Calmness and Peace {Dr. Appt}

Last week I had my first annual exam with my ob/gyn since having Liam....you remember Dr. Wonderful, yes?  Dr. Wonderful is an amazing doctor.  I know far too many women to dislike, even hate their ob/gyn and it saddens me.  The person who brings your child into this world should be wonderful to you, I wish everyone had a doctor like mine.

I sorta looked forward to my check up.  Crazy huh?  Compared to my visits with Dr. T (Hematologist extraordinaire) an annual is a walk in the park!  Plus I'm nearly 15lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, I've managed to maintain this weight for around 6 months and I'm darn proud of myself for it.  Also I love Dr. Wonderful's staff, they are equally as wonderful!  I walked in and the receptionist immediately says to me "You cut your hair!"  I was shocked that she even remembered me let alone my hairstyle after a year.  Love.

After confirming all my info and signing in I sat with my kindle fire hoping to read a bit of my newest book (Wild by Cheryl Strayed) before being called back.  Two clearly pregnant women were called back and shortly after so was I by my favorite nurse.  Happiness.  Nurse D and I caught up while I was weighed and had my blood pressure taken, she told me to strip down to nothing but the cape she pulled out and Dr. Wonderful would be right in.  I picked up my kindle after stripping down hoping Dr. Wonderful would have to do a few ultrasounds and I'd get a few pages in.  No such luck one page in and knock-knock.

Perhaps I have a strange bond with Dr. Wonderful but I was glad to see him.  He's older than both V and I, at least old enough to be either of our parents, maybe mid-50s?  He's easy to chat with but gets right down to business.  Boob exam, ugh I hate them but they are a necessary evil.  I brought up my ITP diagnoses and Dr. Wonderful delicately said "Hmm do you have future pregnancies planned?" I twisted my mouth a little and said "no..."  He seemed ok with that answer.  I couldn't help myself "I can't help but notice you didn't argue with me on no more babies, it's for the best isn't it?"  Dr. Wonderful "Well.  It's a bigger decision for you to possibly expand your family.  But it's a tough decision to be taken from you.  You could have more children, we could treat you and manage your ITP but it means more steroids.  I have some articles for you, I'd like you to be educated before you make a final decision.  I like that you are on Mirena, it's a good birth control for you as it prevents periods since you risk heavy bleeding."  The rest of our conversation was about my half marathon and how proud of my Dr. Wonderful is.  He kept saying "You look great!  Your working out, your organized, you're WEIRD!"  I just laughed.

After my exam I dressed and met Dr. Wonderful to get the article he mention and a rx for an inhailer for my asthma.  He again congratulated me on doing so well, told me I looked great and said "Well, see ya next year!"

After I left I could have returned to work for an hour but decided to take that time for myself, well kinda, I wanted to get some stuff cut up for dinner and change into comfy non-work clothes.  I wondered around my silent home picking up things and thinking about my appointment.  I had this wonderful sense of calm and peace.  I was thinking to myself while cutting up ingredients for dinner "If I could have one thing, anything, what would it be?  More time.  More time with Liam and V, with my friends and loved ones.  If I do get pregnant and my ITP goes haywire I truly could die and I would not get more time with anyone.  I would make a choice that would screw up the one thing I want most; more time with those I am already blessed to have.  Yeah, no more babies is the right choice for us.  Hopefully one day it won't sting as much but it's the right thing."  There were no tears which is rare.  In my hearts of hearts I want another child...a sibling for Liam, but more important than that is cherishing what I already have.  I put all the prepped ingredients in a bowl and headed off to pick up my sweet Liam.  I hugged him extra close and thanked God for him with tears in my eyes.  I am beyond blessed just to have him and get to be here to be his mom.

In about a week I have my next appointment with Dr. T (Hematologist extraordinaire), I'm anticipating treatment since I believe my platelet numbers have held the same pattern they have since being diagnosed last September.  Right now I feel good about it, I feel like I know what to expect and I have a lot of pride about accomplishing my first half marathon. 

