Yesterday we had another appointment with the developer of the subdivision our home will be built in. V and I both expected this to be a "pick out your finishes" appointment. Not so much, we reviewed the blueprints (again), asked for one small change that won't affect the blueprints really and basically gave our approval. Ugh. Two weeks wasted. You see the developer didn't put in a request for our permits yet, he'll do that now and it will be 2-4 (or more) weeks before they break ground. As it pours rain right now. It's a miracle it hasn't snowed yet and there is no frost to break so I'm anxious (to say the least) for them to break ground. So far this *shouldn't* effect our move in date which is now a firm March 29th 2013.
I know this process is going be a big test in patience for me but right in this very moment it's just adding to the enormous amount of stress I'm already under. For the last week I've been right on the verge of throwing up. I would love nothing more than a long hot bath right now, something that is not an option in our current home. I'm counting the days until I can at least start packing and truly day dreaming of settling into our forever home.
The countdown is on, even if I spend more than a few days stuck at some numbers.
Much Love,
Jen
Showing posts with label V. Show all posts
Showing posts with label V. Show all posts
November 30, 2012
October 11, 2012
Something to Blog About
Gosh, I just haven't been making time to blog lately. Pretty often I'll have something run through my mind and I'll think that would make a great blog post! But with everything I've been juggling lately it rarely happens, clearly.
It's a lot to be a working mom, heck it's a lot to just be a mom! I've always had a lot on my plate, I've always liked being busy...heck I had three jobs while in college full time AND I'd volunteer somewhere regularly AND date V. All of that seems like cake compared to working full time, managing a household and smashing as much Liam time as I can get into a day, not to mention some "me" time. Oh yeah then add in looking for a house to buy. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
However I'm not complaining at all. I have so much to be thankful for. V and I have come a long way in the last few months, I would never have imagined having a child would be such a challenge to our relationship (especially when we tried hard for that child) but it was, most of the first year was really hard but we finally turned a corner and are doing great again. Thank God. We certainly aren't perfect but we are really good together, we love our family and are truly blessed.
On the house search front, we'll it's still a search that is for sure. You know all those things I mentioned a few paragraphs up about working full time etc? Well they also happen to make going to look for a house hard too but this weekend we've lined up four more contenders so fingers crossed! If I remember right two of them are foreclosures which V isn't thrilled about but you never know until you look!
In more upbeat news Liam is amazing! He's growing up so quickly! He's a professional walker now, he loves to be outside in the crunchy leaves! We just had family pictures done and I couldn't be more in love! We all wore super hero shirts per V'sdemands request. Liam was Spiderman, I- Wonder Woman naturally and V was Batman (again). Currently Liam is getting even more teeth (current tally is 9, yes 9 since March!) Right now his other molar is trying to pop through. On top of that he and I have been sharing a cold, the poor little guy. I think we've both about kicked the cold, the next few days should tell. He's trying really hard to master some new words but his main focus has been books lately. He will go get a book, wiggle his way into your lap and recline while you read to him (he also likes to turn the pages) then when the story is finishes he'll get up and get another book and repeat. 99% of the time it's adorable, then that 1% of the time when you have to read the same 4 page book 13 times in a row (seriously) not so much. BUT I'll take it, I'll take whatever I can get from my little guy, every moment is special and fleeting.
Ok well at least I wrote about something. Now if only I could get a workout in tonight....hmmmm.
Happy Thursday!
It's a lot to be a working mom, heck it's a lot to just be a mom! I've always had a lot on my plate, I've always liked being busy...heck I had three jobs while in college full time AND I'd volunteer somewhere regularly AND date V. All of that seems like cake compared to working full time, managing a household and smashing as much Liam time as I can get into a day, not to mention some "me" time. Oh yeah then add in looking for a house to buy. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
However I'm not complaining at all. I have so much to be thankful for. V and I have come a long way in the last few months, I would never have imagined having a child would be such a challenge to our relationship (especially when we tried hard for that child) but it was, most of the first year was really hard but we finally turned a corner and are doing great again. Thank God. We certainly aren't perfect but we are really good together, we love our family and are truly blessed.
On the house search front, we'll it's still a search that is for sure. You know all those things I mentioned a few paragraphs up about working full time etc? Well they also happen to make going to look for a house hard too but this weekend we've lined up four more contenders so fingers crossed! If I remember right two of them are foreclosures which V isn't thrilled about but you never know until you look!
In more upbeat news Liam is amazing! He's growing up so quickly! He's a professional walker now, he loves to be outside in the crunchy leaves! We just had family pictures done and I couldn't be more in love! We all wore super hero shirts per V's
Ok well at least I wrote about something. Now if only I could get a workout in tonight....hmmmm.
Happy Thursday!
September 27, 2012
That time Liam said "Doggie" Perfectly
I will confess, this is the most challenging time I've had has a parent. Liam can make sounds but not words (other than; Dadda, Momma, Nanna, Yum). I feel more lost now than ever before when trying to uncover what he wants. Part of that is what he wants changes every .09 seconds. I love that he can walk and giggle, he points very well which helps but the lack of verbal communication, coupled with his frustration and whining, its a challenge for me. I want so much to know what he wants, to help him. After 17 attempts (milk? walk? blocks?) we usually discover his want/need, but there has to be a better way.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, studies show boys develop slower verbally and faster with motor skills, so how can I help Liam to show me what he wants? What can I do? I racked my tiny, exhausted brain for days. We never did the whole baby sign language thing, I had read somewhere that it can delay verbal development further in boys so I decided it wasn't for us, but maybe now a few signs would help? I was torn.
Flash forward to this morning; V, Liam and I are all chilling in the living room playing before we all leave for the day. It was one of those rare non-rushed mornings, we were all smiling, Liam was giggling with ultimately makes V and I laugh like crazy. Liam looked over at his Dinosaur walker toy, looks up at me and says "Doggie" perfectly. V and I looked at one another in shock so much so that Liam thought he'd done something wrong until we started to laugh and say Yay, Liam!!! I could care less that it wasn't really a doggie, it was perfect and a memory I will always cherish!
Another fun thing Liam says is "Dadda, N'mmmmm" when he likes his meal which is almost all meals, even when he's eating with me. Momma is Liam's emergency word, he only uses it when he gets hurt or is upset. Haha. He has a handful of other noises that single when he wants up or is happy, he's such a funny and happy boy.
I have to say I think it's God's perfect timing, he shows us that all things work out perfectly in his time if we just let them.
Much Love,
Jen
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, studies show boys develop slower verbally and faster with motor skills, so how can I help Liam to show me what he wants? What can I do? I racked my tiny, exhausted brain for days. We never did the whole baby sign language thing, I had read somewhere that it can delay verbal development further in boys so I decided it wasn't for us, but maybe now a few signs would help? I was torn.
Flash forward to this morning; V, Liam and I are all chilling in the living room playing before we all leave for the day. It was one of those rare non-rushed mornings, we were all smiling, Liam was giggling with ultimately makes V and I laugh like crazy. Liam looked over at his Dinosaur walker toy, looks up at me and says "Doggie" perfectly. V and I looked at one another in shock so much so that Liam thought he'd done something wrong until we started to laugh and say Yay, Liam!!! I could care less that it wasn't really a doggie, it was perfect and a memory I will always cherish!
Another fun thing Liam says is "Dadda, N'mmmmm" when he likes his meal which is almost all meals, even when he's eating with me. Momma is Liam's emergency word, he only uses it when he gets hurt or is upset. Haha. He has a handful of other noises that single when he wants up or is happy, he's such a funny and happy boy.
