I suffer from Mom Guilt...a lot, a lot more than I'd like to admit. It's a challenge being a working mom but it's one I put on myself. Yes I do have to work, especially now that we have a mortgage, but also I want to work. I want it all, a family and a career.
Maybe I'm not all that different from other moms but I feel like it...a lot. I rarely give up time with Liam. I'm really lucky to have a husband that let's me train basically whenever I want (early mornings before Liam is up or immediately after he's asleep) and a bestie that is the most understand human to ever have walked the face of the earth. I work but I rarely even take a lunch so I get a little extra time with Liam each day. I drop him off at daycare or Grandma's house (depending on the day) rush to work, work and rush to pick him up. I don't workout when he's awake, I don't hang out with friends.... I read to him, play with him, change him, whatever he needs. I try to be just in the moment with him as much as possible.
I swear I'm not obsessive. I just want to be his mom, I want the time I have with him to be all about him. I want him to know he has all my love for everyday we have. I know a lot of this is because I can't have more children, I value all the time I have with him so much knowing I will not experience these firsts again. Time moves so quickly, I just want to soak in these years.
Not to say it isn't hard sometimes, I get tired and frustrated. I want just a little time to myself. Who doesn't?
So once in a great while I take a little "me" time. Usually I'll let Liam sleepover at the Grandparent's house. They love having him, he loves being there. I love getting some extra rest or cleaning done. But even then I feel so guilty. Or on the days I do take a lunch (and go for a run), that extra hour eats at me...even if I run an errand without him on the weekend, it just kills me sometimes.
But why? I mean really why not take a little break once in a while? How do men do it and feel nothing, they (seemingly) have no guilt at all.
I push myself so hard, I run myself ragged...the most important thing I can do in this life is a be a good mom to him but I need to take care of myself too.
There is no right answer, is there?
Showing posts with label free time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label free time. Show all posts
May 21, 2013
November 9, 2012
Juggling
Some days I think I rock at this whole super-wife, rockstar-working-mom gig. Then there are weeks like this one. Oy vey! I'm sitting at work sipping a much needed latte and I could easily fall fast asleep right here, right now.
Some weeks I can rock out five or six healthy dinners, get lots of quality time in with Liam, have the whole house fairly well organized, all the bills paid early and even get a workout or two in. Not this week, it's Friday morning and I haven't gotten a single workout in, there is hope for tomorrow...kinda. The bills that are due this week are paid but I'm not ahead of the game like I want to be. Some of the house is clean and I made....one healthy dinner. In all fairness with Liam's fever that lasted Monday-Thursday morning I was just making him things I knew he would eat so he would eat something (homemade mac and cheese with peas). I haven't skimped on the quality time with Liam because it's always at the top of my priority list. I only straightened my hair today because we have a meeting with the builder right after work, otherwise I'd be rocking wet-hair-pulled-into-a-ponytail style.
I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm just barely keeping up and no where near getting ahead. I feel like I'm juggling but I keep dropping all the balls. I don't feel like a failure though because I'm still trying, you only fail if you give up. All I can do is make a list and start checking things off one-by-one.
I'm sure all moms feel this way at times, maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves, who knows. I don't think I'll ever be a "whatever" kind of mom, I'm always going to want to have it all; tons of quality time with Liam, clean house, healthy dinners, finances in check, happy family, career....I want it all and damn it I'm going to bust my ass until I have as much of this dream as I can.
Not entirely sure if there is a point in there, just a healthy dose of honesty about this week. I'm just glad the election is over, we all know the result know so maybe people will keep a few more opinions to themselves, one can hope!
Some weeks I can rock out five or six healthy dinners, get lots of quality time in with Liam, have the whole house fairly well organized, all the bills paid early and even get a workout or two in. Not this week, it's Friday morning and I haven't gotten a single workout in, there is hope for tomorrow...kinda. The bills that are due this week are paid but I'm not ahead of the game like I want to be. Some of the house is clean and I made....one healthy dinner. In all fairness with Liam's fever that lasted Monday-Thursday morning I was just making him things I knew he would eat so he would eat something (homemade mac and cheese with peas). I haven't skimped on the quality time with Liam because it's always at the top of my priority list. I only straightened my hair today because we have a meeting with the builder right after work, otherwise I'd be rocking wet-hair-pulled-into-a-ponytail style.
I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm just barely keeping up and no where near getting ahead. I feel like I'm juggling but I keep dropping all the balls. I don't feel like a failure though because I'm still trying, you only fail if you give up. All I can do is make a list and start checking things off one-by-one.