Much Love,
-Jen

Feeling Pretty {Me Time}

Since completing  my first half marathon earlier this month I'm finding it difficult to make time for myself.  I know I've said it a million times before but I don't like spending time away from Liam unless he's asleep, I'm a working mom and therefore I only get maybe 3 hours with him after work each day.  I'm blessed that V and I have similar work schedules and that Liam sleeps 12 hours at night, this allows many opportunities for me to take "me" time.

The problem lies with me actually taking the time and using it for myself.  I typically run around like a mad woman cleaning, organizing and doing things that could easily wait for another day.  I'm taking a bit of a break from running too, running is certainly me time but my body needs restoration.

Last night though I went out of my way for some Jen time.  After Liam went down I told V I was going to run errands and I intended to but my nails have been bugging me for....ever.  I'm not usually that girl that wants a manicure, sure I like them but I also enjoy doing my own nails.  Lately though my hands have been rough and my cuticles a hot mess, it was time.  I would typically want to go to a nice spa and enjoy a fancier manicure but it was 8pm on a Monday night, only the express place in the mall would still be open.  I jetted over there and after a short wait my nail were being primped and polished!  I got to sit in relative silence, enjoy some Olympics (Volley Ball) and come out feeling pretty, success....sweet success!  I no longer had time to run the errands I wanted to accomplish, all the placed I had hoped to hit up were closed and I couldn't have cared less!  I stopped at the grocery store near our home to get a few things, got gas and headed home.  I literally pranced through the door, I felt that good about myself (new moms are easy to please!) I declared no errands were accomplished, I got a manicure!  V just smiled; good!

Tonight Liam is down for the count, he's getting two more teeth (on the tops) and it's wiping him out.  V is playing video games and I think I'm going to ignore the chores I could do and look for a new book!  (V got me a kindle fire for My Birthday/Mother's Day and I love it!!! I've already read: Kisses from Katie, Girl Walks Into a Bar, Bossypants & Where You Left Me.)

I hope each of you are having a lovely Tuesday!
-Jen

The Day After {My First Half Marathon}

Today has been slightly surreal.  It's hard to believe that yesterday really did happen.  When my alarm went off at 6am I was completely confused and really wanted another hour of sleep!  Putting my feet to the floor was slightly painful and I was a bit stiff but I didn't have time to be stiff-life was calling!  I showered and got ready for work before Liam was awake (typical day), not gonna lie I was hobbling around!  I specifically chose to wear a dress to work and dressy sandals so I didn't have to deal with pants and heals.  After Liam was up we all ate breakfast and before we knew it the time had come to head out.

The work day was long and short all at once.  My boss and co-worker also did the half marathon (my boss did her first half marathon last year and my co-worker did her first full last year).  For every one minute of work we did we talked about the race for eight minutes, it was really funny!  My boss commented several times that we were all still on a runner's high! I could tell my body wasn't handling sitting at a desk all day well; it craved a walk, some stretching, salad and sunshine.  No dice.  Thankfully we all did go to lunch and enjoyed some Mexican food which also meant a short walk in the sun.

Finally quitting time rolled around, I thought for sure I could at least get Liam out for a quick walk right when I got us home.  No dice again, it starting to thunder before we even got around the block.  After feeding all of us, Liam needed a bath and suddenly it was 7pm and Liam was exhausted so we put him to bed.  Freedom!  V totally understood and set me free!  I went to Target and just wondered around.  I emerged to cooler temps (it had been upper 90's earlier in the day).  I returned home and walked around our neighborhood, it felt so good to just walk!  After a while I was missing my hubby so I went home and snuggled until bed time (well, I blogged just before heading to bed, wink-wink).

The funny thing is I sorta feel like I did last summer, right after having Liam.  My priority (second to taking care of my family) is listening to my body, I'm eating what I feel called to eat and, when possible, just doing what will help it heal.  I feel great now, I'm super happy and proud of this accomplishment....and just might be already planning my next (much shorter) run/race.  Hehe!!