I have to say I think it's God's perfect timing, he shows us that all things work out perfectly in his time if we just let them.
Much Love,
Jen
September 24, 2012
Our First Time Looking at Homes
Oh my gosh, had it been an episode of House Hunters it would have been the funniest episode ever! V picked out the first house (my first choice sold, boo) and I selected three others one of which was a foreclosure because hey why not?
V's cousin's husband is a successful realtor so we asked him to be ours on this journey, boy am I glad we did. For starters he has educated us every step of the way and handled our multiple emails with such grace and he was fun to look at homes with, I totally understand why he has been so successful even though the recession.
We looked at V's #1 pick first and both fell in love. The home is essentially move in ready. The main floor has a open concept living/dining/kitchen, a bedroom and bathroom that will be Liam's as well as a great master suite. The backyard is almost complete minus a little sod and covers for the egress windows. The yard is smaller than I'd like but there is room enough to play, patio with room for a bbq is already installed. The two car garage already has an automatic opener in stalled as well. The house also has an unfinished basement with room for two more bedrooms and a bath (or a master suite, and large family room), there is also an existing laundry area. It's a really nice house that is comfortably in our budget.
The next three houses are were the comedy comes in. I just have to say that realors are sneaky with their pictures! Or maybe I need to pay closer attention to what isn't pictured! The second house had a fantastic yard but the kitchen was so small, SO small! it was galley style with only two inches on either side of my hips! And the livingroom was more like an entry way. The third house was occupied by renters (though they were not home as we scheduled the viewing), those renters were clearly 5-6 guys, the house was nasty dirty and while the layout was amazing....it was on the edge of a drainage ditch! Um, in the middle of town, what?! Not only that the ditch ran along the side and back of the house with no fence, and no room for a fence! Can you say rejected?! The last house was the foreclosure......and a mobile home on a basement, I didn't even know you could do that! Ugh. The pictures were so sneaky with a big deck and mature maple free, also the layout of the pictures was confusing, sneaky! I kept singing "queen of my double wide trailor" to V. Haha!
After the final house V and I went for some frozen yogurt (the grandparent's were enjoying some Liam time). We talked over our options and basically came to the conclusion that we both really love the first house. Crazy. We agreed to take a little time to pray on it before making any more decisions. I really hope the answer comes to us soon, this house could sell really fast and I think I'm getting attached! Ek!
V's cousin's husband is a successful realtor so we asked him to be ours on this journey, boy am I glad we did. For starters he has educated us every step of the way and handled our multiple emails with such grace and he was fun to look at homes with, I totally understand why he has been so successful even though the recession.
We looked at V's #1 pick first and both fell in love. The home is essentially move in ready. The main floor has a open concept living/dining/kitchen, a bedroom and bathroom that will be Liam's as well as a great master suite. The backyard is almost complete minus a little sod and covers for the egress windows. The yard is smaller than I'd like but there is room enough to play, patio with room for a bbq is already installed. The two car garage already has an automatic opener in stalled as well. The house also has an unfinished basement with room for two more bedrooms and a bath (or a master suite, and large family room), there is also an existing laundry area. It's a really nice house that is comfortably in our budget.
The next three houses are were the comedy comes in. I just have to say that realors are sneaky with their pictures! Or maybe I need to pay closer attention to what isn't pictured! The second house had a fantastic yard but the kitchen was so small, SO small! it was galley style with only two inches on either side of my hips! And the livingroom was more like an entry way. The third house was occupied by renters (though they were not home as we scheduled the viewing), those renters were clearly 5-6 guys, the house was nasty dirty and while the layout was amazing....it was on the edge of a drainage ditch! Um, in the middle of town, what?! Not only that the ditch ran along the side and back of the house with no fence, and no room for a fence! Can you say rejected?! The last house was the foreclosure......and a mobile home on a basement, I didn't even know you could do that! Ugh. The pictures were so sneaky with a big deck and mature maple free, also the layout of the pictures was confusing, sneaky! I kept singing "queen of my double wide trailor" to V. Haha!
After the final house V and I went for some frozen yogurt (the grandparent's were enjoying some Liam time). We talked over our options and basically came to the conclusion that we both really love the first house. Crazy. We agreed to take a little time to pray on it before making any more decisions. I really hope the answer comes to us soon, this house could sell really fast and I think I'm getting attached! Ek!
August 24, 2012
A Day In the Life {of a Working Mom}
I saw a post similar to this on a stay-at-home-mom blog and thought it would be fun to compare.
A Typical Day;
6:10 am I get up after hitting the snooze once, I can hear my coffee brewing and I want to be out of the shower before it's done (I have a coffee maker with a timer that I load with grounds the night before it is HEAVEN!)
6:33 am I'm out of the shower, dressed, sipping coffee and putting on make up. Fingers crossed to have my hair done before Liam is up, this is rare.
6:45 am V gets Liam up, brings him into the kitchen and feeds him, today's breakfast is cut up banana and vanilla yogurt with some milk and a few honeynut cheerios. I'm sssoooo close to being done with my hair, darn it!
6:50 am I'm finally done getting ready, I take Liam into the living room and play with him on the floor while I sip some coffee and eat my breakfast (vanilla yogurt with vanilla/almond granola and a few dark chocolate chips). We always have the national news on but I rarely hear much.
7:20 am V starts to prepare for work, I dress Liam for the day, brush his hair and teeth, then continue playing.
7:38 am I pull together anything Liam will need for his day with Nanna and my leftovers, we load up and head out.
7:56 am we pull up to Nanna's, go in chat with her about anything necessary, I leave for work (Liam typically cries a little when I leave now, it's hard but Nanna has told me it never lasts more than 30 seconds, I choose to believe her).
8:10 am-4:30 pm I work.
4:55 pm I pick up Liam at Nanna's. I always ask if he took both naps, ate well, poo'd etc.
5:15 pm Liam and I get home, Liam likes to eat immediately so I put him in his highchair with a snack which today was watermelon and begin on dinner (note to self get better at using crockpot). Today I baked some chicken breasts and prepared salad (Liam's dinner is a small portion of whatever we eat, I also made some peas for him which are one of his favorites!)
5:35 pm V is working late so I eat with Liam, we are all done with dinner so we head to the livingroom for playtime.
6:04 pm V gets home from work, he eats and showers since he had a long day.
6:20 pm-7:20 pm we play with Liam, practice walking, play with blocks etc. Sometimes we'll go for a walk but V is extra tired and I'm certainly not well enough yet. We only do baths every few nights if it were a bath night we'd do one from 7:00 pm to about 7:20ish.
7:30p we start bedtime routine; Tonight I change Liam's diaper, brush his teeth and put him in jammies while V fills his humidifier, picks up the toys in the livingroom and straightens his bedding. Liam sits in my lap with his monkey and sippy while V reads two stories from Liam's children's bible, kisses and into the crib. We tell Liam we love him and "night night"
7:40-9p Time with V, we typically watch TV and just hang out (I often go running during this time or twice a week V plays video games). I usually put out my clothes for the next day and prepare leftovers for Liam and my lunches as well. I might do some light cleaning during this time...sometimes.
9:30p I often go to bed, I've always been a morning person.(with how sick I've been lately I've gone to bed as early as 8pm, sad.)
So there you have it, a typical Thursday in our lives. It's pretty organized, because it has to be but honestly I like it that way.
Much Love,
Jen
A Typical Day;
6:10 am I get up after hitting the snooze once, I can hear my coffee brewing and I want to be out of the shower before it's done (I have a coffee maker with a timer that I load with grounds the night before it is HEAVEN!)
6:33 am I'm out of the shower, dressed, sipping coffee and putting on make up. Fingers crossed to have my hair done before Liam is up, this is rare.
