December 30, 2010


Today I was going to write a overly sappy post about how this year has been hard but in the end it redeemed it's self blah blah blah. 
Then I learned early this morning my dear friend lost her baby.  Heartbreak.  It feels so unfair, I want to shout at the universe "you screwed up!".  She is such a wonderful woman and although I can't say I know her husband well, if he's lucky enough to be married to her I'm sure he's amazing too.  I've cried on and off most of the day.  I feel so helpless, there is nothing I can do to even remotely sooth her pain, her loss, her heartbreak.  I want so desperately to help her, each of my tears is another prayer to God to comfort her during this horribly sad time.
Having a child is the one thing in a woman's life that you just assume will work out naturally and be easy yet it turns out for so many it's a huge struggle.  It's a wonder humanity goes on at all.
So today I'm a bit down for her.  I'm considering postponing my baby-related posts for a while out of respect for the things she is going through, just a heads up.

December 29, 2010

113 Days Preggo a Survey

  • How far along; 16 weeks, 1 day!
  • Weighty Issues: up a total of eleven, still on track for a healthy amount of weight gained!
  • Stretch Marks: Not yet!
  • Sleep: is amazing! Except I wake up to pee no less than twice and at least one of those times I struggle to get back to sleep.....I suppose it's just training for later!
  • Best Moment this week: Hearing baby's heart beat on Monday!  The dr found baby's ticker easily and it was a strong 160 beats per minute, we also scheduled our anatomy scan for Jan 18th, the day after V's bday!
  • Food Commentary: I'm having a hard time with items I loved just weeks ago which is weird.  Still hate cheese. I'm still obsessed with cucumbers, I'll peal and eat a whole one in a single sitting, yum!
  • Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants full time, I can still pull off some of my pre-preg shirts which is nice but I must admit maternity shirts are so comfy!  I should probably get stock in Old Navy!!
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!!!! I don't plan on changing this one until at least 36+ weeks.
  • Belly Button In or Out: Still in...seems a bit wider though. I've also noticed my belly getting harder, especially on the sides, neat!
  • What I miss: Working out, I'm going to start pre-natal yoga after the new year! And zit cream, I have these super sexy zits on my chest, I've got to find something to use on those!
  • What I'm looking forward to: 20 days until our anatomy scan!! 
  • Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy the good days they make the hard days easier. 
  • Weekly WTF: WTF boobie zits!!!  Gross! 
  • Nesting: dad-in-law has done a ton of work on the spare room, I can start nesting after it's done!!!
  • Milestones: I can not believe I'm four months pregnant! I read in one of my books that the risk of miscarriage is below 3% now!!!  
For more on a 16 week baby click here.

Also I've decided to just do my weekly bump pics on the weekends, it's just easier and honestly I feel prettier when I have fresh makeup on.  So watch for those! For now:

December 27, 2010

Location: Cloud Nine

I took today off from work because I had some PTO (paid time off) that was "use or loose".  I must admit it was nice to have a four day weekend.  We spent yesterday cleaning in prep for dad-in-law to start work on the spare/baby room so the tree and Christmas decor came down and we gave most everything a once over, and by we I mean mostly V, he's so good to me!  V headed off to work early this am and hunger had me rising not long after.  I love my hubby but I so enjoyed the quiet of having the house to myself.  I ate a good breakfast and got ready before nibbling on a afternoon snack so I could head out and do a few errands.  Dad-in-law arrived just as I was leaving, yay!

I spent a lovely afternoon leisurely doing errands at the bank, then Old Navy (maternity pants for $15?! Heck yes!), and a few other places before meeting my love for a lunch of burritos, Yum!  Time passed quickly.  Before I knew it, it was time for me to head of for my routine 16 week appointment with Dr. Wonderful.  I was happy the wait was much shorter than usual, I sat there for maybe 10 minutes at most!  Yippie!  The staff there is so sweet, I'm always impressed that everyone knows me by name, guess I shouldn't been I see them so often but it's still nice.  It was your standard: blood pressure, pee in a cup (they check protein and insulin levels at every appointment), weigh in (still on a healthy track!) and Dr Wonderful came in to do the Doppler.  160 perfect beats per minute!  Whew!  I could listen to that sound all day long!  I had no questions so we went out and scheduled our anatomy scan!!!  Jan 18th!  I'll be 19 weeks exactly and it's the day after my hubby's birthday! Perfect!

It's been a wonderful day, now I sit at our window watching big fluffy snow flakes fall and I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.


Whew we finally made it!  All the hassle and bustle is over (and shopping thank the Lord).  After Church on Christmas Eve V and I finally got to spend some quality time with family and it was so needed.  Even though 90% of V's family lives here, somehow we don't find the time to see the extended family until the holidays.  This year was rare because one of V's aunts and her family were in from out of state.  It was nice to get to know them a bit better.  We had a lovely dinner at V's Grandparents (on V's dads side of the family), did gifts and just hung out.  The next morning V and I exchanged gifts, he's so good to me, he always buys me the things I would never buy for myself yet drool over.  Then we headed out to V's parents house to exchange gifts with them and hang out before heading to another Aunt & Uncles house (this time on mom-in-laws side) to see that side of the family.  Again a lovely meal and time where had.  Before we knew it though it was time to return home and rest the belly. 

V's family is amazing on many levels but one thing that struck me this year is the life length.  What I mean by that is that many of his grandparents and great aunts and uncles are still alive well into their eighties and beyond.  I find this impressive even though I'm not sure why.  It's a neat feeling to know with a fair certainty that V's grandparents will be around to not only see our child be born but to spend time with him/her, heck they will probably want to watch the little one and they are all so healthy and active and frankly "with-it" I'd happily let them.