Nighty-Night!
Jen

My First Half Marathon

Bucket List Item Accomplished!

I slept surprisingly well the night before, I had gone to bed around 8:30p and would say I was out by 9:15p.  I woke up a few times during the night but nothing that I couldn't go right back to sleep, I got up right before my alarm would have gone off at 4am sharp.  I had everything I needed in the living room as to let V rest.  I must admit I enjoyed the silence and my own wondering thoughts.  It was the first time I really started to think about crossing the finish line.  After I as all dressed I stood in the bathroom and just looked at my reflection for a moment; WOW, I really did it, I'm really here and I'm about to do this!  There was no fear just a general "wow" feeling.  I ate some scrambled eggs and a tiny cup of coffee and before I knew it I had to head out.

I drove under the cover of night through our city to downtown (just blocks from our home), parked my car and scurried over to the bus line.  Luckily I ran into a friend!  We both shared nervous chatter in line and on the bus ride.  Our city was still in slumber when we arrived at the stating area.  We still had a good 40 mins so we stretched, warmed up a little and took potty breaks.  They lit off fireworks every 15 minutes as a countdown to start time, the sun wasn't up yet and it was a fitting celebration.  My friend and I parted ways as we both had different race styles.

Then at 6am sharp BOOM!  With a cannon shot the race began!  I was near the front but slower so I made sure to move to the side so others could pass.  I jogged for a few miles then decided to conseve energy and start my walk/jog pattern (not timed just according to my body's direction).  We started in a less populated area, the river was so pretty!  Even at that early hour people had come out of their homes to cheer us on!  My mother-in-law surprised me throughout the race three times!  I knew she planned the first one, the second time had me super teary (I had to pull it together quickly as to not trigger my asthma), the third time she had V and Liam!  I felt so very loved!

The first 8 or so miles of the race didn't seem that difficult, other than the fact that the race organizers didn't have as many gels as I assumed from the race material.  Until 9 I was running on mostly Gatorade! Yikes!  Finally around mile 10 I was able to get a gel pack and an orange!  It was exactly what I needed to finish the race!  Also around this time my co-worker found me!  She had some difficultly getting her training runs in so I was happy to see that she had indeed decided to do the race!

Along the race I texted V, my bestie E and another friend where I was and when I expected to be done.  The last three miles were hard and I had to walk a lot.  In the back of my mind I really hoped to finish in less than 3 hours (I knew I could do this if I kept my average of a 12 min/mile).  I promised myself I'd be happy as long as I finished the race!  The people cheering us at the end were extra nice and supportive You are doing great! Keep going! You are ALMOST there!!  They called out!  Many of them throughout the race had sprinklers out in the street for us to run through, this was especially helpful now!  I couldn't have cared less if I ruined my ipod and phone as long as I got to cool off for a minute!

Around mile 12 the first full marathoner lapped me!  He would be the winner doing 26.2 miles in 2:32!  Dang!  I rounded the last corner determined to run/jog to the finish line!  Then out of the corner of my eye was my bestie!  She had a prime spot and would take the pics I've posted below!  She kept cheering me as I slowly inched toward the finish line (I really needed her support right then!!)


 I remember hearing a stranger say Smile they are taking pictures!  But I was spent, my exhausted look was all I could give....until....the finish line, in all it's glory there it was!!!  We all had these chips on our shoes to give us official times, they also provided the announcer our names so as we crossed they would call them out, not gonna lie it was one of the most awesome moments of my life!   A metal was placed around my neck by a stranger that I really wanted to hug!  But...I hadn't seem my mother-in-law, V or Liam....had I missed them? I wondered.  I had just seen them 4 miles ago.  Then to my left there they were!  I started to ball because, well, that is who I am...it's a knee jerk reaction.  Liam was completely confused.  I was still in the "runners only" area so I told them I'd see them shortly.  I should also mention this is where I started to go into my own little world.  It was like my body was on auto pilot and high at the same time!  Thankfully you are forced to go through a area where you can get beverages and food if you choose.  I choose water and some fruit.  My co-worker found me again and we kinda half spacey chatted (I have no idea what we talked about!)