6:45 am V gets Liam up, brings him into the kitchen and feeds him, today's breakfast is cut up banana and vanilla yogurt with some milk and a few honeynut cheerios. I'm sssoooo close to being done with my hair, darn it!
6:50 am I'm finally done getting ready, I take Liam into the living room and play with him on the floor while I sip some coffee and eat my breakfast (vanilla yogurt with vanilla/almond granola and a few dark chocolate chips). We always have the national news on but I rarely hear much.
7:20 am V starts to prepare for work, I dress Liam for the day, brush his hair and teeth, then continue playing.
7:38 am I pull together anything Liam will need for his day with Nanna and my leftovers, we load up and head out.
7:56 am we pull up to Nanna's, go in chat with her about anything necessary, I leave for work (Liam typically cries a little when I leave now, it's hard but Nanna has told me it never lasts more than 30 seconds, I choose to believe her).
8:10 am-4:30 pm I work.
4:55 pm I pick up Liam at Nanna's. I always ask if he took both naps, ate well, poo'd etc.
5:15 pm Liam and I get home, Liam likes to eat immediately so I put him in his highchair with a snack which today was watermelon and begin on dinner (note to self get better at using crockpot). Today I baked some chicken breasts and prepared salad (Liam's dinner is a small portion of whatever we eat, I also made some peas for him which are one of his favorites!)
5:35 pm V is working late so I eat with Liam, we are all done with dinner so we head to the livingroom for playtime.
6:04 pm V gets home from work, he eats and showers since he had a long day.
6:20 pm-7:20 pm we play with Liam, practice walking, play with blocks etc. Sometimes we'll go for a walk but V is extra tired and I'm certainly not well enough yet. We only do baths every few nights if it were a bath night we'd do one from 7:00 pm to about 7:20ish.
7:30p we start bedtime routine; Tonight I change Liam's diaper, brush his teeth and put him in jammies while V fills his humidifier, picks up the toys in the livingroom and straightens his bedding. Liam sits in my lap with his monkey and sippy while V reads two stories from Liam's children's bible, kisses and into the crib. We tell Liam we love him and "night night"
7:40-9p Time with V, we typically watch TV and just hang out (I often go running during this time or twice a week V plays video games). I usually put out my clothes for the next day and prepare leftovers for Liam and my lunches as well. I might do some light cleaning during this time...sometimes.
9:30p I often go to bed, I've always been a morning person.(with how sick I've been lately I've gone to bed as early as 8pm, sad.)
So there you have it, a typical Thursday in our lives. It's pretty organized, because it has to be but honestly I like it that way.
Much Love,
Jen
July 31, 2012
Feeling Pretty {Me Time}
Since completing my first half marathon earlier this month I'm finding it difficult to make time for myself. I know I've said it a million times before but I don't like spending time away from Liam unless he's asleep, I'm a working mom and therefore I only get maybe 3 hours with him after work each day. I'm blessed that V and I have similar work schedules and that Liam sleeps 12 hours at night, this allows many opportunities for me to take "me" time.
The problem lies with me actually taking the time and using it for myself. I typically run around like a mad woman cleaning, organizing and doing things that could easily wait for another day. I'm taking a bit of a break from running too, running is certainly me time but my body needs restoration.
Last night though I went out of my way for some Jen time. After Liam went down I told V I was going to run errands and I intended to but my nails have been bugging me for....ever. I'm not usually that girl that wants a manicure, sure I like them but I also enjoy doing my own nails. Lately though my hands have been rough and my cuticles a hot mess, it was time. I would typically want to go to a nice spa and enjoy a fancier manicure but it was 8pm on a Monday night, only the express place in the mall would still be open. I jetted over there and after a short wait my nail were being primped and polished! I got to sit in relative silence, enjoy some Olympics (Volley Ball) and come out feeling pretty, success....sweet success! I no longer had time to run the errands I wanted to accomplish, all the placed I had hoped to hit up were closed and I couldn't have cared less! I stopped at the grocery store near our home to get a few things, got gas and headed home. I literally pranced through the door, I felt that good about myself (new moms are easy to please!) I declared no errands were accomplished, I got a manicure! V just smiled; good!
Tonight Liam is down for the count, he's getting two more teeth (on the tops) and it's wiping him out. V is playing video games and I think I'm going to ignore the chores I could do and look for a new book! (V got me a kindle fire for My Birthday/Mother's Day and I love it!!! I've already read: Kisses from Katie, Girl Walks Into a Bar, Bossypants & Where You Left Me.)
I hope each of you are having a lovely Tuesday!
-Jen
The problem lies with me actually taking the time and using it for myself. I typically run around like a mad woman cleaning, organizing and doing things that could easily wait for another day. I'm taking a bit of a break from running too, running is certainly me time but my body needs restoration.
Last night though I went out of my way for some Jen time. After Liam went down I told V I was going to run errands and I intended to but my nails have been bugging me for....ever. I'm not usually that girl that wants a manicure, sure I like them but I also enjoy doing my own nails. Lately though my hands have been rough and my cuticles a hot mess, it was time. I would typically want to go to a nice spa and enjoy a fancier manicure but it was 8pm on a Monday night, only the express place in the mall would still be open. I jetted over there and after a short wait my nail were being primped and polished! I got to sit in relative silence, enjoy some Olympics (Volley Ball) and come out feeling pretty, success....sweet success! I no longer had time to run the errands I wanted to accomplish, all the placed I had hoped to hit up were closed and I couldn't have cared less! I stopped at the grocery store near our home to get a few things, got gas and headed home. I literally pranced through the door, I felt that good about myself (new moms are easy to please!) I declared no errands were accomplished, I got a manicure! V just smiled; good!
Tonight Liam is down for the count, he's getting two more teeth (on the tops) and it's wiping him out. V is playing video games and I think I'm going to ignore the chores I could do and look for a new book! (V got me a kindle fire for My Birthday/Mother's Day and I love it!!! I've already read: Kisses from Katie, Girl Walks Into a Bar, Bossypants & Where You Left Me.)
I hope each of you are having a lovely Tuesday!
-Jen
July 6, 2012
32ish Hours Until My FIRST Half Marathon
If I said I felt completely ready I'd be lying. My little family unit of 3 spent the last week at the family cabin which means I've done almost no running. The final week before a half or full marathon you aren't supposed to train hard but I would feel better if I'd gotten at least one or two runs in, but it just wasn't in the cards.
With that said, I'm as ready as I can be. Tomorrow I'll pick up my registration info, maybe go on a sort hike for some last minute cross training (or maybe a walk), I'll have a big pasta dinner along with the powerade I've been chugging. I have comfortable and work-out appropriate clothing and shoes...all the equipment I need. I've worked hard for months, it's not about my time, it's just about finishing.
V is being supportive as he has been this whole time. He, Liam, my in-laws, and bestie are planning to meet me at the end of my race. It's funny because I imagine most people spend a lot of energy thinking about the moment they cross the finish line....I haven't. I'm certain I'll cry because that is just who I am but other than that I haven't really thought much about, I sorta just look at this as another run (reality will surely set in when I see the thousands of people waiting to start the race too). I am blessed to live in a beautiful city, I can't wait to do this run and as I've mentioned before I'm pretty excited to have it done too. :)
I'll surely post a few pics and the results after I have recovered!
Much Love,
Jen
With that said, I'm as ready as I can be. Tomorrow I'll pick up my registration info, maybe go on a sort hike for some last minute cross training (or maybe a walk), I'll have a big pasta dinner along with the powerade I've been chugging. I have comfortable and work-out appropriate clothing and shoes...all the equipment I need. I've worked hard for months, it's not about my time, it's just about finishing.