It feels like with each passing day of my pregnancy I learn more about what real family is and what it really means.  Family is amazing and so special, it's still kinda hard to believe that soon V and I will have our own little family.  I can't wait!

I hope all of you had a lovely Christmas and found extra time for some family you don't get to see very often.

December 23, 2010

Body making room for baby (link)

I found this link a long time ago, it shows the way a woman's body changes during pregnancy.  I think it's crazy (in a good way) how early the organs start adjusting to make room for the baby.

Click here to check it out!

107 Days Preggo....a Survey

  • How far along; 15 weeks 2 days
  • Weighty Issues: up a total of eight, I'm sure it will be more after all the Christmas goodies I've eaten :) 
  • Stretch Marks: No official one.... yet
  • Sleep: I'm getting better at going to bed early, yay me! I wake up at least twice to pee each!
  • Best Moment this week: We bought bedding (it's fairly neutral) and may have decided on a boy name (we've had a girl name for almost a year).  Wahoo! 
  • Food Commentary: Cravings are less intense, in fact I think now they are more of I see someone eating something yummy and it sounds so good I want one :)  I still can't stand the thought of cheese but I can live with that.  And I haven't thrown up since the fluke about a week ago! Yay! 
  • Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants full time, I can still pull off some of my pre-preg shirts which is nice. 
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!!!! I don't plan on changing this one until at least 36+ weeks.
  • Belly Button In or Out: Still in...seems a bit wider though.
  • What I miss: Working out, I'm going to start pre-natal yoga after the new year! 
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our spare room will be fixed up the end of next week and we can prep for paint after we find out the baby's gender end of January. (right after V's birthday!)
  • Weekly Wisdom: Sleep more! (and Enjoy the small moments!)
  • Weekly WTF:  I don't have one this week.
  • Nesting: I'm so ready to nest!!!!
  • Milestones: This is the second week of my second trimester which is super impressive to me :)
For more on the development of a 15 week baby click here.

p.s. sorry I've been so random with the pics, I'll work on that!

December 19, 2010

Good Choices

Back when V and I started dating I made it very clear that in one year (when I finished putting myself through college) I had a one way ticket out of the town we lived in.  I wanted to live somewhere I could make good use of my education.  He understood and told me he'd go where-ever I went.  We dated for about two years before getting engaged and now we've been married almost three years.  Five years later we never did leave.

It's not like we didn't discuss it, in fact we still discuss moving.  You see I have no relationship with my parents, or really anyone in my family, but that is a story for another day.  So we only have V's family, which I've mentioned before is rather large in quantity and so loving.  Before we got married it occurred to me if he left this town for me it would be unavoidable that our someday children would be raised far from their only extended family.  I just wasn't comfortable with that so we made the choice, and have made the choice over and over again to stay here.  I likely won't have my dream career here, the cost of housing is re-donkulous and I still daydream of moving away BUT family is here....our family.

This has only become more and more special over the last year like when I really needed mom-in-laws support as we approached fertility testing and treatment.  Or when we feared our miracle pregnancy was going to be ectopic and unviable.  And now more than ever it's so special that we have them so close, just this morning bro-in-law drove into town in below freezing temps just to help us with getting a few heavy items out of the spare room in prep for the babe. (Bro-in-law lives with mom and dad-in-law about 25 miles out of town).  To him it was nothing special, he was helping family and his niece or nephew to be, he wouldn't have it any other way.

It's safe to say we've made a good and the right choice in staying here, our child will be raised among a large and loving family.  Just warms my heart!

December 16, 2010

Hello Second Trimester, I love you (survey)

  • How far along; 14 weeks 2 days
  • Weighty Issues: up one lb for a total of eight gained.
  • Stretch Marks: No official one yet.
  • Sleep: need....more....sleep!!!
  • Best Moment this week: After being scared sideways due to two days of spotting and increasing pain in my left ovary area I got to see my child on Tuesday. He/she looks like a real baby and I got to see him/her wiggling!!  (maybe it was nap time, he/she would kick a little or swat like the ultrasound wand was bugging him/her!  sssoooo cute!)
  • Food Commentary: Cravings are much less intense, aversions are holding strong.  I have been able to introduce more fruits and veggies back into my diet....slowly :)  Although I did throw up for the first time the other night, let's hope that was a fluke :)
  • Maternity Clothes: I can still wear non-maternity shirts but most of my pre-pregnancy pants don't fit.  Someday the maternity work slacks I ordered online will arrive and I'll be much more comfortable.  (yes you sense annoyance in my voice, I ordered them well over two weeks ago, grrrr!) 
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!!!! I don't plan on changing this one until at least 36+ weeks.
  • Belly Button In or Out: Still in, I noticed today I can peak inside it much more easily....weird.
  • What I miss: Working out.  My Dr says I can but with the spotting I've had over the last three weeks I'm hesitant.  I'm considering trying a local prenatal place, gulp. 
  • What I'm looking forward to: Everything, I'm ready to buy the crib and bedding and pick out names! 
  • Weekly Wisdom: Sleep more!
  • Weekly WTF: When in doubt call your Dr.  They are the only one qualified to tell you if your worrying over nothing, and if you are really scared ask for reassurance (such as having the heart beat checked or an ultrasound).  As my Dr said yesterday; "Call and come in, it takes us 33 seconds to check on the baby and make sure everything is fine." 
  • Nesting: I'm so ready to nest!
  • Milestones: Everyday feels like a victory and thus a milestone.  Oh and I read this morning I'm in the second trimester!  Wahoo! 

 For more developmental info on a 14 week baby click here.

December 12, 2010

Is it just me or what?

