Calmness and Peace {Dr. Appt}

Last week I had my first annual exam with my ob/gyn since having Liam....you remember Dr. Wonderful, yes?  Dr. Wonderful is an amazing doctor.  I know far too many women to dislike, even hate their ob/gyn and it saddens me.  The person who brings your child into this world should be wonderful to you, I wish everyone had a doctor like mine.

I sorta looked forward to my check up.  Crazy huh?  Compared to my visits with Dr. T (Hematologist extraordinaire) an annual is a walk in the park!  Plus I'm nearly 15lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, I've managed to maintain this weight for around 6 months and I'm darn proud of myself for it.  Also I love Dr. Wonderful's staff, they are equally as wonderful!  I walked in and the receptionist immediately says to me "You cut your hair!"  I was shocked that she even remembered me let alone my hairstyle after a year.  Love.

After confirming all my info and signing in I sat with my kindle fire hoping to read a bit of my newest book (Wild by Cheryl Strayed) before being called back.  Two clearly pregnant women were called back and shortly after so was I by my favorite nurse.  Happiness.  Nurse D and I caught up while I was weighed and had my blood pressure taken, she told me to strip down to nothing but the cape she pulled out and Dr. Wonderful would be right in.  I picked up my kindle after stripping down hoping Dr. Wonderful would have to do a few ultrasounds and I'd get a few pages in.  No such luck one page in and knock-knock.

Perhaps I have a strange bond with Dr. Wonderful but I was glad to see him.  He's older than both V and I, at least old enough to be either of our parents, maybe mid-50s?  He's easy to chat with but gets right down to business.  Boob exam, ugh I hate them but they are a necessary evil.  I brought up my ITP diagnoses and Dr. Wonderful delicately said "Hmm do you have future pregnancies planned?" I twisted my mouth a little and said "no..."  He seemed ok with that answer.  I couldn't help myself "I can't help but notice you didn't argue with me on no more babies, it's for the best isn't it?"  Dr. Wonderful "Well.  It's a bigger decision for you to possibly expand your family.  But it's a tough decision to be taken from you.  You could have more children, we could treat you and manage your ITP but it means more steroids.  I have some articles for you, I'd like you to be educated before you make a final decision.  I like that you are on Mirena, it's a good birth control for you as it prevents periods since you risk heavy bleeding."  The rest of our conversation was about my half marathon and how proud of my Dr. Wonderful is.  He kept saying "You look great!  Your working out, your organized, you're WEIRD!"  I just laughed.

After my exam I dressed and met Dr. Wonderful to get the article he mention and a rx for an inhailer for my asthma.  He again congratulated me on doing so well, told me I looked great and said "Well, see ya next year!"

After I left I could have returned to work for an hour but decided to take that time for myself, well kinda, I wanted to get some stuff cut up for dinner and change into comfy non-work clothes.  I wondered around my silent home picking up things and thinking about my appointment.  I had this wonderful sense of calm and peace.  I was thinking to myself while cutting up ingredients for dinner "If I could have one thing, anything, what would it be?  More time.  More time with Liam and V, with my friends and loved ones.  If I do get pregnant and my ITP goes haywire I truly could die and I would not get more time with anyone.  I would make a choice that would screw up the one thing I want most; more time with those I am already blessed to have.  Yeah, no more babies is the right choice for us.  Hopefully one day it won't sting as much but it's the right thing."  There were no tears which is rare.  In my hearts of hearts I want another child...a sibling for Liam, but more important than that is cherishing what I already have.  I put all the prepped ingredients in a bowl and headed off to pick up my sweet Liam.  I hugged him extra close and thanked God for him with tears in my eyes.  I am beyond blessed just to have him and get to be here to be his mom.

In about a week I have my next appointment with Dr. T (Hematologist extraordinaire), I'm anticipating treatment since I believe my platelet numbers have held the same pattern they have since being diagnosed last September.  Right now I feel good about it, I feel like I know what to expect and I have a lot of pride about accomplishing my first half marathon. 

Much Love,
-Jen

Celebrating My One Year Old

This Saturday friends and family will gather and celebrate my little boy's first birthday.  Little boy, not really a baby any more.  He's waving like mad and side-steps around furniture, walking is on the horizon! 

My bestie is making mounds of sweets, I've got almost all the decor ready now as long as the weather plays nice we should have a fun little time.  I've planned a few games that the kids can play if they'd like, the adults can just mingle and hang out.  (V's family is so big that we invited 60 people almost all of which are solely family). 

I'm excited to celebrate him with those who love him! 