V is being supportive as he has been this whole time. He, Liam, my in-laws, and bestie are planning to meet me at the end of my race. It's funny because I imagine most people spend a lot of energy thinking about the moment they cross the finish line....I haven't. I'm certain I'll cry because that is just who I am but other than that I haven't really thought much about, I sorta just look at this as another run (reality will surely set in when I see the thousands of people waiting to start the race too). I am blessed to live in a beautiful city, I can't wait to do this run and as I've mentioned before I'm pretty excited to have it done too. :)
I'll surely post a few pics and the results after I have recovered!
Much Love,
Jen
May 7, 2012
Would You Parent Differently?
I've heard this question asked of older generations, the whole "in retrospect" concept but that isn't exactly what I'm talking about here (although I gladly invite any advice etc).
What I'm focused on is this; If you knew the baby in your arms would be your only, would you parent him/her differently? As the reality that Liam will be our only child finds rest in my soul I think about this question/topic often. Knowing he'll be my only child and these days are fleeting I am so much more willing to snuggle him extra at bedtime, play longer in the tub etc. I'm beyond grateful that I got to have one amazing baby, he defines Miracle Baby.
Some days are easier than others, I feel like this decision was taken from me due to my autoimmune disease but it's the smart thing to do, it's my reality and there isn't much that will change it. I'm not saying I'm a better parent but I do think this perspective makes me more patient with Liam, I lavish my love on him even when I'm tired and would love some time to myself, I look closely at him with an intentional smile trying to soak up every single moment and store it in my soul. I intentionally seek extra time with him, I schedule anything I can when he's napping (on the weekends) or asleep for the night (during the week). Daily I promise him that no matter what I will be there for him, I will love him and support him.
It's a hard thing to know; that regardless of whether or not you could have more children...you shouldn't. (I started to go into the details of why we have chosen to not have more children and it got a bit too emotional for me. The facts are I have one amazing miracle baby that means the world to me, I have more than I could ever ask for and I am grateful.)
Much Love,
Jen
Edit to include: I kinda lost my train of thought last night....So what I was getting at is, if you knew that baby/child in your arms would be your one and only, do you think you would do anything differently? I'd love to hear feedback!
What I'm focused on is this; If you knew the baby in your arms would be your only, would you parent him/her differently? As the reality that Liam will be our only child finds rest in my soul I think about this question/topic often. Knowing he'll be my only child and these days are fleeting I am so much more willing to snuggle him extra at bedtime, play longer in the tub etc. I'm beyond grateful that I got to have one amazing baby, he defines Miracle Baby.
Some days are easier than others, I feel like this decision was taken from me due to my autoimmune disease but it's the smart thing to do, it's my reality and there isn't much that will change it. I'm not saying I'm a better parent but I do think this perspective makes me more patient with Liam, I lavish my love on him even when I'm tired and would love some time to myself, I look closely at him with an intentional smile trying to soak up every single moment and store it in my soul. I intentionally seek extra time with him, I schedule anything I can when he's napping (on the weekends) or asleep for the night (during the week). Daily I promise him that no matter what I will be there for him, I will love him and support him.
It's a hard thing to know; that regardless of whether or not you could have more children...you shouldn't. (I started to go into the details of why we have chosen to not have more children and it got a bit too emotional for me. The facts are I have one amazing miracle baby that means the world to me, I have more than I could ever ask for and I am grateful.)
Much Love,
Jen
Edit to include: I kinda lost my train of thought last night....So what I was getting at is, if you knew that baby/child in your arms would be your one and only, do you think you would do anything differently? I'd love to hear feedback!
March 29, 2012
I'm still alive!
Whew, life has been so busy, but I love it! I've felt at a loss for topics to write about lately, this blog is really my journal and a place for me to vent, explore emotions and release....but with all the running (more like jogging) I've been doing I've been able to explore emotions and release while getting my sweat on, so I've been a bit MIA here, sorry.
Things are good, it's very Spring in MT....which doesn't mean a ton yet, it's a little chilly and we've had some rain but Summer is a coming, things are starting to green up! Liam and I are itching to start hiking (I scored a framed pack to wear Liam in and already used it once!). I day dream of taking the day off work to take Liam to a local water park (more like park with water feature, same diff).
Liam is amazing, he now has two teeth (bottom center), scoots, loves his Johnny Jump Up and the dog more each day. He can say Mom-mom and Dadda but mostly uses Da-da-da when not babbling in general. He eats anything you put in front of him food wise, except carrots....he hates carrots. He loves feeding himself! One of the meals I often make for him is pureed turkey breast with whole wheat spiral noodles with a little basic marinara and a veggie (butternut squash is his fav), he loves to feed himself the noodles. He's also a pro with his sippy cup. I think he's right on the verge of crawling and waving. Where has time gone?!?!?
My heath is good, another month until my next scheduled appt with Dr T and I'm feeling good. Some days I worry and over think this whole crazy thing so I'm learning to just breath and use critical thinking skills to handle the hard moments. The hardest times are when I start to think long term/big picture since my autoimmune disease is pretty unpredictable, while all of our futures are uncertain to some extent, mine is more so...this is no bueno for the planner in me....but I'll get there. One day at a time.
V and I are fine, we've hit a bit of a rough patch as all marriages do. Hmmm... since I'm writing from work I think that is all I'll say about that.
Work is great, all three of us are training for the marathon in July (including the new girl, who is amazing)...this has helped the over all attitude of our office. There is a lot to be said about exercise increasing happiness. Work is also busy which makes the days go buy, that coupled with the raises I've gotten in the last year make it all worth while.
The only other thing bouncing around my mind today is my 10 year reunion is coming up. I didn't have the most enjoyable childhood, to say the least....I'm uncertain if I'll attend any of the events. It doesn't help that the reunion it's self is the day before the marathon (minimum of two hours away). I'll probably decide at the last minute if I'll attend.
So there you have it, all the goings on of my little world. I hope each of you are well, including all the preggos out there! Summer is going to be amazing and by the end there will be LOTS of new babies in our lives!
Things are good, it's very Spring in MT....which doesn't mean a ton yet, it's a little chilly and we've had some rain but Summer is a coming, things are starting to green up! Liam and I are itching to start hiking (I scored a framed pack to wear Liam in and already used it once!). I day dream of taking the day off work to take Liam to a local water park (more like park with water feature, same diff).
Liam is amazing, he now has two teeth (bottom center), scoots, loves his Johnny Jump Up and the dog more each day. He can say Mom-mom and Dadda but mostly uses Da-da-da when not babbling in general. He eats anything you put in front of him food wise, except carrots....he hates carrots. He loves feeding himself! One of the meals I often make for him is pureed turkey breast with whole wheat spiral noodles with a little basic marinara and a veggie (butternut squash is his fav), he loves to feed himself the noodles. He's also a pro with his sippy cup. I think he's right on the verge of crawling and waving. Where has time gone?!?!?
My heath is good, another month until my next scheduled appt with Dr T and I'm feeling good. Some days I worry and over think this whole crazy thing so I'm learning to just breath and use critical thinking skills to handle the hard moments. The hardest times are when I start to think long term/big picture since my autoimmune disease is pretty unpredictable, while all of our futures are uncertain to some extent, mine is more so...this is no bueno for the planner in me....but I'll get there. One day at a time.
V and I are fine, we've hit a bit of a rough patch as all marriages do. Hmmm... since I'm writing from work I think that is all I'll say about that.
