for 10 years and never had children. Then God "opened her womb" and she got pregnant on her wedding night with Boaz. And my pastor gets on his standard “get married and have babies immediately” soapbox, then proceeds to talk about how he understand that some people can’t have children and talks about his brother and wife who NEVER were able to have children yadda yadda yadda, God opens and closes wombs. I lost in right there and started to cry. I excused myself to the ladies room and came back and did my best to hold it together. I really hoped that the fam would just think I was just frustrated by the pressure to have kids asap and ignore it.

Unfortunately it was Mother’s Day and we had all made plans to meet at a local chain restaurant for lunch. Great (sarcasm intended). Grandma-in-law, brother-in-law and mom-in-law and dad-in-law arrive just before us as well as V.’s great aunt. Things went fine for the most part until brother-in-law joked (as he ALWAYS does) that V. and I need to give dad-in-law what he really wants for father’s day; a grandchild. I snapped my head to look directly at him and said “you know[name] it’s not always easy for people to get knocked up” him “oh [my name], you’d be surprised” [please note he is a 26 year old virgin with no dating experience] me (angry tone) “No, YOU would be surprised.” And Cue awkward silence. Thank God our meal was over, V. quickly made an excuse for us to go, he could tell I was hurting. We no sooner got outside and mom-in-law runs up and hugs me saying “we love YOU, we don’t care about babies, really” I start absolutely bawling and say “we’ve been trying for months, I…I don’t know if we can. I am SO sorry we ruined your Mother’s Day” I tried to back away. She was so surprised she just hugged me tighter and said “you didn’t ruin anything, we love you” I just cried and said “I just want to go home” and V. got me out of there. How embracing. I just cried on the way home, V. was so great. We got home and he just held me. I spent the remainder of the afternoon on the sofa.

Several days have passed now, I was able to spend some time with just mom-in-law and tell her what is really going on, she was surprised and sad but hopeful. I learned she had several miscarriages. How sad. She offered no advice, and thankfully so. I get so tired of advice, unless I have sought it out. She and dad-in-law are there for us and supporting us and has already told brother-in-law to grow up and be more sensitive to others.

What a long road. Today is cycle day 81, I have to call the dr in 9 days if flow doesn’t show on her own. Which I am certain she won’t. I need to prepare some questions. I don’t even know what to ask. *Sigh*