I love this time of year, really I do, but.....if I'm really honest I love Thanksgiving more, much more.  During the month of November people make a sincere effort to be more thankful and kind to one another. The family time is a special kind of wonderful. Then... Black Friday hits and it all becomes about shopping and spending and spending.  I fall victim every year, the thoughts of "I should really spend more on so-and-so because I bought other so-and-so XY and Z."  I hate and I really mean hate that we do this to this season.  Lately I have to actively remind myself of the REAL reason for the season, the root word of Christmas.  This "holiday" was never ever intended to be about stuff but about it should be Christ centered.  I'll do my best to stay off my soapbox, I'm just being honest about the struggle I'm having this year.  I feel so much pressure to spend so much money on so many people all the while in the back of my mind I have a running total of the $ we need to start spending on our child for things he or she will need.  It's really frustrating, throw in all the extra hormones I have ragging through my body daily and well I'm kinda... irritable.  I feel pulled in every direction when I'm just flat out exhausted.  So someone please tell me I'm not the only one?

December 10, 2010


This year V and I kept the Christmas decor to a minimum but I still feel like our little home is festive with our real Christmas Tree and Nativity Scene set up (my bestie got me this beautiful Nativity Scene last year!) This week I'm taking part in a "Festive" photo challenge over at Razmataz.  Check her out!

December 9, 2010

13 week survey & Picture

  • How far along; 13 weeks, 2 days
  • Weighty Issues: I haven't weighed myself since my dr appt and don't plan too :)
  • Stretch Marks: I think I have two on each of my boobies :(
  • Sleep: I really need to focus on getting more sleep each night!  8 hours is no longer enough!
  • Best Moment this week: V and I bought a ornament for the tree that says "Dad, Mom, Baby 2010" next year we'll get one that has the baby's actual name on it! 
  • Food Commentary: It's getting better!  I have less cravings and less aversions everyday (knock on wood!)
  • Maternity Clothes: Not everyday, I'm using a rubber band on my work pants until the maternity-work-slacks I ordered arrive.  My non-maternity shirts still fit fine.
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!!!! I don't plan on changing this one until at least 36+ weeks.
  • Belly Button In or Out: Still in, a little more tender these days.
  • What I miss: I can't think of anything really, I'd love to have more energy but I'm ok without it too.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our next ultrasound (likely not until the end of Jan)
  • Weekly Wisdom: Sleep more!
  • Weekly WTF: I got nothing. 
  • Nesting: Not nesting but starting to clear out the room that will be the babies room!
  • Milestones: My babe has finger prints!

December 3, 2010


I spent some time today trying to clean up my labels, in the process I posted a bunch my drafts that I had written along this journey, now most are invalid.  So I pulled them down, just wanted to explain in case you saw them are where like WTF?  :)  Just another Blondie moment!

December 2, 2010

Potentially Deep Thoughts

Lately I feel like the deep thoughts are few and far between.  Let's face the music, I'm usually thinking about food, sleep or my hurting tummy.  Once in a while a work thought or something about V and the baby float effortlessly by...but....mostly it's food and sleep.

The last few days I've had a few deepish thoughts have wondered on in, could this possibly be a sign I'm starting to feel better, please sweet Jesus!!  Anywho...

First is "I should be more thankful"  this actually doesn't stem from my Attitude Of Gratitude posts nor Thanksgiving itself.  Allow me to paint a picture for you, wait...never mind that...I'll just tell you!  I was driving home from somewhere and thinking to myself, gosh I'd really like to see the baby again, it's been a month I bet (s)he looks so different!  Then it occurred to me the only women who do see their babies super frequently are those with difficult pregnancies and/or a history of loss etc.  And those women NEED to have their babies carefully watched.  By all appearances my pregnancy is healthy and "normal" so I don't NEED to see my babe as often.  For that I should seriously be way more thankful.  I'm working on it, though the desire to see my babe never decreases.

The second came from a post on my facebook today, a semi-friend said "...I loved being preggo."  And I honestly thought to myself, "do I love being pregnant?"  Around 6 weeks when I was SO sick and had no medicine and had not yet figured out how to manage my all-day-long sickness I would have honestly said to myself "NO".  Now that I can manage my sickness better, how do I feel?  Well, worried mostly.  Pregnancy is crazy, and so many things can go wrong, or be just down right scary.  And worst of all you have almost no control over it.  You desperately love this little being from the moment you know it exists but you are virtually helpless to keep it alive.  This worry has taught me more about fully relying on God who ultimately knows the outcome of every pregnancy and life in general.  But it's kinda terrifying to be totally honest.  I hate the worry and lack of control.  Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is amazing and I love knowing I'm growing this little miracle but at the same time pregnancy is such a challenge on so many levels.  Perhaps I will love being pregnant more when I know baby's gender and can name him/her with V and feel him/her kicking.  Right now I long to have my baby in my arms.

Perhaps this is more of me just talking out loud to myself than real deep thoughts but I had to get them out of my head to make more room for thinking about sleep :)

December 1, 2010


Have I mentioned lately it's winter here?  I'm talking real winter, with standing snow on the ground, maybe 5 inches and below freezing temps.  I know some places don't get all the seasons and for those people I am deeply sad.  I totally complain about winter but I wouldn't have it any other way.   Even with all the bad drivers and the people who are terrified to drive in the snow and thus drive 10 miles an hour, even then I still love each season, even winter.   I grew up in a town about an hour away with a higher elevation and we got WAY more snow so I can totally drive in it, so if you go 10mph I'll just pass you!