Work is great, all three of us are training for the marathon in July (including the new girl, who is amazing)...this has helped the over all attitude of our office. There is a lot to be said about exercise increasing happiness. Work is also busy which makes the days go buy, that coupled with the raises I've gotten in the last year make it all worth while.
The only other thing bouncing around my mind today is my 10 year reunion is coming up. I didn't have the most enjoyable childhood, to say the least....I'm uncertain if I'll attend any of the events. It doesn't help that the reunion it's self is the day before the marathon (minimum of two hours away). I'll probably decide at the last minute if I'll attend.
So there you have it, all the goings on of my little world. I hope each of you are well, including all the preggos out there! Summer is going to be amazing and by the end there will be LOTS of new babies in our lives!
February 26, 2012
Bad Blogger
I feel like I've neglected my blog lately. I have been so caught up in my whole "situation" with insurance that it's taken a vast majority of my spare energy. And let's face it, who wants to hear about that all the time? No one, not even me some days.
At this moment it appears I have a chance of winning the battle with insurance. It boils down to the other doctor only has hours one day a week that I can see her (her restrictions, not mine)....since my auto immune disease can be dangerous if not well monitored my insurance might be willing to allow me a temporary continuance of care (~1 year). I'll let you know what comes of it; hopefully I'll have answers on Tuesday.
In other news work is going well, my boss had hired a woman in our department that turned out to be a lazy pos. I'm not so great at hiding my feelings (imagine that, lol) and it was rough sailing for a while there because of it. Well the new woman finally quit. My boss was too prideful to admit she had made a bad hire, and with two other open roles on our team I can understand to an extent. I've stepped up and have created some training documents and will be doing some traveling to train members of our team. I've also held down the fort with the now 3 open roles (two of which should be filled shortly). Thankfully my boss has seen this. She can be a handful, but when things are good they are really good. I found out last week I'm scheduled to get my third raise in 1.5 years so I must be doing something right. These aren't huge raises, I'm certainly not breaking the bank, I took a 10% pay cut to leave my old very stressful job...I'm almost back at that wage which was a decent income.
On the marriage home front....V and I are getting ready to celebrate four years of marriage. Not a very long time in the grand scheme of things but with all we've been through I really wanted to close the book on year four and welcome year five with a trip away. Liam is slated to sleep over at G'ma and G'pa's house while V and I travel 3 hours away to spend a night in a fancy hotel, attend a concert, shop a little, enjoy new restaurants and take a little time for ourselves. V isn't terribly excited about the concert, which is typical, but I know he'll have a good time once we are there. This will be really good for us.
Then there is Liam, the reason my world spins. My gosh, he's amazing! He is a professional grasper now, I can put virtually anything sorta near him and he will bend completely over and get it. He loves feeding himself little treats! Today the three of us just stayed home in our jammies, it was glorious to just play with him, nap and snack....I wish today didn't have to end!
So there you have it, all the goings-on of my little world. I hope each of you is well!
Much Love,
Jen
At this moment it appears I have a chance of winning the battle with insurance. It boils down to the other doctor only has hours one day a week that I can see her (her restrictions, not mine)....since my auto immune disease can be dangerous if not well monitored my insurance might be willing to allow me a temporary continuance of care (~1 year). I'll let you know what comes of it; hopefully I'll have answers on Tuesday.
In other news work is going well, my boss had hired a woman in our department that turned out to be a lazy pos. I'm not so great at hiding my feelings (imagine that, lol) and it was rough sailing for a while there because of it. Well the new woman finally quit. My boss was too prideful to admit she had made a bad hire, and with two other open roles on our team I can understand to an extent. I've stepped up and have created some training documents and will be doing some traveling to train members of our team. I've also held down the fort with the now 3 open roles (two of which should be filled shortly). Thankfully my boss has seen this. She can be a handful, but when things are good they are really good. I found out last week I'm scheduled to get my third raise in 1.5 years so I must be doing something right. These aren't huge raises, I'm certainly not breaking the bank, I took a 10% pay cut to leave my old very stressful job...I'm almost back at that wage which was a decent income.
On the marriage home front....V and I are getting ready to celebrate four years of marriage. Not a very long time in the grand scheme of things but with all we've been through I really wanted to close the book on year four and welcome year five with a trip away. Liam is slated to sleep over at G'ma and G'pa's house while V and I travel 3 hours away to spend a night in a fancy hotel, attend a concert, shop a little, enjoy new restaurants and take a little time for ourselves. V isn't terribly excited about the concert, which is typical, but I know he'll have a good time once we are there. This will be really good for us.
Then there is Liam, the reason my world spins. My gosh, he's amazing! He is a professional grasper now, I can put virtually anything sorta near him and he will bend completely over and get it. He loves feeding himself little treats! Today the three of us just stayed home in our jammies, it was glorious to just play with him, nap and snack....I wish today didn't have to end!
So there you have it, all the goings-on of my little world. I hope each of you is well!
Much Love,
Jen
January 25, 2012
Dr Appt Update (Auto Immune Disease Related)
Hey Peeps,
If you are my "in real life" friend let's keep the following between you and I for now, -k-
Much Love, Jen
Wow just writing that title is a bit draining. I keep hoping and praying this whole thing will come to a close and be done or that I'll get some definitive answers about what my future looks like but alas I have not and it looks like I won't be any time soon, as is the nature of my...disease. (I'm coming to the realization that I have to start calling it that, I have a disease...)
Yesterday Monday I had a check up with Dr. T (Hematologist Extraordinaire). It had been two months since I'd seen him. Two glorious months with out those damn darn steroids pulsing through me. Two months of pretending life was hunky dory. I really didn't think about my ITP much until a few days before my appointment, I started to get really anxious....unfortunately when this happens I tend to close off, I don't confide in people, I internalize. It's just how I deal, more on that later.
Monday morning finally rolled around, I got up a little extra early to have some quiet with my thoughts and coffee. I took my time showering, dressing and doing my hair/makeup. That always makes me feel a little better, heaven knows why, but it does. Then the morning went about it's usual routine: Liam happily rises requesting a clean diapie, a morning bottle, snuggles etc. Before I knew it I was dropping him off with Nanna and heading back into town. I treated myself to a Carmel latte with whip cream and headed to the hospital. I had around an hour before my appointment so I carried along a magazine, my ipod touch and my cell phone (dead battery and all, of all the days I could have used the distraction of a text my charger was at work, oy).
My blood draw was the least painful I've had yet, thank God for that! I also think it helps that my poor arm has had time to rest and heal. I was in and out of the lab in record time so I just headed over to the oncology office. Upon signing in, with the receptionist who still remembers me by name (how awesome is she?) I was informed that my shiny new insurance iswonky crap....great, as if I wasn't anxious enough. Then I over hear (because I was standing literally in front of the woman) that they have over booked my dr during my time, I should have said "I'm really sorry but I need to be on time so I can get to work." but didn't. Thus I would end up waiting an hour to see my doctor. Fun times.