My {Running} Addiction

Finding the time to run is a challenge but it's always worth it once I'm out there doing it.  Last night was the perfect example of this.  V made dinner after he got home around 5:45p, we all ate and before we knew it Liam's bedtime had arrived.  I changed into my running clothes, got Liam ready for bed, V gave him the last bottle of the evening and I read to him.  Soon V was placing our little blessing in his bed and I was headed out the door.  I always stop to tell V exactly where I am going and how long it should take, it's just something I have to do.

7:30ish I was out the door and on the pavement.  One earphone playing my favorite songs and the rhythm of my pace carried me away.  There are a few things I must be worried about because they kept bouncing through my mind, each time I'd push them away and just enjoy the moment.  Not to mention I had to pay attention to traffic on my way to the trail.  It was a comfortable 65 degrees, I was working hard enough that I needed to take off my top layer shirt, the cooler air felt so good as I went along the winding river path.  There is what some call a "running community" here, and now that I consider myself a runner I understand why!  It is beautiful place to run, running here has given me a new understanding and love of this city. I wish I could eloquently describe how running clears my mind but my words are too simple, the peace and silence is such a blessing!  I almost always feel like I have a fresh perspective and the energy to take on the world after a run.

I logged four miles last night, had you told me six months ago that I would be doing this I would have laughed at you. Doing a marathon has always been on my bucket list but I guess I never really thought it was achievable considering I've had asthma for 20 years.  I don't even recall why exactly I took up running this spring but I did and the more I did it the more I thought I really could do the half marathon this summer!  Now it's a true joy and passion in my life.  I'm deeply concerned about running in the fall and winter, running on a treadmill just isn't the same...in fact it's mind numbing comparatively.  Before I knew it 50 minutes had passed, I was back at my front door dripping sweat, feeling so relaxed and ready for a snack and shower.  I always get the best rest the night after a good run!

Two of my co-workers run with their children, age 17 and 11, I genuinely hope that one day running is a hobby that Liam and I can enjoy together.  Perhaps that should be on my bucket list (although if running isn't his thing that is ok).

Much Love
-Jen

(*written 5/31, I didn't have time to post it)

A Thankful Day

I work hard to be thankful for what I have and not wish for things to be different too often and these days being thankful comes easily.  So many things could be different and could have gone "wrong" that I feel like my cup not only runith over but is at the bottom of the ocean.  It's no secret I'm a lucky and very blessed girl, nay woman.

At this time last year we had just annouced our pregnancy to all our family and friends, I was sick as a dog with all day sickness but cherishing each moment of my pregnancy (and praying all the time that baby would make it due to weeks of spotting and bleeding).  This year V and I get to tote little Liam off to MIL & FIL's with about 30 family members, I could not be happier and I'm so very grateful.

I hope and pray with all my heart that each of you have so much to be thankful for, or at very least can find one thing to be deeply grateful for.

Much Love,
Jen and Liam

Ode to V.

I've done one of these posts before but I have such a great hubby I just can't help but do another!  I  have a pretty amazing husband, I certainly won the husband lottery!  He's not perfect but neither am I, however we both work hard at our relationship and what more could a girl ask for?  He's been pretty darn incredible during my pregnancy and while it has taken him some time to figure a few things out or see my perspective he always makes an effort.  And for that I give him major kudos, I mean the guy was 34 when we got married, he was pretty set in his ways!  He makes a serious effort, and while I certainly don't win all the battles (nor should I) he always tries to see my side even if he never agrees! :)

As you may remember our house had to undergo some construction before little guy arrives.  At first I was super excited, the house does need some love (we rent from V's family, looooong story).  But then the months drug on and now I find myself in my 9th month of pregnancy living in a construction zone, it's not easy to say the least.  I'm thankful that I married such a handy guy but I wish the others would step up and help instead of just relying on him knowing how handy he is.  I may not have mentioned V loves working with his hands, he's done many jobs over the years I've known him but they are always making/building things, he just isn't a "sit at a desk" kind of guy and that is fine by me.  So for the last ~3 years V has been installing hardwood floors, he enjoys it (for the most part) and it's a new skill for him.  So last night V's dad and uncle arrived before V got off work to begin the roof work, V (who had already put in a good 10 hours at work) pulls up to the house, gets out of his truck, climbs the latter to our roof and goes straight to work.  Wow! I thought to myself out loud "what a guy!" As I sat there watching the guys work I began rubbing my belly just feeling so blessed to have the love of this man who would work so hard for little guy and I.

It means so much to me that my son will grow up with strong male role models around him.  While I realize no one is perfect they are, in my eyes, role models of what a good man is (especially compared to my father, a far cry from a role model for anything).  I often survey my life and wonder how I got so lucky...I have a wonderful husband, in-laws and friends, not to mention good health and good health for my son.  V and I may not have "it all" in the world's eyes but we are beyond wealthy in love and have an abundance to give this baby.

My cup does not over-flow, it's sunken in a ocean of love and blessings!