I love all the seasons and how they bring something new and fresh to the world.  I know it's cheesy but true.  This winter feels particularly special and exciting, I'm more excited about the Holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years) than I have been in a long time, and I'm usually pretty excited.  Although I've had no time to decorate just yet, hopefully this weekend I'll have a two hour burst of energy to get some things up and have our little house feeling more festive!  V and I have gotten real trees every year since we were dating, at the very least that would be the last 5 years and even during my childhood I've never had a fake tree.....this year V wants to move to fake and I'm just not ready.  I LOVE the smell of a real tree and can't imagine not having one (until babe is a toddler and a fake tree is more stable). 

Here is a picture, I stole from google, it's of the University in my town, all covered in snow.

November 30, 2010

12 weeks, hard to believe......

How far along; 12 weeks, is it odd that I'm still surprised I'm pregnant?!

  •  Weighty Issues:  Well... had a dr appt yesterday, got weighed...I've gained 7 lbs, yikes, over the recommended 3-5 for the first trimester....but in all honestly all I could stomach for weeks was bread sticks, bagels and such.  My nurse and dr didn't seem to notice let alone be concerned, so I'm just going to continue eating as healthy as I can and accepting the lbs as they come. 
  • Stretch Marks: None yet, I really need to start using my belly cream!!
  • Sleep: I can't get enough sleep, however I've been waking up at 4am wide awake. Super fun......NOT
  • Best Moment this week: Oh boy, well after a spotting scare over the weekend I have to say hearing the heart beat yesterday, I was scared sh!t-le$$.  Praise God babe is still growing away! 
  • Movement: negatory thus far, hopefully in a few more weeks! 
  • Food Commentary:It's still up and down, I was able to eat on Thanksgiving but have had several days lately where I need two magic pills (I'm allowed up to 3/day).  My dr says two more weeks and I'll be a "new woman"  Here's hoping! 
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!!!! I don't plan on changing this one until at least 36+ weeks.
  • Belly Button In or Out: So far still in, V is STILL obsessed with it, he rubs it, looks at it, talks to the babe through it.  Odd, very odd honey.
  • What I miss: Energy and being able to go to the grocery store and/or cook dinner without gagging.  But I don't miss anything enough to trade it for my babe. 
  • What I'm looking forward to: Everything....and feeling better soon (hopefully)
  • Weekly Wisdom: If the dr on call is mean or rude to you call them out on it.  (yes this happened to me, I was spotting on Friday and scared (but calm, cool and collected until she was super unkind to me).  I didn't call her out and I should have.  I did tell my dr about it today though
  • Weekly WTF: WTF rude dr, if you don't want to deal with scared pregnant ladies you should have decided to work in the morgue!  Jerk. 
  • Nesting: Um I'd love to start nesting, if only I had the energy.  Right now I have two hour bursts and then I'm useless. I'm dying to order a crib!
  • Milestones: My dr was able to easily find the heart beat yesterday on the hand held doppler.  He said "yep, nice and normal."  Whew, felt like a giant leap!  


November 26, 2010

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 4

I am beyond thankful for friends and family.  My entire life my friends have been my family, friends were there for me in my darkest days and happiest days, they have waked through my fears with me and the hardest of times have shown me the ones that really matter.  I have so many friends that are my real family and they that make my life fuller, richer and over all just completely better.  I'm serious when I say I'd be lost without most of them, a couple of you on here are included in that! 

Reflecting of the days of my Attitude of Gratitude posts it's been really healthy for me, put my perspective back in place on my grumpy days.  I really need to be more grateful everyday! 

I love ya peeps, I hope your thanksgiving was amazing!

Thanksgiving 2010

As with all holidays we spent Thanksgiving with V's family, we went to mom and dad-in-laws house and mom-in-laws siblings, their children and grandchildren came over.  All-in-all there were about 30 of us.  Most of us were assigned a side dish to bring so mom-in-law didn't have to do it all and dinner turned out amazing!

We hadn't seen most of the extended family yet since announcing our pregnancy so it was really great to see them.  Each person came up to us to congratulate us and show how very excited for us.  My heart fills with warmth just thinking about it.  One of V's cousin's wives even complimented me "your 3 months and not even showing! I wanted to see a belly!!!"  Makes me smile since I pretty much always feel "bloated" these days. 

It was so great to see everyone!  V's family is so wonderful and loving, it's amazing to be part of them, I can't wait for my babe to be here with us!

This morning I slept in until 9am then V and I went shopping.  I got another pair of maternity jeans at Old Navy for $15 and a shirt for $10.  We also picked up a gift for V's parents.  Then V decided he wanted to look at TV's for his man cave in the basement, thankfully we didn't see anything that was that great of a deal so we got to come home after only spending $50!  Wahoo! 

November 25, 2010

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 3

This one is simple, I'm thankful for each day the little life in my belly (uterus) keeps growing.  Here is my 11 week "belly" pic from today, sorry I'm not properly turned, V thought he was a comedian while taking it.  (making fun of me for wearing maternity jeans, jokes on you my love the stretch came in mighty handy after enjoying a big thanksgiving meal!)

November 24, 2010

11 Week Survey (a bit late) & Attitude of Gratitude

I think it goes without saying that today's Attitude of Gratitude is baby related.  I ask myself daily "am I really pregnant?!"  It's a crazy miracle, as ALL babies are! 

How far along; 11 weeks!