After, what seemed like forever, I finally got to see Dr. T. My numbers are again lower....looks like my ITP is likely chronic. I had suspected and feared this for some time and now here it was staring me in the face. I swallowed hard and glanced to the side, as I always do when I don't want to discuss something. I don't have to go back on the steroids yet but Dr T is predicting my ITP is here to stay. Also I've lost five more pounds, I'm twelve pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. Dr. T wasn't concerned but clearly thought enough to bring it up in conversation. *side note I'm not trying to loose weight, I need to start toning but cardio=therapy for me* He also told me that my hemoglobin (red blood cells) are looking much healthier (after four months of taking 300% of the daily requirement of iron each day, yuck) but I'm to stay on the iron for at least 8 more months. I can handle that. Up on to the exam table for the physical. Dr. T makes small talk, he's such a nice guy, it makes it so much easier to face these appointments. We discuss the mass of snow we got and how both of us got stuck, luckily he has teenagers that could dig him out! He tells me that even if my ITP is chronic that it's not unreasonable to want or try to have more children, this is reassuring to me. In passing I mention I've been having shooting pains in my right breast, I figured it was just my hormones and he'd pass it off as I had....nope....he's concerned. Eff. I'm handed a "gown" for lack of a better word and asked to undress from the waist up, full breast exam to come. Eff. I hate these more than anything on the planet but if he's concerned I guess it's necessary. He comes back in and checks my poor floppy breasts and arm pits for lumps and bumps. Nothing. (I also had found nothing in my own self exams). This is something more to keep an eye on. He wants to see me back in 3 months. Should I find any lumps/bumps have specific bruising or become concerned I'm to call and have blood work done.
I'm saddened that the time between my visits isn't extending more, from this I gather that he doesn't think my platelet numbers will stabilize but will continue to decrease, that in three months it will be important for me to be monitored. My road with ITP will not be short, likely not easy. I'm afraid, fearful of the next treatment options (they are $10,000/each), fearful of needing surgery. I'm concerned about what my future looks like, if Liam will ever know a healthy mom. Sure I can function right now, but will I always be able to? And to what capacity?
Adding to my worries and fears is the mess that has revealed it's self with my insurance. Dr. T is listed as in network on my insurance's website BUT when he's office goes to bill them the insurance will only pay him as out of network. After some investigation I've learned it's a mess with his tax id numbers (he can work out of either hospital in my town but works out of only one, while both hospitals are in network only the office at the other hospital is considered in network on my insurance). The short end of it is that I may very well have to switch doctors. No one would want to do this, you build a relationship with these doctors, when you find someone you trust and that is doing a great job...you don't want to just up and leave. It's not looking good, I've fought hard, I've done all I can do...I've spoke to Dr. T's office and my insurance twice yesterday alone. I've made pleas and calls to my Human Resource person (a lot of good that's done me, sarcasm intended). It's in God's hands but right now I'm so very worried.
Not only the stress the insurance mess but the overall stress of having this...disease...is getting to me. I'm starting to worry about missing out on things I love, like hiking. I was thinking the Saturday night about how excited I am to hike again, since I couldn't last summer....then I started to worry...what if my platelet numbers are really low again and I don't know it, and I fall and get hurt in the woods.....what if.... It wasn't pretty. Please don't tell me not to go there, it's where my brain goes, and to some extent I do have to think about these things, I have to be realistic about what my future looks like. I'm starting to see the weight of this on me, I need an outside person, a therapist to talk through all of this with. I need someone who doesn't know me personally and it's emotionally attached, I need someone who won't just say "it's all going to be ok, don't worry." Because I need more than hearing "don't worry"...I need someone to understand that I'm scared and help me walk through this.....I looked up the number for the free counseling my work offers. I need to verify how much I can get at no cost because I'm sure it's not a lot and I will need more than the allotted amount. Just one more thing I have to figure out how to navigate.
So, it may not be pretty but that is where I'm at right now. V's been pretty great and thank God. He's allowed me to get away to the gym more than usual, the other night he took care of Liam so I could get dinner with one of my incredible friends and tonight he's treating me to highlights. He's been fairly understanding, as understanding as a guy can get....ya know they usually want to fix stuff, this can't be fixed....I just need to be heard and cry an ugly cry and he's allowed me that too. V and I are far from perfect but he's pretty darn good to me, I need to be more thankful for what I've got because I have more than a lot of people.....
If you are my "in real life" friend let's keep the following between you and I for now, -k-
Much Love, Jen
Wow just writing that title is a bit draining. I keep hoping and praying this whole thing will come to a close and be done or that I'll get some definitive answers about what my future looks like but alas I have not and it looks like I won't be any time soon, as is the nature of my...disease. (I'm coming to the realization that I have to start calling it that, I have a disease...)
Monday morning finally rolled around, I got up a little extra early to have some quiet with my thoughts and coffee. I took my time showering, dressing and doing my hair/makeup. That always makes me feel a little better, heaven knows why, but it does. Then the morning went about it's usual routine: Liam happily rises requesting a clean diapie, a morning bottle, snuggles etc. Before I knew it I was dropping him off with Nanna and heading back into town. I treated myself to a Carmel latte with whip cream and headed to the hospital. I had around an hour before my appointment so I carried along a magazine, my ipod touch and my cell phone (dead battery and all, of all the days I could have used the distraction of a text my charger was at work, oy).
My blood draw was the least painful I've had yet, thank God for that! I also think it helps that my poor arm has had time to rest and heal. I was in and out of the lab in record time so I just headed over to the oncology office. Upon signing in, with the receptionist who still remembers me by name (how awesome is she?) I was informed that my shiny new insurance is
After, what seemed like forever, I finally got to see Dr. T. My numbers are again lower....looks like my ITP is likely chronic. I had suspected and feared this for some time and now here it was staring me in the face. I swallowed hard and glanced to the side, as I always do when I don't want to discuss something. I don't have to go back on the steroids yet but Dr T is predicting my ITP is here to stay. Also I've lost five more pounds, I'm twelve pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. Dr. T wasn't concerned but clearly thought enough to bring it up in conversation. *side note I'm not trying to loose weight, I need to start toning but cardio=therapy for me* He also told me that my hemoglobin (red blood cells) are looking much healthier (after four months of taking 300% of the daily requirement of iron each day, yuck) but I'm to stay on the iron for at least 8 more months. I can handle that. Up on to the exam table for the physical. Dr. T makes small talk, he's such a nice guy, it makes it so much easier to face these appointments. We discuss the mass of snow we got and how both of us got stuck, luckily he has teenagers that could dig him out! He tells me that even if my ITP is chronic that it's not unreasonable to want or try to have more children, this is reassuring to me. In passing I mention I've been having shooting pains in my right breast, I figured it was just my hormones and he'd pass it off as I had....nope....he's concerned. Eff. I'm handed a "gown" for lack of a better word and asked to undress from the waist up, full breast exam to come. Eff. I hate these more than anything on the planet but if he's concerned I guess it's necessary. He comes back in and checks my poor floppy breasts and arm pits for lumps and bumps. Nothing. (I also had found nothing in my own self exams). This is something more to keep an eye on. He wants to see me back in 3 months. Should I find any lumps/bumps have specific bruising or become concerned I'm to call and have blood work done.
I'm saddened that the time between my visits isn't extending more, from this I gather that he doesn't think my platelet numbers will stabilize but will continue to decrease, that in three months it will be important for me to be monitored. My road with ITP will not be short, likely not easy. I'm afraid, fearful of the next treatment options (they are $10,000/each), fearful of needing surgery. I'm concerned about what my future looks like, if Liam will ever know a healthy mom. Sure I can function right now, but will I always be able to? And to what capacity?
Adding to my worries and fears is the mess that has revealed it's self with my insurance. Dr. T is listed as in network on my insurance's website BUT when he's office goes to bill them the insurance will only pay him as out of network. After some investigation I've learned it's a mess with his tax id numbers (he can work out of either hospital in my town but works out of only one, while both hospitals are in network only the office at the other hospital is considered in network on my insurance). The short end of it is that I may very well have to switch doctors. No one would want to do this, you build a relationship with these doctors, when you find someone you trust and that is doing a great job...you don't want to just up and leave. It's not looking good, I've fought hard, I've done all I can do...I've spoke to Dr. T's office and my insurance twice yesterday alone. I've made pleas and calls to my Human Resource person (a lot of good that's done me, sarcasm intended). It's in God's hands but right now I'm so very worried.