Then I passed back into the real world and out of the "runners only" area.  V, Liam, mother-in-law and bestie were all waiting to congratulate me!  I also have no recollection of what we spoke about.  I remember some pictures being taken and holding Liam though my body didn't feel strong enough to.  We went down to the runners after gig and my body was quickly coming back to reality, time to get home! 

At home I quickly showered, I've never felt so gross in my lifetime!  While Liam napped I ran out and got the food my heart desired, came home and ate with V.  It's almost 8pm now and I still haven't napped.  I'm begining to feel the wear of the day and after this I plan on hitting the hay.  It's back to the real world tomorrow, it seems so unfair to have such a life changing day today and have to work tomorrow!

This will surely be just the first of many half marathons for me!  Currently I don't plan to do a full marathon but I guess you never know!

Much Love
-Jen

32ish Hours Until My FIRST Half Marathon

If I said I felt completely ready I'd be lying.  My little family unit of 3 spent the last week at the family cabin which means I've done almost no running.  The final week before a half or full marathon you aren't supposed to train hard but I would feel better if I'd gotten at least one or two runs in, but it just wasn't in the cards.

With that said, I'm as ready as I can be.  Tomorrow I'll pick up my registration info, maybe go on a sort hike for some last minute cross training (or maybe a walk), I'll have a big pasta dinner along with the powerade I've been chugging.  I have comfortable and work-out appropriate clothing and shoes...all the equipment I need.  I've worked hard for months, it's not about my time, it's just about finishing.

V is being supportive as he has been this whole time.  He, Liam, my in-laws, and bestie are planning to meet me at the end of my race.  It's funny because I imagine most people spend a lot of energy thinking about the moment they cross the finish line....I haven't.  I'm certain I'll cry because that is just who I am but other than that I haven't really thought much about, I sorta just look at this as another run (reality will surely set in when I see the thousands of people waiting to start the race too).  I am blessed to live in a beautiful city, I can't wait to do this run and as I've mentioned before I'm pretty excited to have it done too. :)

I'll surely post a few pics and the results after I have recovered!
Much Love,
Jen

Final Week of Marathon Training

I'm so thankful that my marathon (half marathon to be specific) is coming to a close, at least for this race.  I am still absolutely in love with running however I'm becoming exhausted.  Here is an overview of reasons I'm ready to be done training.

1.  Liam is going to bed later and later which means I'm running later and later.
2.  It's getting difficult to find enough time to run 8+ miles (this takes me around 2 hours).  
3. When I run late I can't fall asleep, typically I'm out at 9:30p...when I run after 8pm I don't get to bed/fall asleep until around 11p (and I have to be up at 6a to get ready for work).
4. It's getting HOT here, last night I ran at about 8pm and it was still in the eighties....too hot for this girl!  Last night I only did two miles and was dripping sweat!
5. I'm yearning to hike, hiking and training is killing me (although I love how tone my legs are).  It's just too much to mix.
6.  My body is just tired, luckily the rest of my runs before the actual marathon are 4 miles are less.
7. Lastly, I'm just ready to go out and run with no mileage requirement, no nothing other than the desire to run.

Ok one more, I'm just really ready to do the race, see my time and have the accomplishment.  But for now I'm pooped, it's going to be a super early bed time for me.

Much Love,
Jen

My {Running} Addiction

Finding the time to run is a challenge but it's always worth it once I'm out there doing it.  Last night was the perfect example of this.  V made dinner after he got home around 5:45p, we all ate and before we knew it Liam's bedtime had arrived.  I changed into my running clothes, got Liam ready for bed, V gave him the last bottle of the evening and I read to him.  Soon V was placing our little blessing in his bed and I was headed out the door.  I always stop to tell V exactly where I am going and how long it should take, it's just something I have to do.