  • Weighty Issues: Still haven't weighed myself, Monday the dr will tell me to lay off the bread sticks :)  
  • Stretch Marks: same as last week, none yet but I fear for my boobies.....
  • Sleep: Amazing, I love sleep!  Most nights I'm happily in bed at 9:15pm oh and naps are my friend!
  • Best Moment this week: V and I went to church for the first time since "coming out" and it was so sweet to see so many people I only know a little be so excited about my babe.  He/She is already SO loved by so many.
  • Movement: none yet, I'm really looking forward to the first "was that a kick?!?" moment
  • Food Commentary: it's up and down lately, either days are really bad or really good.  Hopefully we'll turn that magic 2nd tri corner and never look back.  I'm praying I can eat Thanksgiving dinner....we'll see.  P.S. Still taking magic pills almost daily.
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!!!!  I don't plan on changing this one until at least 36+ weeks.
  • Belly Button In or Out: So far still in, V is obsessed with it, he even uses it as a portal to talk to the baby! 
  • What I miss: Not much anymore, although it would be nice to just eat whatever for any given meal in stead of saying to myself "what could I eat that won't kill my stomach right now?"  Even on a good day I have to choose my food carefully.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Monday is our next appointment, hopefully we'll hear the heart beat on the Doppler!
  • Weekly Wisdom: Running errands with someone is smart, V pointed out that I was far too hungry the other day (he was right!) then that I was far too tired to continue (and promptly took me home and forced me to nap, he was right it was for my own good).  Perhaps my weekly wisdom would be "stop being so stubborn!"
  • Weekly WTF: WTF random people already looking directly at my belly during conversation!  Yikes I'm bloated by not showing.....yet
  • Nesting: I dont' know if it's "nesting" but I'm all about clearing up some stuff, moving some things around and donating some things so we can have the baby's room cleaned out.
  • Milestones: I've pretty much stopped wishing my pregnancy away now that I'm over ten weeks.  Now I'm looking forward to each little step and the end result in June! <3 

November 23, 2010

Attitude of Gratitude: Day Two

I'm about to get all sorts of sappy on you here, just saying.

What am I thankful for? My husband, putting all the baby stuff aside he's amazing.  I had a rough childhood which, no matter how well you come out of it, leaves you with baggage and issues.  V has dealt with all my junk with the most grace anyone could.  He is patient, and oh so kind, and while not the most romantic he is so thoughtful.  In college he was my personal cheerleader and supporter. Ok, now I gotta bring up some pregnancy related sappiness:  I'm exhausted 24-7 and V has, without being asked, stepped up to 100% of the chores around the house plus anything else that could make my life easier.  He has gone above and beyond all the time!  I didn't know I could love someone so much, every time I think I can't love him more I fall so much deeper in love with him.  And when he talks to the babe, through my belly button, it just melts my heart!  I can't imagine my life without him and there is no one I'd rather have babies with! <3

November 22, 2010

Attitude of Gratitude: Day One

I heard something on the radio today and it really struck me, the DJ said "Why is it that we choose to be most thankful during the month of November? And not all year around?  After all we have things to be thankful for all 365 days of the year." I'm sure I've heard it before but it hit me today.  I could really be more thankful in life.  So I'm going to try and post a Attitude of Gratitude post everyday this week.  Today being day one.

Today I am thankful for food.  I know that sounds silly but so many don't have enough to eat everyday.  Today I left work, drove across town in my new(ish) safe and reliable car to the grocery store, picked out healthy items that sounded good and returned home.  It never once crossed my mind "can we afford this? should we wait?  when will we eat again?"  This is not the case for so many not only around the world but in all of our communities.  So I choose and Attitude of Gratitude and a commitment to donate assist those in need.

So, tell me, what are what is your Attitude of Gratitude about today?

November 21, 2010

Our Story, from the begining

I know most of you have been following me from the beginning and know our story.  This post is to serve as a more detailed part of my profile.  I'm hoping to make a link in my profile so that others can read this later and I can reduce the amount of info there.  So sorry if this is a repeat. 

After about two and half years of marriage my husband "V" and I were enjoying a prolonged newlywed phase when my world was rocked.  For the first time in my life I lost someone close to me in a very unexpected and tragic way.  At just 21 years old friend Jamie's life was very suddenly ended.  My mindset had been V and I would buy a house then have babies in the semi-near/distant future, after Jamie died that all changed.  You see V is a bit 9 years older, than me so our baby making plans have always been in my hands.  After Jamie's funeral I felt a urgent desire to have children and live the life I wanted but had on hold.  God really spoke to me, showing me that ultimately I am not in control of the number of my days but the amount of life I live in the days he gives.

One problem though, at age 17 I was told I likely would have trouble having children because I had PCOS.  V and I took some time to rely on our faith, and pray about this new desire, to make sure I/we weren't acting out of fear but out of a real desire for chidren of our own.  Three months later, also known as December 2009, we officially went off birth control and started trying.  I always wondered if my PCOS diagnosis was true or not, after all I was only 17 years old when I received it.  The months passed and my cycles grew longer and longer ranging from 35 to 112 days, far beyond the "normal" scope.  I tried charting but it never showed ovulation for me, and I ultimately gave up after about 80 days (part of one cycle).  My dr at the time wasn't being proactive and I had to almost pressure her to do anything let alone run tests (she only did prolactin and thyroid both came back "normal").  After 9 months of this with her I left her for a new wonderful dr and also left my super stressful job.

I set an appointment with a new dr who would do infertility testing and treatment if he felt they were necessary.  I had to wait about two months before I could get into this new dr due to his vacation and waiting for my new (better) insurance to take over.  During this time I enjoyed my new job, stopped charting, stopped scheduling sex and started eating a lot of raw veggies for snacks and started doing yoga once a week.  I let go of all the trying in hopes that we would soon be doing testing and likely treament anyway.  Basically I let go of it all; all my anxiety, all my trying to plan it and make it work and just left it in God's hands and waited.  Those weeks dragged and sped by all at once, I know in reality it was a very short time but in my mind each day dragged, I never imagined it would really take so much for us to be parents.  God saw that we needed this break badly and ultiamtely it was a wonderful and so restful.  During this time my body continued to nothing, or so I thought.  The day of my appointment I was on cycle day 102, only my 3rd cycle in 11 months.