Not only the stress the insurance mess but the overall stress of having this...disease...is getting to me. I'm starting to worry about missing out on things I love, like hiking. I was thinking the Saturday night about how excited I am to hike again, since I couldn't last summer....then I started to worry...what if my platelet numbers are really low again and I don't know it, and I fall and get hurt in the woods.....what if.... It wasn't pretty. Please don't tell me not to go there, it's where my brain goes, and to some extent I do have to think about these things, I have to be realistic about what my future looks like. I'm starting to see the weight of this on me, I need an outside person, a therapist to talk through all of this with. I need someone who doesn't know me personally and it's emotionally attached, I need someone who won't just say "it's all going to be ok, don't worry." Because I need more than hearing "don't worry"...I need someone to understand that I'm scared and help me walk through this.....I looked up the number for the free counseling my work offers. I need to verify how much I can get at no cost because I'm sure it's not a lot and I will need more than the allotted amount. Just one more thing I have to figure out how to navigate.
So, it may not be pretty but that is where I'm at right now. V's been pretty great and thank God. He's allowed me to get away to the gym more than usual, the other night he took care of Liam so I could get dinner with one of my incredible friends and tonight he's treating me to highlights. He's been fairly understanding, as understanding as a guy can get....ya know they usually want to fix stuff, this can't be fixed....I just need to be heard and cry an ugly cry and he's allowed me that too. V and I are far from perfect but he's pretty darn good to me, I need to be more thankful for what I've got because I have more than a lot of people.....
July 22, 2011
Preparing for a Grand Adventure
Well sort of anyway. We're taking our first trip to the family cabin as a family of three (four if you count the dogger). V is heading up early with his boat to do some fishing. I guess I could go up with him, I mean I'll be awake at 4am anyway but I decided against it. We have to take both the car and truck anyway (long story). So tomorrow Liam and I will zoom off in our over loaded car and travel the ~1.5 hours to the cabin solo. I won't lie to you, I'm kinda nervous. Liam doesn't always love the car, sometimes he down right hates it. I'm super nervous he'll get upset and I may not be able to pull over to comfort him for several miles. I'm going to attempt to do the trip during his morning nap but those aren't super consistent yet and just being in the car might through it off. Perhaps (hopefully) I'm just a nervous Nancy for nothing....
The drive aside it should be a good weekend. V and I love the cabin, it's a huge blessing to be able to travel up there and enjoy the silence of nature. I love being away from life's distractions, there is no cable TV, no Internet and we usually shut our phones off (you guessed it, no land line!). I'm hoping we can at least enjoy a family walk since hiking it's a option this summer. I imagine we'll have lots of down time to hang on the dock or just chill in the cabin and enjoy family time. I'm pretty excited, the cabin is a staple of V's childhood memories and now it will be for Liam too....pretty neat.
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| (Thanks Google Images!) |
The drive aside it should be a good weekend. V and I love the cabin, it's a huge blessing to be able to travel up there and enjoy the silence of nature. I love being away from life's distractions, there is no cable TV, no Internet and we usually shut our phones off (you guessed it, no land line!). I'm hoping we can at least enjoy a family walk since hiking it's a option this summer. I imagine we'll have lots of down time to hang on the dock or just chill in the cabin and enjoy family time. I'm pretty excited, the cabin is a staple of V's childhood memories and now it will be for Liam too....pretty neat.
May 20, 2011
Ode to V.
I've done one of these posts before but I have such a great hubby I just can't help but do another! I have a pretty amazing husband, I certainly won the husband lottery! He's not perfect but neither am I, however we both work hard at our relationship and what more could a girl ask for? He's been pretty darn incredible during my pregnancy and while it has taken him some time to figure a few things out or see my perspective he always makes an effort. And for that I give him major kudos, I mean the guy was 34 when we got married, he was pretty set in his ways! He makes a serious effort, and while I certainly don't win all the battles (nor should I) he always tries to see my side even if he never agrees! :)
As you may remember our house had to undergo some construction before little guy arrives. At first I was super excited, the house does need some love (we rent from V's family, looooong story). But then the months drug on and now I find myself in my 9th month of pregnancy living in a construction zone, it's not easy to say the least. I'm thankful that I married such a handy guy but I wish the others would step up and help instead of just relying on him knowing how handy he is. I may not have mentioned V loves working with his hands, he's done many jobs over the years I've known him but they are always making/building things, he just isn't a "sit at a desk" kind of guy and that is fine by me. So for the last ~3 years V has been installing hardwood floors, he enjoys it (for the most part) and it's a new skill for him. So last night V's dad and uncle arrived before V got off work to begin the roof work, V (who had already put in a good 10 hours at work) pulls up to the house, gets out of his truck, climbs the latter to our roof and goes straight to work. Wow! I thought to myself out loud "what a guy!" As I sat there watching the guys work I began rubbing my belly just feeling so blessed to have the love of this man who would work so hard for little guy and I.
It means so much to me that my son will grow up with strong male role models around him. While I realize no one is perfect they are, in my eyes, role models of what a good man is (especially compared to my father, a far cry from a role model for anything). I often survey my life and wonder how I got so lucky...I have a wonderful husband, in-laws and friends, not to mention good health and good health for my son. V and I may not have "it all" in the world's eyes but we are beyond wealthy in love and have an abundance to give this baby.
My cup does not over-flow, it's sunken in a ocean of love and blessings!
It means so much to me that my son will grow up with strong male role models around him. While I realize no one is perfect they are, in my eyes, role models of what a good man is (especially compared to my father, a far cry from a role model for anything). I often survey my life and wonder how I got so lucky...I have a wonderful husband, in-laws and friends, not to mention good health and good health for my son. V and I may not have "it all" in the world's eyes but we are beyond wealthy in love and have an abundance to give this baby.
My cup does not over-flow, it's sunken in a ocean of love and blessings!
May 6, 2011
Funny Moment
I forgot to add this detail in last night's post. It makes me laugh and fall in love with my husband all over again.
So as I was checking into L&D yesterday I saw a free mom magazine, I snapped one up figuring we'd be there for a while. I didn't realize I'd be essentially immobile (arms included in this) and unable to read it so V was skimming through, it didn't take him long to find something to read (which surprised me; he usually reads UFC magazines and Outdoors magazines, what could he have found interesting?).....an article about potty training! LOL! Here is my adorable husband, whom just a short while ago said "do you think little guy will come today? I'm not ready to be a dad TODAY!" and he's reading a potty training article, oh my love you are ready to be a dad!
I'm still chuckling over that one. Little guy and I are so lucky, now if little guy can just bake for at least 2.5 more weeks!
So as I was checking into L&D yesterday I saw a free mom magazine, I snapped one up figuring we'd be there for a while. I didn't realize I'd be essentially immobile (arms included in this) and unable to read it so V was skimming through, it didn't take him long to find something to read (which surprised me; he usually reads UFC magazines and Outdoors magazines, what could he have found interesting?).....an article about potty training! LOL! Here is my adorable husband, whom just a short while ago said "do you think little guy will come today? I'm not ready to be a dad TODAY!" and he's reading a potty training article, oh my love you are ready to be a dad!
I'm still chuckling over that one. Little guy and I are so lucky, now if little guy can just bake for at least 2.5 more weeks!
November 8, 2010
Embrassed by my groceries!