7:30ish I was out the door and on the pavement.  One earphone playing my favorite songs and the rhythm of my pace carried me away.  There are a few things I must be worried about because they kept bouncing through my mind, each time I'd push them away and just enjoy the moment.  Not to mention I had to pay attention to traffic on my way to the trail.  It was a comfortable 65 degrees, I was working hard enough that I needed to take off my top layer shirt, the cooler air felt so good as I went along the winding river path.  There is what some call a "running community" here, and now that I consider myself a runner I understand why!  It is beautiful place to run, running here has given me a new understanding and love of this city. I wish I could eloquently describe how running clears my mind but my words are too simple, the peace and silence is such a blessing!  I almost always feel like I have a fresh perspective and the energy to take on the world after a run.

I logged four miles last night, had you told me six months ago that I would be doing this I would have laughed at you. Doing a marathon has always been on my bucket list but I guess I never really thought it was achievable considering I've had asthma for 20 years.  I don't even recall why exactly I took up running this spring but I did and the more I did it the more I thought I really could do the half marathon this summer!  Now it's a true joy and passion in my life.  I'm deeply concerned about running in the fall and winter, running on a treadmill just isn't the same...in fact it's mind numbing comparatively.  Before I knew it 50 minutes had passed, I was back at my front door dripping sweat, feeling so relaxed and ready for a snack and shower.  I always get the best rest the night after a good run!

Two of my co-workers run with their children, age 17 and 11, I genuinely hope that one day running is a hobby that Liam and I can enjoy together.  Perhaps that should be on my bucket list (although if running isn't his thing that is ok).

Much Love
-Jen

(*written 5/31, I didn't have time to post it)

Running Stuff I Love

Every once in a while I ramble about stuff I'm loving, it's just a nice way to do a fluffy post.  This afternoon one of my female co-workers and I went on a run over our lunch and I got to thinking about the running item I've invested in and thus invested in my health.

Without further ado; Running Stuff I Love (in no particular order)

1. New Balance Watch & Heart Rate Monitor!  The hubby got this for me last Christmas (upon my request) and I love it.  If you click the link it leads you to amazon where it's cheaper than we purchased at Target, still worth the investment.  You can track your heart rate, calories burned and it's helped me track my time. I thought the band would be uncomfortable but I don't even notice it.
2. Nathan Sprint Handheld Bottle Carrier! Or as I call it; a water bottle.  You can't carry much in this but it has adjustable Velcro so it doesn't feel like you are carrying anything.  Worth every penny!
3. Life is Good Hat! Mine is actually a different style and super old but I find a hat necessary.  This one sure is pretty and the brand is great quality.
4. Danskin Running Capris.  To be honest I bought these out of necessity.  If you run enough cotton will wear out in areas it rubs, take a moment to think about that.  I wouldn't normally chose these pants because they showcase everything (every-little-thing) but they are light and comfortable.  Also they are half the price of this link at wally world.
5. I Pod Shuffle.  Need I say more?  Mine is really old and sadly on it's last leg but I keep bringing 'er back to life.  We've logged so many miles together!
6. Sports Bra.  More specifically a padded one, the boobies will never be the same after my pregnancy/nursing.  It's half vanity.
7. Myfitnesspal.com  (no image above).  This helped me loose the extra baby weight, I'm now officially ~15  pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight, and I have been for months.  I'm super proud of myself for getting it off and keeping it off.  I'm pretty much in the best shape of my life.