On the morning of my infertility appointment I took a pregnancy test per V's request....and it was positive, despite that I still hadn't had a period in well over 100 days.  We were both floored and over the moon!!  We cried and thanked God!!  Since we had no idea how far along I could be (I hadn't taken a test in over a month) I decided to go to the appointment anyway and see if the new dr would do an ultrasound to detemine the baby's gestational age and he did.  Unfortunately he couldn't find the baby, what he did find was a large mass, the size of a large orange, of "fluid" near my right ovary.  He feared my pregnancy was ectopic and thus potentially life threatening.  Over the course of the next few weeks I had two blood tests, to check for properly rising betas, and two more ultrasounds to see if the baby was growing in the right area and at the right speed.  It was a terrifying few weeks that felt like months at the time.  Praise God that each time our tests came back normal and the mystery fluid disappeared.  On November 1 V and I got to see our little gummy bear looking baby measuring a great 8 weeks with a heartbeat of 174 and my dr, who had been AMAZING said the most wonderful words "we're going to treat you like a regular pregnant lady moving forward".

Today is November 20th and as Thanksgiving is fast approaching I find myself overly thankful for this crazy miracle living and growing everyday.  I still can't believe I'm pregnant other than my serious morning sickness.  I was thinking this morning who I'd love to have a skylight of sorts in my belly so I could check on my babe everyday, then it occurred to me....God has been teaching me so much this whole time but now more than ever he is teaching me to rely on him, trust that he's given us this miracle and that he alone is watching over him/her daily and he/she is in good hands.

I still count the days until my next appointment, and I know exactly how many days pregnant I am because each of them feels like a victory that we've fought long and hard for.  Most of all everyday I thank God for this miracle and pray that his blessing falls on my friends still waiting for their blessing to start growing.  I love these friends dearly and can't wait to hear their good news because it will come!

*Liam's Birth Story* 

November 20, 2010

Would you like to see my Belly? And face?

Hi Peeps & Happy Weekend to you!
I've been meaning to take more belly pictures, because I swear in reality I'm super bloated and starting to show.  Or could that just be the bread sticks I crave day and night, hmm?  Anywho here is my first official belly picture at 10 weeks.  I'm not entirely sure I'll always want my face on here so at some point I may take this photo/post down.  I reserve that right just so you know :)  Oh and p.s. this is my first maternity shirt, from Old Navy sssooo comfy!
Thanksgiving is fast approaching, I hope your plans are coming together nicely and that you have more to be thankful for than your heart can hold! 

November 15, 2010

The Kindest Words

This morning I decided to out V and I on facebook.  I've been thinking about it a lot over the last few days, like what I would say, and how I could incorporate our struggle to get pregnant with our joy and praise to God for our baby. 

Status update: Jen and V are excited to announce, after a long year of trying, they are expecting their first child in June 2011! Praise God for our miracle baby, we can not wait to meet you! ♥

I was, and still am, overwhelmed by the kind words of friends near and far.  My heart swelled as I received notes in my inbox about others who struggled too.  I've felt for a long time God gave us this journey for a reason, that reason was to reach out and make this a less secretive, shameful, lonely journey for others.  While we didn't end up going through fertility treatments, this time, I feel like I can relate more to my friends with fertility issues and struggles than those without.  I plan to do everything I can to keep this door open and the conversation going.

For good measure my 10 week survey:
  • How far along; 10 weeks (day early)
  • Weighty Issues: Still haven't weighed myself, two more weeks and the dr will let me know.
  • Stretch Marks: none yet, I predict that I get them on my boobies first....bye bye body of my youth! LOL!
  • Sleep: good, I love sleep!  On the weekends I get at least 10-11hrs!
  • Best Moment this week: sharing our news on facebook and having so many share kind words <3
  • Movement: none yet, while the babe might be moving about like crazy I won't feel him or her for a while.
  • Food Commentary: it's getting a little better, I've had a few days when I needed to "morning" sickness pills to make it through the day and a few days where I needed zero pills!
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!
  • Belly Button In or Out: So far still in, I get bloated at night and have a pouch under my belly's getting bigger!  I predict I will being "showing" in the next week or two!
  • What I miss:Not much, I'm adjusting to the changes my body needs pretty well (at least today!)
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our next dr appointment!
  • Weekly Wisdom: Ordering maternity clothes online is tricky, make sure you can return them easily!
  • Weekly WTF: None this week.
  • Nesting: Yeah I'm definitely more interested in getting the spare room cleaned up and getting somethings stored away but nothing too crazy.
  • Milestones: When we were first scared about the possibility of a ectopic pregnancy and me bleeding internally 10 weeks seemed a million miles away, today I am SO excited to be 10 weeks, only two more weeks until 2nd trimester!!! 

November 13, 2010

Under Constuction!

Is it crazy that I'm so excited about this?  I guess I need to explain a little first.  V and I rent his Grandfather's house.  Grandpa died about 3 years willing all his earthy possessions into the family.  Unfortunately these items were mostly neglected for the last several years as Grandpa struggled to battle cancer and wouldn't except help maintaining his house, cabin, land and boat.  After he passed V's family found out that 16 of the descendants had equal ownership in all these items.  The house was in such disrepair that no one would live in it, so V stepped up and moved in and started pouring blood, sweat and tears into this house.  Thankfully after we were married and I moved in the family allowed us to keep our below market rent because the house still needs some love.  V's uncle acts as our landlord and takes care of anything we need around the house that we don't feel we should do, he also pays us back for anything we choose to do around the house so we've gotten to put our touch on it.  It's been a fairly nice arrangement.  When uncle J came over today to congratulate us he took a moment to walk around the house and review a few things I would love to see done before the babe comes.  He was more than happy to do them and move up the timeline for a few other items to be completed before the babe is here!!! Yay!!  I'm not sure exactly when everything will start but our little home is going to be under construction soon!!! YAY!!!

