On Turning 30

I've been a horrible blogger lately.  Life is so busy these days with working, trying to be super mom and a good wife, training for my race and oh yeah just being Jen.  No easy task I tell ya but I wouldn't have it any other way.  Life seems to speed by so quickly that I rarely even stop to think if something is blog worthy.

In about 20 days I'll be 30 years old.  Guess What? I'm PUMPED!  No seriously.  My life has only gotten better with each passing year and 30 is going to be a fantastic year!  Vic and I are [finally] doing well, I have the cutest little boy on the face of the planet and we will finally be in our own home, or at least really close, work is going well and I love running more than ever.  

30.is.going.to.ROCK!  
This is my year I can feel it.

I find it odd that people fear aging and seem to especially fear turning 30.  Not this lady, no sir.  Perhaps it's that I have yet to find a grey hair, not that I go searching for them either though... heaven knows I have my fair share of wrinkles and stretch marks.  My body is much different than Honestly I'm just so different than it once was but regardless I'm thankful I get to celebrate another year, I got to spend another year loving my family, really what more could I ask for?  None of us know the number of our days, I'm certainly not going to waste time stressing about getting older.

I'm not counting the days until the end of my twenties but I'm ready for 30, very ready.

Much Love,
Jen

It Still Stings

This has been on my heart for a while and it's time to get it off.

If you've read my blog for any amount of time you'll know three things about me: I'm a fitness nerd, We had a difficult time getting/staying pregnant, and I had an Autoimmune Disease for just under a year.  The last one was a bit intesnse but I feel like it really shaped me, taught me some things and I'm blessed beyond measure that it went away (after I was told it was a chronic and lifelong issue).

My baby toddler is a miracle, an absolute miracle....it's a miracle I got pregnant, stayed pregnant, delivered him safely into this world without a c-section.  He's healthy, easily the happiest person I know and just an absolute joy, even when teething.  During the 11 months I dealt with my ITP V and I came to the forced conclusion that it was best I don't have more babies.  It hurt, a lot.  I felt like the decision was taken from me (even though we weren't sure we'd try for more children before my diagnosis).  Eventually, aka about two weeks before I was told I was in remission, I came to terms with it, I even felt at peace with it.  Then on Aug  20th, nearly 11 months to the day after I was diagnosed I received news I never expected; I was in remission.  My heart lept and one of the first questions was "Do you think, if I am able to get pregnant again, that it will trigger my ITP to come back?"  Unfortunately the answer was "yes, although we have no way of knowing until it happens."  As you can imagine V wants me to stick around, Liam too.  V is not open to me getting pregnant and playing "Russian Pregnancy Roulette" as he calls it.  Who can blame him, I mean I don't want to leave him or Liam....nor risk loosing a pregnancy/baby....or my life.

But...I yearn for another child....truth be told another pregnancy.  I haven't morned the fact that I'll never feel the little flutters of a baby in my belly, never see my stomach grow and grow with life inside again.  I tear up at the sight of a beautiful pregnant woman.  And yes I get jealous of pregnant friends just as I did when we were struggling to get pregnant with Liam.  Recently someone gave back some of my maternity clothes, she didn't remember that I told her we would be unable to have more babies.  Gosh did that hurt.  There in my hands were these clothes, items I invested in with hopes of at least one more pregnancy....clothes I lovingly wore as I joyfully carried my Liam.

I know what you're thinking: Then adopt!  Or foster!  Both of those things are potential options in the future but neither of them replace the longing I have, nor will they ever.  If you don't understand that is fine, you probably didn't have to try to get pregnant or maybe you never feared you'd loose your pregnancy/baby.  Thank God for that for you, it's ok you don't understand.  I don't know how much time will have to pass before my soul finds true rest with this....maybe it never will but I know it's the right decision.  Like I've said before if I could have just one thing for sure it would be more time with those I love.  I won't risk loosing all the time I could have for the chance of another pregnancy/baby.

I guess my point is it still stings, I wonder if the day will ever come when it doesn't anymore.

That time Liam said "Doggie" Perfectly

I will confess, this is the most challenging time I've had has a parent.  Liam can make sounds but not words (other than; Dadda, Momma, Nanna, Yum).  I feel more lost now than ever before when trying to uncover what he wants.  Part of that is what he wants changes every .09 seconds.  I love that he can walk and giggle, he points very well which helps but the lack of verbal communication, coupled with his frustration and whining, its a challenge for me.  I want so much to know what he wants, to help him.  After 17 attempts (milk? walk? blocks?) we usually discover his want/need, but there has to be a better way.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, studies show boys develop slower verbally and faster with motor skills, so how can I help Liam to show me what he wants?  What can I do?  I racked my tiny, exhausted brain for days.  We never did the whole baby sign language thing, I had read somewhere that it can delay verbal development further in boys so I decided it wasn't for us, but maybe now a few signs would help?  I was torn. 

Flash forward to this morning; V, Liam and I are all chilling in the living room playing before we all leave for the day.  It was one of those rare non-rushed mornings, we were all smiling, Liam was giggling with ultimately makes V and I laugh like crazy.  Liam looked over at his Dinosaur walker toy, looks up at me and says "Doggie" perfectly.  V and I looked at one another in shock so much so that Liam thought he'd done something wrong until we started to laugh and say Yay, Liam!!!   I could care less that it wasn't really a doggie, it was perfect and a memory I will always cherish!

Another fun thing Liam says is "Dadda, N'mmmmm" when he likes his meal which is almost all meals, even when he's eating with me.  Momma is Liam's emergency word, he only uses it when he gets hurt or is upset.  Haha.  He has a handful of other noises that single when he wants up or is happy, he's such a funny and happy boy.

I have to say I think it's God's perfect timing, he shows us that all things work out perfectly in his time if we just let them.

Much Love,
Jen

Just Call Me: SuperMom/SuperWife!

I generally consider myself an organized person, having Liam has improved my time management skills like nobody's business!  But I'm still a person, things slip though the cracks sometimes.....

thanks google images

But not today!  I am so on it!  Today I paid almost all of our bills (hi, incase you hadn't noticed it's only August 2nd).  Most of our bills aren't even due for two more weeks, at least!  I also signed Liam up for Fall/Winter Parent & Tot Swim Lessons at the YMCA, in addition I signed myself up for a new fitness class at the Adult Learning Center in our town!  I love taking classes at our adult center, they are high quality but super affordable, 8 classes for $25?! Yes Please!  I've taken regular yoga but never the heated vinyasa so I'm pretty excited!  I might be overly excited because having this class also means it's scheduled "me" time (in case you are wondering it's after Liam is in bed, difficult to come by but not impossible).

All this while getting all my work  plus some done at the 'ol desk job!  (Bosslady is out of town so I've been able to juggle a bit extra today).  Not only all this but we have manage to pay off most of our car!  By October we will have no car payment and I'll probably lower our insurance to save even more!

I feel like supermom/superwife!  Today I could concur the world!  Or at very least organize it's schedule and perhaps balance it's bank account!

Ohohoh! And one more thing, I have dinner planned for tonight!  That's right, I'm awesome!

I hope you got a few giggles out of my silliness today!

Much Love,
Jen