Today after work I was feeling pretty darn good so I decided to get some desperately needed groceries. After about 20 mins gathering items V could make for him self, and would actually eat with no convincing from me I was wiped out but not done. At some point I looked down to review what all I had selected and I was so embarrassed! For one thing there was two of everything, two boxes of cereal, two bags of tortilla chips (a staple of my hubby's diet), some pre-seasoned meats, items to make cold sandwiches (for V), two gallons of milk and a small variety of other items. Usually my cart is full of fresh fruits, veggies, whole grains and generally healthier items, but right now between what I can eat and what V will eat it's not so pretty. Not to mention looking at all the different foods makes me terribly sick and the effort it took was exhausting! Poor V, gone are the days of you getting out of grocery shopping!
October 19, 2010
Guilana & Bill (the show)
Spoliers!
This season V and I started watching Guilana and Bill on Style Network, it's about Guilana on E! news and her husband's journey through infertility and life. It's a cute little show, in the season premier they find out that their first attempt at IVF worked. Last night we were watching episode #2 where the look for a house and are all excited and what not. I had seen some interviews with them (and also the preview for the rest of the season) that reveals that they loose the baby at about 8 weeks. Last night at V and I are watching it he comments on how happy they are and I say "yeah it's too bad they loose the baby." he literally turns to me in shock and is like "what? that sucks." I know what you are thinking, "and your point is?" Allow me to explain, you have to interpret V, what he really meant was "oh my gosh, how very sad! wait that can happen?!?!" We went on to talk about how they continue trying to have a baby etc. The thing is I am glad V and I had this mini-talk, I think it opened his eyes in a real way as to why I still don't to share our info. I think it solidified our choice to wait a little longer, it was actually super sweet, V proceeded to come over and talk to the baby through my belly button. Makes me totally happy. 13 days until we can hear/see the heart beat!
This season V and I started watching Guilana and Bill on Style Network, it's about Guilana on E! news and her husband's journey through infertility and life. It's a cute little show, in the season premier they find out that their first attempt at IVF worked. Last night we were watching episode #2 where the look for a house and are all excited and what not. I had seen some interviews with them (and also the preview for the rest of the season) that reveals that they loose the baby at about 8 weeks. Last night at V and I are watching it he comments on how happy they are and I say "yeah it's too bad they loose the baby." he literally turns to me in shock and is like "what? that sucks." I know what you are thinking, "and your point is?" Allow me to explain, you have to interpret V, what he really meant was "oh my gosh, how very sad! wait that can happen?!?!" We went on to talk about how they continue trying to have a baby etc. The thing is I am glad V and I had this mini-talk, I think it opened his eyes in a real way as to why I still don't to share our info. I think it solidified our choice to wait a little longer, it was actually super sweet, V proceeded to come over and talk to the baby through my belly button. Makes me totally happy. 13 days until we can hear/see the heart beat!
October 2, 2010
Day 9 Blog Challenge A picuter I took
Apparently I am not so good at picking one of anything, so here are three pictures I took last summer. V and I went to Crater Lake National Park in Oregon (I'll wait while you google it, it's worth it).
Here is a friend that really wanted V's PB& Jelly (he would just grab the netting on the pack and shake it so cute). We never did feed him, oh and please note I did not use zoom, he was completely unafraid of me.
Hiking down to take the tour of the lake and spend the afternoon on the island in the middle of the lake (not pictured)
V doing what he loves most, fishing. Gosh it was beautiful there!
September 1, 2010
Making the most of my time!
This morning, for the first time in a really long time, my alarm didn't go off ( I forgot to set it last night) so when V's went off 1/2 hr later than I usually temp I took my temp and thought "does this really matter?" I thought about it on and off for most of the day, this cycle is shot... so what's the point of continuing to temp every morning? I came home after work and put my VIP Fertility Friend membership on hold and talked to V. We decided to just enjoy the next four weeks until my appointment in October. After that we'll have a game plan of what tests we need to do and that will tell us what treatments my dr will recommend and together we'll establish a plan. Then we can focus on our plan but right now those efforts are wasted and I can feel us both needing a break to just enjoy each other without the pressure of everything. I am so excited, I already feel even more relaxed. It feels like a breath of fresh air and weight off both V and I. No more waking up early, even on the weekends, to temp, no more scheduling intimate time, no more looking at my chart eleventy million times a day.
I'm also tossing around the idea of being more open about what V and I are facing with our friends/family. As of right now a very select few friends and family know about what we are going through (and my peeps on here). Perhaps after we know more, maybe after the testing when we have a plan. I know it will help others, but I also know that many won't be supportive and some will judge. Some will embrace our choice to get treatment others will probably go as far as to stop talking to us and start talking beyond our backs. Lots to pray about.
Right now I'm just excited to go back to my old workout routine, relaxing about our baby-making journey and enjoying this time with V.
I hope things are going good with you peeps!
I'm also tossing around the idea of being more open about what V and I are facing with our friends/family. As of right now a very select few friends and family know about what we are going through (and my peeps on here). Perhaps after we know more, maybe after the testing when we have a plan. I know it will help others, but I also know that many won't be supportive and some will judge. Some will embrace our choice to get treatment others will probably go as far as to stop talking to us and start talking beyond our backs. Lots to pray about.
Right now I'm just excited to go back to my old workout routine, relaxing about our baby-making journey and enjoying this time with V.
I hope things are going good with you peeps!
August 30, 2010
I love my husband!
May I gush for a moment?
As you can assume the trying-to-make-a-baby stuff V and I are going through is not always fun. Right now is one of those not-so-fun moments. Even though it's rough, or perhaps because of it V has been so darn great! He knows just how to read me, he knows just when I need to get out of the house, just when I need to laugh at something totally ridiculous, just when I need kisses and just when I need some me time. He's provided me all of these things today. He's gone out of his way to take care of some of the chores I dislike most, he made a total fool out of himself just to humor me and has been extra loving the last few days. Thank you Lord for this man who knows just what I need. It just makes me want to make him a father even more, he'll be such a wonderful father!
As you can assume the trying-to-make-a-baby stuff V and I are going through is not always fun. Right now is one of those not-so-fun moments. Even though it's rough, or perhaps because of it V has been so darn great! He knows just how to read me, he knows just when I need to get out of the house, just when I need to laugh at something totally ridiculous, just when I need kisses and just when I need some me time. He's provided me all of these things today. He's gone out of his way to take care of some of the chores I dislike most, he made a total fool out of himself just to humor me and has been extra loving the last few days. Thank you Lord for this man who knows just what I need. It just makes me want to make him a father even more, he'll be such a wonderful father!
August 2, 2010
A post (whine) about Charting
So I've been charting for about 30 some-odd days and for the most part I like it, I have said before it gives me something to do which in turn has helped me to feel less helpless on this journey. But the over last few days my chart just been annoying. In the passed four days or so Fertility Friend has given me back my cross hairs (remember those pin point ovulation on my chart) and taken them away for the second time, I wonder if they will be back tomorrow. Who knows. I'm all sorts of confused. I'm not terribly worried about it unless this cycle heads towards the 60 day range (with no + pregnancy test). We shall see, I've placed this whole thing once again in the hands of my loving savior, he alone has true contol of over this, I am merely whining. What's new right?
While I'm here, here's a picture from the hike V and I went on with a friend this weekend, it was lovely and rather easy, too bad it started to rain, er pour, on us as we left. Oh well, we are none worse for the wear. And we even took our dogger, she LOVED every minute of it! I'm pretty blessed to have V and the dogger.
While I'm here, here's a picture from the hike V and I went on with a friend this weekend, it was lovely and rather easy, too bad it started to rain, er pour, on us as we left. Oh well, we are none worse for the wear. And we even took our dogger, she LOVED every minute of it! I'm pretty blessed to have V and the dogger.
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