November 9, 2010

Week 9 Pregnancy Survey

  • How far along; 9 weeks, 31 to go!! 
  • Weighty Issues: Sorry peeps, I do not (haven't for a while) believe in weighing myself at home.  Skinny does not equal healthy.  I won't know if I've gained or lost until my next appointment in 3.5 weeks. :)
  • Stretch Marks: um way to early for that!
  • Sleep: pretty good for the most part, I get tired easy so on the weekends I try to nap, on the weeknights I try to get to bed earlier. I'm also used to getting up now so I can fall back asleep fairly easy! 
  • Best Moment this week: I told mom-in-law she could tell our pastor (I was too tired to wait to talk to him on Sunday) he sent me the nicest 3 text messages yesterday.  It's neat to see how much our baby is already loved by so many.
  • Movement: none yet, while the babe might be moving about like crazy I won't feel him or her for a while.  
  • Food Commentary: Well the food aversions are decreasing, I'm still taking Zofran daily but it's much easier to eat daily, my tummy is just picky about what it's willing to accept. (cravings: bread sticks and dip,  remaining aversions: cheese GROSS!)
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!
  • Belly Button In or Out: So far still in, I get bloated at night and have a pouch under my belly button but it's not horrible.
  • What I miss: Decongestant, I've been stuffy for a few days, really hoping that I don't get a full on cold! 
  • What I'm looking forward to: we are going to tell some dear friends tomorrow night, they have been praying for us for a long time.
  • Weekly Wisdom: Gosh, do I have any?  Nap when possible, do not fight going to bed early.  In general just listen to your body, it's doing all the work, if it wants to go to bed at 8:30pm do it!
  • Weekly WTF:  WTF Boobies!  You are growing like mad and sorta stiff and the mini-pimples on my upper chest, so not cute!
  • Nesting: nope, I did browse cribs last night.  I'm hoping to get a good deal at Black Friday but decided I should figure out what I like and what they cost (V. says he doesn't care about the style of the crib, we'll see if that is true when I find the one I really like, LOL!) 
  • Milestones: Another week down, I sorta wish them away right now.  That sounds horrible, while I am enjoying my pregnancy now, each day brings growth to my baby and one day closer to him or her being in my arms.  <3

November 8, 2010

Embrassed by my groceries!

Today after work I was feeling pretty darn good so I decided to get some desperately needed groceries.  After about 20 mins gathering items V could make for him self, and would actually eat with no convincing from me I was wiped out but not done.  At some point I looked down to review what all I had selected and I was so embarrassed!  For one thing there was two of everything, two boxes of cereal, two bags of tortilla chips (a staple of my hubby's diet), some pre-seasoned meats, items to make cold sandwiches (for V), two gallons of milk and a small variety of other items. Usually my cart is full of fresh fruits, veggies, whole grains and generally healthier items, but right now between what I can eat and what V will eat it's not so pretty.  Not to mention looking at all the different foods makes me terribly sick and the effort it took was exhausting!  Poor V, gone are the days of you getting out of grocery shopping!

November 3, 2010

A Important Note About Sleep

Note to Self:  If you do not get enough (aka 8+hrs/night) you will feel horribly sick the next day and curse yourself for it.

Yeah you guessed it, last night I stayed up, just being stubborn, even though I was exhausted.  You see I married a night owl who rarely goes to bed before oh 11-12pm, I on the other hand am a morning person who even pre-pregnancy would rather be in bed by 9:30pm at the latest.  Now that I have a babe in my belly I've noticed an increased need for sleep, duh!  Last night I should have gone to bed over and over again, I was getting increasingly grumpy from staying up yet I stayed in the living room with said night owl husband until I literally passed out.  Today I feel like utter poo and will have to cancel hanging out with friends.  It's all my own stupid fault, even more so why would I deprive the belly from the sleep it needs?!?!  Stupid!  I keep trying to get my head around the fact that I just can't go-go-go anymore but apparently it's not working.  Tonight, you betcha I'm in bed long before the night owl even considers it!

P.S. if Homer where wearing a shirt of some sort this is a relatively good representation of what I looked like last night when I finally passed out on the joke!

November 2, 2010

Election 2010

This pretty much sums up my emotions on today, and I love that it's a bib!

I am so over the election coverage, but I always am at the end.  Today I've ignored it in full and it's been bliss!  At the end of the day we all have to realize the best we can do is elect another human being, another imperfect human being who will make mistakes and have successes but still just another human.  :)

November 1, 2010

Breathing and beating

This morning I got up and prepared myself for work, I felt wonderful which made me nervous ("why have my symptoms disappeared today?!?!")  I won't lie to you I had convinced myself we were getting bad news today so everything freaked me out this morning.  I went to work and did my best to stay focus, yeah right, I stared at the clock for a good 5.5 straight hours!

Finally 2pm arrived and V and I were in the waiting room just praying to be called soon.  Thankfully my Dr is a straight to the point kind of guy, I didn't have to weight myself or do anything of that other stuff, just undress from the waist down and wait for the Dr to come in.  V and I sat there in silence, he had a cute smile on his face, I was full of nervous chatter.  Dr Wonderful came in and got straight to business with the ultrasound...... and there (s)he was!!!  We could clearly see the baby and the heart beat flickering away!!! Just one little babe in there with a heart beat of 174!!  Our estimated due date is officially June 14, 2011!!!  That means I am 8 weeks tomorrow!  I am over the moon!  I just kept saying "wow", while V just stared at that screen in total awe!  Something V and I didn't share with anyone is at our last appointment the Dr thought there could be two babes in there (there was one obvious gestational sac and a void that the Dr thought could be a babe just a little earlier).  While V and I would more than happily accept twins I am relieved that we are expecting just one miracle in June.  I just keep taking deep breaths, I'm still so shocked!!
Thank you all for your continued support, it means the world to me!  I promise to try and keep my blog well rounded and entirely baby focused.

