My Body 18 Months After Baby

This post is full of TMI so if the thought of that makes you qweezy turn back now, you've been warned.


First I'll start with the elephant in the room, or lack thereof.  I've lost 63 pounds since having Liam.  I gained 49 of those while pregnant.  I had a lot of swelling but it still took a lot of effort to loose the weight.  I've kept it off now for just shy of a year.  At first I just lost the weight, I was skinny fat.  I looked thin but had little muscle to speak of.  I counted calories {using MyFitnessPal.com}for over 9 months straight, almost every day.  Last Spring I took up running jogging, this improved the condition of my body immensely.  It also kept me sane while I dealt with my Autoimmune Disease.  Although I'm now what many people call skinny (I prefer healthy) I'm not as confient as you would think.

First I have stretch marks, the worst of which are on my breasts.  Most of them have faded greatly....except on my breasts.  I got those nasty purple ones that are deep as the grand canyon on my breasts.  I tried hard to breast feed Liam for the first three months of his life, during those three months 90% of my milk was in my right breast, it was literally a solid D and the left one was a small B.  I'd also like to take a moment to say not all women get stretch marks just on their breasts and bellies, I have some in the oddest of places.....I'll leave it at that.

Which brings me to my next topic; my breasts or lack thereof.  You know how some women joke about their breasts resembling tube socks with sand in the bottom after having a baby?  They weren't joking.  For a wide variety of reasons (including my weight gain and loss) my breasts are a very small B on a good day (you know those days when you had too much salt the day before?).  They also are empty feeling, I don't know a better way to say it than that, it's odd at best.

And lastly my stomach.  While it's flater than I would have imagined it would ever be I still have some loose skin around my belly button.  It's not horrible but it's weird sometimes.  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get it even sort of tight again.

These things leave me uncomfortable even sorta naked, even around my husband.  He doesn't seem to mind but I dunno, I guess I'm still just a little uncomfortable in this body.  It still feels a little foreign to me.  Please don't think I'd trade Liam for my old body because I would NOT.  I'm proud of this strange new body, first and foremost it gave me Liam that in itself is a miracle I would not trade for anything.  This body made it through the crazy experience which was (and unfortunately looks like will be [more on this later]) my Autoimmune Disease.  Last but not least this body did a Half Marathon in 2 hours and 42 minutes.  I really am in the best shape of my life, it's just superficial stuff that bothers me.

I guess my real point is I'm not as confident as you would expect me to be, even though I'm certainly in the best shape of my life.  I have a co-worker who is on her journey to loosing some weight, she constantly says things about wanting to look like me and sometimes I think to myself "you don't want these boobs or belly trust me."  I suppose the real lesson here is to not compare ourselves to others, no matter what they may look like etc. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

Much Love (and Honestly)
-Jen

Trip to Labor & Delivery #1

*"in real life" friends please keep the following confidential*

Wow, what a days it's been!  I woke up this morning not feeling well, my dr's words echoed in my head about calling him if I start getting head aches or just feel off.  I got ready and went to work and my head started to hurt more by this time I was feeling nauseated and cold but sweating.  Yep time to call, they had me come right in.  Oh boy, I called V "there is no pretty way to say this, I don't feel well so I called my dr and they want me to come in right away."  Thankfully V works only 3 blocks from me so I just picked him up on the way.  I could tell he was nervous but he did such a good job of being strong for me.  I love him so much but he usually takes cues from me, Jen freaks out=V freaks out but with all the crazy things we've been through during this pregnancy he really stepped up and has been my rock, I'm so thankful for that!

We arrive at Dr Wonderful's office about 10am, my blood pressure is up a little. Ut oh.  My weight isn't up but I'm apparently "hyper-reflexive" (which I only learned later can be a sign of swelling on the brain).  Since my head was still hurting he decided to send me to Labor and Delivery to have some tests run, namely: a Non-Stress Test, Blood tests and Urine Tests as well as continual Blood Pressure monitoring.

For more info on a Non-Stress test go HERE. I spent a good three hours hooked up every which way (it felt like).  I was to push a button every time little guy moved to see if his heart was accelerating the way it should which I did, meanwhile my blood pressure was being taken every 15 minutes.  We learned I was having mild contractions!  I had no idea!  (My nurse said this wasn't abnormal.)  We had a great nurse, Linda, who was pretty straight forward and funny!  Thank goodness for her!  After I'd say a half hour she came in and said "ok he is having accelerations but they aren't big enough for this town." Translation, he's not passing the test, gulp.  I was asked, er told, to chug some ice water.  During this time I had blood drawn and a little later I would have a second urine test.  I tried hard not to stare at the machine watching his heart rate change (and contractions occur, ek!)  At least it was a lovely spring day and we could see out side.  V and I talked and laughed, God I love that man he can truly make me laugh no matter what is going on!

After what felt like a lifetime (reality was it was about 3 hours) Linda came back in and said his heart rate changes were looking beautiful but my blood platelet numbers were lower than they'd like.  She had called Dr Wonderful and he would be over shortly.  (Thankfully his office is just across the parking lot).  Linda had also ordered me lunch, yay!  I won't lie I was so hungry by this time, I don't care if it is hospital food, I'll take it!  Soon Dr Wonderful arrived and said that not a whole lot made sense really.  My blood pressure is good, little guy's heart rate changes were good, but my platelet's are low and I'm hyper-reflexive with a continued headache and excessive swelling in my feet (my face is also rather swollen).  He gave me a laundry list of things to look for and asked me to head home and rest and to follow up with him next week (I already have an appt set for Tues).  I know I've said this a billion and one times but I really adore my Dr, I can tell he genuinely cares about my health and my baby's, this isn't just a job for him.  It's really refreshing especially considering he's been doing this about as long as I've been alive!

So there we are, my symptoms are mixed and honestly confusing.  But what matters is little guy is ok and still baking!  Only about 2.5 weeks and we'll be full term, until then I really hope he can just bake away!  If you have room for us in your thoughts and prayers that would mean so much to us.