What exercise items do you love?
Much Love,
Jen

On Running/Marathon Training

necklace here (etsy)

To be specific half marathon training.  So far so good!  I have worked my way up to 6 miles at a time, my all time best!  I am not fast by most people's standards, however considering I've had asthma for 20 years and had a baby 11 months ago I'll take it!  I average somewhere around 11-12 minute/mile, I can push myself to do a 10 minute/mile but it's a challenge and often have to walk after a few miles but I love it regardless.  It's fair to say I'm addicted to running, absolutely happily addicted.  It helps that I live in a beautiful city with a variety of places to run including a wonderful path that twists and turns along the river which is my very favorite to run.  I can literally step out of my office, do 3-4 miles along the river and be back in 40-50 minutes. I can leave our home and run through our downtown (about ~3.5 miles) and get home in the same amount of time.


My body is changing as a result of my new hobby too!  My legs a tone and my tummy is much less jiggly that last summer (thank God!).  I can feel my lungs getting stronger and see obvious growth in my endurance with each run.  Not to mention the clarity it brings me, during my runs I set my mind free to run where ever she pleases.....sometimes that is no where at all, there is a rare silence about my mind which is a breath of fresh air.  During my runs I feel much more like Jen and less like Bosslady's assistant/V's wife/Liam's mom...which is not to say that these titles aren't important but it's nice to just be Jen for a bit.

Last week I officially registered for my first [half] marathon, not cheap at $60 but well worth it to me!  I get a little sweaty and nervous when I think about doing 13.1 miles all at once but then I get crazy excited.....I'm on my way to checking it off my bucket list!

Much Love,
Jen

My Fitness Blog

Hey Peeps,
I posted anther tid-bit on my Health/Fitness Blog: Wildflower Fitness....hop on over there to check it out, please.
Much Love,
Jen

I'm still alive!

Whew, life has been so busy, but I love it!  I've felt at a loss for topics to write about lately, this blog is really my journal and a place for me to vent, explore emotions and release....but with all the running (more like jogging) I've been doing I've been able to explore emotions and release while getting my sweat on, so I've been a bit MIA here, sorry.

Things are good, it's very Spring in MT....which doesn't mean a ton yet, it's a little chilly and we've had some rain but Summer is a coming, things are starting to green up!  Liam and I are itching to start hiking (I scored a framed pack to wear Liam in and already used it once!).  I day dream of taking the day off work to take Liam to a local water park (more like park with water feature, same diff).

Liam is amazing, he now has two teeth (bottom center), scoots, loves his Johnny Jump Up and the dog more each day.  He can say Mom-mom and Dadda but mostly uses Da-da-da when not babbling in general.  He eats anything you put in front of him food wise, except carrots....he hates carrots.  He loves feeding himself! One of the meals I often make for him is pureed turkey breast with whole wheat spiral noodles with a little basic marinara and a veggie (butternut squash is his fav), he loves to feed himself the noodles.  He's also a pro with his sippy cup.  I think he's right on the verge of crawling and waving.  Where has time gone?!?!?

My heath is good, another month until my next scheduled appt with  Dr T and I'm feeling good.  Some days I worry and over think this whole crazy thing so I'm learning to just breath and use critical thinking skills to handle the hard moments.  The hardest times are when I start to think long term/big picture since my autoimmune disease is pretty unpredictable, while all of our futures are uncertain to some extent, mine is more so...this is no bueno for the planner in me....but I'll get there.  One day at a time.

V and I are fine, we've hit a bit of a rough patch as all marriages do.  Hmmm... since I'm writing from work I think that is all I'll say about that.

Work is great, all three of us are training for the marathon in July (including the new girl, who is amazing)...this has helped the over all attitude of our office.  There is a lot to be said about exercise increasing happiness.  Work is also busy which makes the days go buy, that coupled with the raises I've gotten in the last year make it all worth while.

The only other thing bouncing around my mind today is my 10 year reunion is coming up.  I didn't have the most enjoyable childhood, to say the least....I'm uncertain if I'll attend any of the events.  It doesn't help that the reunion it's self is the day before the marathon (minimum of two hours away).  I'll probably decide at the last minute if I'll attend.


So there you have it, all the goings on of my little world.  I hope each of you are well, including all the preggos out there!  Summer is going to be amazing and by the end there will be LOTS of new babies in our lives!