October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Waiting to greet the trick or treaters, I hope they like my costume!!

October 30, 2010

A Reassuring Dream

So the other night after my "the fear monster..." post I had the most real dream about our babe.  Actually the first one I thought was actually about our child.  I was at my upcoming ultrasound and unrealistically far along and they told me my baby is perfectly healthy and the gender (which I choose not to reveal).  Needless to say I believe that was God being like "hey Jen, I've got this under control, and really as long as baby is healthy, what else matters?!"  And it's so true.  Thousands and thousands of people have done with before us in worse situations.  V and I are smart and competent adults who love each other and wanted this baby.  No matter if I take unpaid maternity leave or start working a little earlier than idea from home, it will all work out. 

So after my reality check I'm just trying to take things day by day.  My magic pills (aka Zofran) are helping but I still get super tired super fast which can lead to nausea.  This afternoon V and I went out to do some errands for all of 2.5 hrs and I was wiped out.  I'm still learning to be less of a go-go-go girl but I think that will come with time.

So I think I'll do one of those fun posts I've seen other pregnant bloggers do, hope you don't mind if I just tag in on here.

  • How far along; best guess is 7 weeks 2 days (hopefully the dr gives me some direction on this tomorrow)
  • Stretch Marks: um way to early for that, although I got some of that Burt's Bees Belly stuff today for good measure
  • Sleep: is interesting these days.  I get up A LOT to pee, we're talking at least twice a night
  • Best Moment this week:  I turned to V and said "what if [insert scary thought here] happens."  Without missing a step he was totally reassuring and caring.  I love V but he's not always like this.  It meant the world to me
  • Movement: none yet, while the babe might be moving about like crazy I won't feel him or her for a while.
  • Food Commentary: O.M.GEEEE  I could write a book!  Food and I don't get a long right now.  I'm having major food aversions (Zofran only helps with nausea not aversions).  Right now cold cereal, soups of most kinds and breads are my friends.  Not the most well rounded diet but at this point I'll take what I can get....or force down.
  • Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!
  • Belly Button In or Out:  So far still in, I get bloated at night and have a pouch under my belly button but it's not horrible.
  • What I miss:  Hmmm  well food in general, but in all honest it's all worth it.  And hopefully the second trimester will be awesome so I refuse to complain!
  • What I'm looking forward to: my ultrasound on Monday, seeing my babe shaped like a gummy bear, hearing the heart beat for the first time, and yes having a real due date!
  • Weekly Wisdom: Two 1. Today I'm pregnant and doing all I can to give my babe the best shot at life that is all I can do 2. Thousands and thousands of people have done this therefor I can do this too!
  • Weekly WTF:  Hmmmmm  (TMI WARNING)  WTF butt!  I say you have to poop yet I go and it on the toilet and push like no other and a m&m sized turd comes out!?!?!  Seriously let's team up and get things moving STAT!
  • Nesting: nope, having really done much on that end.
  • Milestones: getting Zofran and feeling much less like crap day and night, I feel like a new woman!
I hope you enjoy my candor and honesty!  I hope your Halloween weekend is fun!

October 27, 2010

The fear monster makes an apperiance at my work...

Apparently I’m more scared than I was willing to admit.

Yesterday one of my co-workers announced she is 10 weeks pregnant! How exciting, I am so happy for her and her family and at the idea of being on this journey with her! Our boss was so excited she cried a little, it was super sweet. However today is a new day and my boss felt obligated to tell her boss….about both of our pregnancies. First I am still super early; I don’t even have a real due date yet. I really didn’t want to tell anyone at work for several weeks, at least until after we told the rest of Vic’s family. I went in and spoke privately with my boss, I was passively trying to get her to not send the email, of course I would never ask her out right to do this, I understand her obligation but my fear was creeping up. I still haven’t had the “normal” ultrasound most women have at their first appointment, I still don’t really know when I am “due” and….I’m terrified to get bad news on Monday. As I spoke these things out loud to her I started to cry a little. I had not even told V how scared I can get. I wanted to walk about in my bliss of ignorance and just be oblivious and happy but truth be told I get scared at times, really scared. Even with all my “morning sickness” I’m so scared our baby isn’t growing. I know it’s fairly irrational but I can’t help it. And to that I’ve been at my job days less than three months and I’m roughly two months pregnant. They don’t know this baby was tried for and a true miracle so I’m sure I look a bit unprofessional, I fess up to that. I won’t qualify for any short term disability or maternity leave because my company has a policy that you must be employed a minimum of one year before using short term disability or maternity leave. By my best guess I’ll have this baby around my 11th month of employment. The best I can do is try to stay employed and store up all my paid time off between now and then. The worst part is during my first 6 months of employment here and my probationary period I am considered “employment at will status” which means my employer has the legal right to let me go at any time without reason with no legal repercussions. I’ve been reassured that my boss’ boss is a true family man and will be happy for me but the fear doesn’t subside, my boss asked him to keep this information confidential but will he? Will he really be happy for me and allow me to keep my employment here? Is my baby growing just fine?

I feel like there are so many unanswered questions and I’m so nervous. I’m doing my best to remain calm, I know this is all in God’s hands; he blessed us with this baby and will take care of us. Only four days until my ultrasound, I just pray I get good news that our baby is growing just fine. Thanks for letting me vent.