I'm sure all moms feel this way at times, maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves, who knows. I don't think I'll ever be a "whatever" kind of mom, I'm always going to want to have it all; tons of quality time with Liam, clean house, healthy dinners, finances in check, happy family, career....I want it all and damn it I'm going to bust my ass until I have as much of this dream as I can.
Not entirely sure if there is a point in there, just a healthy dose of honesty about this week. I'm just glad the election is over, we all know the result know so maybe people will keep a few more opinions to themselves, one can hope!
October 25, 2012
Goodbye Morning Nap, Hello Molars!
Holy Smokes, it's true when they say your child(ren) grow up so fast! It
feels like just yesterday Liam couldn't hold up his own head how he's a running
fool!
A few weeks ago Liam started to transition out of his morning nap and like all other things so far we've let him take the lead on being ready or not. He was clearly ready, so we had Nanna (who watches him 4 days/week) encourage it a little. Within just two weeks he was fully transitioned, we had one little set back when he wasn't feeling so great but now we are clear on the side of no return. And ya know what? I'm so happy! I know a lot of parents morn the loss of the morning nap because they fit in more "me" time or clean or whatnot and I certainly did use it as "me" time on Saturdays. BUT this whole single two hour nap in the middle of the day is delightful! We can leave the house for more than two hours at a time, why hello going to church! Liam is clearly happy with the change as well. It makes fitting a weekend workout in a little trickier for me but it's ok, I'd rather have the extra time with Liam anyway.
And in similar news the kid has a mouth full of teeth! Seriously! I had no idea this is how teething went! He started in March and it's been pretty much back to back teeth! Now he's getting molars! Molars! What?! He doesn't seem old enough for this business! The poor little guy, man they tell you molars are a b---h and they are! I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he'd been so incredibly grumpy lately then I stuck my finger in his mouth, because that is what moms do....and hello THREE molars trying to come in (one had at least broken through the skin and two others are super puffy). Duh Jen! Gosh I felt like a bad mom, all my kiddo wanted was teething tablets!!! And he was a saint after I gave them to him. This whole parenting thing sure has a learning curve!
A few weeks ago Liam started to transition out of his morning nap and like all other things so far we've let him take the lead on being ready or not. He was clearly ready, so we had Nanna (who watches him 4 days/week) encourage it a little. Within just two weeks he was fully transitioned, we had one little set back when he wasn't feeling so great but now we are clear on the side of no return. And ya know what? I'm so happy! I know a lot of parents morn the loss of the morning nap because they fit in more "me" time or clean or whatnot and I certainly did use it as "me" time on Saturdays. BUT this whole single two hour nap in the middle of the day is delightful! We can leave the house for more than two hours at a time, why hello going to church! Liam is clearly happy with the change as well. It makes fitting a weekend workout in a little trickier for me but it's ok, I'd rather have the extra time with Liam anyway.
And in similar news the kid has a mouth full of teeth! Seriously! I had no idea this is how teething went! He started in March and it's been pretty much back to back teeth! Now he's getting molars! Molars! What?! He doesn't seem old enough for this business! The poor little guy, man they tell you molars are a b---h and they are! I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he'd been so incredibly grumpy lately then I stuck my finger in his mouth, because that is what moms do....and hello THREE molars trying to come in (one had at least broken through the skin and two others are super puffy). Duh Jen! Gosh I felt like a bad mom, all my kiddo wanted was teething tablets!!! And he was a saint after I gave them to him. This whole parenting thing sure has a learning curve!
October 11, 2012
Something to Blog About
Gosh, I just haven't been making time to blog lately. Pretty often I'll have something run through my mind and I'll think that would make a great blog post! But with everything I've been juggling lately it rarely happens, clearly.
It's a lot to be a working mom, heck it's a lot to just be a mom! I've always had a lot on my plate, I've always liked being busy...heck I had three jobs while in college full time AND I'd volunteer somewhere regularly AND date V. All of that seems like cake compared to working full time, managing a household and smashing as much Liam time as I can get into a day, not to mention some "me" time. Oh yeah then add in looking for a house to buy. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
However I'm not complaining at all. I have so much to be thankful for. V and I have come a long way in the last few months, I would never have imagined having a child would be such a challenge to our relationship (especially when we tried hard for that child) but it was, most of the first year was really hard but we finally turned a corner and are doing great again. Thank God. We certainly aren't perfect but we are really good together, we love our family and are truly blessed.
On the house search front, we'll it's still a search that is for sure. You know all those things I mentioned a few paragraphs up about working full time etc? Well they also happen to make going to look for a house hard too but this weekend we've lined up four more contenders so fingers crossed! If I remember right two of them are foreclosures which V isn't thrilled about but you never know until you look!
In more upbeat news Liam is amazing! He's growing up so quickly! He's a professional walker now, he loves to be outside in the crunchy leaves! We just had family pictures done and I couldn't be more in love! We all wore super hero shirts per V'sdemands request. Liam was Spiderman, I- Wonder Woman naturally and V was Batman (again). Currently Liam is getting even more teeth (current tally is 9, yes 9 since March!) Right now his other molar is trying to pop through. On top of that he and I have been sharing a cold, the poor little guy. I think we've both about kicked the cold, the next few days should tell. He's trying really hard to master some new words but his main focus has been books lately. He will go get a book, wiggle his way into your lap and recline while you read to him (he also likes to turn the pages) then when the story is finishes he'll get up and get another book and repeat. 99% of the time it's adorable, then that 1% of the time when you have to read the same 4 page book 13 times in a row (seriously) not so much. BUT I'll take it, I'll take whatever I can get from my little guy, every moment is special and fleeting.
Ok well at least I wrote about something. Now if only I could get a workout in tonight....hmmmm.
Happy Thursday!
It's a lot to be a working mom, heck it's a lot to just be a mom! I've always had a lot on my plate, I've always liked being busy...heck I had three jobs while in college full time AND I'd volunteer somewhere regularly AND date V. All of that seems like cake compared to working full time, managing a household and smashing as much Liam time as I can get into a day, not to mention some "me" time. Oh yeah then add in looking for a house to buy. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
However I'm not complaining at all. I have so much to be thankful for. V and I have come a long way in the last few months, I would never have imagined having a child would be such a challenge to our relationship (especially when we tried hard for that child) but it was, most of the first year was really hard but we finally turned a corner and are doing great again. Thank God. We certainly aren't perfect but we are really good together, we love our family and are truly blessed.
On the house search front, we'll it's still a search that is for sure. You know all those things I mentioned a few paragraphs up about working full time etc? Well they also happen to make going to look for a house hard too but this weekend we've lined up four more contenders so fingers crossed! If I remember right two of them are foreclosures which V isn't thrilled about but you never know until you look!
In more upbeat news Liam is amazing! He's growing up so quickly! He's a professional walker now, he loves to be outside in the crunchy leaves! We just had family pictures done and I couldn't be more in love! We all wore super hero shirts per V's
Ok well at least I wrote about something. Now if only I could get a workout in tonight....hmmmm.
Happy Thursday!
August 8, 2012
Summer Reading
My sweet hubby bought me a Kindle Fire for our 4th Anniversary/My Birthday/Mother's Day. Can I just say I am obsessed with it! I really wanted one, and confessed that to V but didn't want to spend the money....in case you hadn't yet noticed I'm cheap. V on the other hand loves to spend money, it doesn't even have to be on himself! When I told him I really wanted a Kindle Fire he simply said "Ok, well buy one then!" (Needless to say I hand our finances.) Within a week of confessing that I wanted one I told V not to spend the money. (I'm making us sound poor, we are by no means poor, like I said I'm cheap!). The day before my birthday V was late getting home from work, when he finally did arrive he presented me with a shiney new Kindle Fire (and two year warranty), not only that V told me to "buy books and a case, enjoy it, you deserve it!" I've never looked back!
Since April I've already read four books and I have one just waiting for me! So I thought it would be fun to start posting my reviews of said books. I'm probably not the typical reader, I much prefer memoirs and true stories to fantasy and fiction. I have no desire to read the Grey series nor anything about Vampires. I have a subscription to Self Magazine on my Kindle Fire (once my physical subscriptions to Runner's World & Women's Health Magazine run out those will be on my kindle too!) While we're at it I'll just confess to checking facebook, using myfitnesspal and generally screwing off on it instead of reading. :)
With that said I'm open to suggestions! I'd love to know what others are reading and if your reviews! So be on the watch in the coming weeks for reviews of books I've read so far: Kisses from Katie, Girl Walks Into a Bar, Bossypants & Where You Left Me.
Happy Wednesday!
Much Love,
Jen
With that said I'm open to suggestions! I'd love to know what others are reading and if your reviews! So be on the watch in the coming weeks for reviews of books I've read so far: Kisses from Katie, Girl Walks Into a Bar, Bossypants & Where You Left Me.
Happy Wednesday!
Much Love,
Jen
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