May 21, 2013

Mom Guilt

I suffer from Mom Guilt...a lot, a lot more than I'd like to admit. It's a challenge being a working mom but it's one I put on myself. Yes I do have to work, especially now that we have a mortgage, but also I want to work. I want it all, a family and a career.

Maybe I'm not all that different from other moms but I feel like it...a lot. I rarely give up time with Liam. I'm really lucky to have a husband that let's me train basically whenever I want (early mornings before Liam is up or immediately after he's asleep) and a bestie that is the most understand human to ever have walked the face of the earth. I work but I rarely even take a lunch so I get a little extra time with Liam each day. I drop him off at daycare or Grandma's house (depending on the day) rush to work, work and rush to pick him up. I don't workout when he's awake, I don't hang out with friends.... I read to him, play with him, change him, whatever he needs. I try to be just in the moment with him as much as possible.

I swear I'm not obsessive. I just want to be his mom, I want the time I have with him to be all about him. I want him to know he has all my love for everyday we have. I know a lot of this is because I can't have more children, I value all the time I have with him so much knowing I will not experience these firsts again. Time moves so quickly, I just want to soak in these years.

Not to say it isn't hard sometimes, I get tired and frustrated. I want just a little time to myself. Who doesn't?

So once in a great while I take a little "me" time. Usually I'll let Liam sleepover at the Grandparent's house. They love having him, he loves being there. I love getting some extra rest or cleaning done. But even then I feel so guilty. Or on the days I do take a lunch (and go for a run), that extra hour eats at me...even if I run an errand without him on the weekend, it just kills me sometimes.

But why? I mean really why not take a little break once in a while? How do men do it and feel nothing, they (seemingly) have no guilt at all.

I push myself so hard, I run myself ragged...the most important thing I can do in this life is a be a good mom to him but I need to take care of myself too.

There is no right answer, is there?

May 18, 2013


I saw this on Julie's blog over at and thought it'd be a fun way to actually get a post done....and I love surveys!

Current Guilty Pleasure?
Spicy Food! I can't tell you how many spicy dishes I've had this week!!
Current Blessing?
Our home, I'm so in love with it!
Current Favorite Show?
Newlyweds the First Year on Brovo!  I just love the four different couples!
Current Excitement?
I'm back to training for a Half Marathon (in 56 days) I love running, I love having a plan and something to accomplish!  Also we are planning a trip possibly with V's parents this summer, looks like; camping, a zoo and a trip to a National Park....all things V and I love and can't wait to expose Liam to!

Your turn!
  • Current Guilty Pleasure?
  • Current Blessing?
  • Current Favorite Show?
  • Current Excitement?

May 11, 2013

10 days into Homeownership

Whew!  Need I say more?  Moving is crazy, add in a toddler to that and oh my!  Did I ever mention V and I have never moved together before, talk about learning experience! LOL! We are all settling in well now, Liam is fully adjusted to the new house, it's so sweet how happy he is here with all the extra room. 

For the most part we are fully unpacked, aside from odds and ends, the kind of stuff that probably should get donated anyway.  I've been putting off getting shades for the house, there is another oh my but a different kind all together, they are so expensive!  Luckily V's work started selling them (and area rugs!!!) so we'll take full advantage of his employee discount!  Here are a couple rugs I'm considering and the shades I want: ( take it back I couldn't get the website for the rugs we are considering to load, here is a pic of the shades, lame I know but I love that you can pull them down from the top and just let some light in!).

I have to admit I've been terrible about decorating.  I pulled our a few things I was given for my birthday but have yet to hang a single thing... I'm sorta overwhelmed with all the decisions (where to put things, what walls to paint accent colors, colors of rugs/curtains/plates).  I just need to start making some decisions and the rest will come. So far the only thing I've decided is the tree I want to plant (we need to let the dirt settle for another few weeks before we can sod and do flowers which is yet another decision). Our tree will be an Autumn Blaze Maple with turns, as the name suggests, a very bright red in the fall.  I can not wait!

What else could I share? I've got my first few runs in here in the new 'hood.  It's not the same as the our old rental, it's one saving grace was that I could step out our front door and run along the river which as you can imagine was beautiful.  I could still jump in my car and drive 15 mins (at most) and run along the river but I choose to just run in my new neighborhood, which isn't all that bad....we are out on the edge of town, out here I notice the mountains much more and can appreciate their beauty. 

Ok, it's late and I'm rambling.

Until next time, much love-

May 7, 2013

We now live in our forever home!

Part of the reason for my lack of posting is we finally moved into our forever home!  It was a bit crazy there in the very end, everyday was all maybe we can close today, maybe xyz will be done and the bank will call and.... and lots of xyz taking three more days than everyone said it would.  But in the end?  In the end we are still in.  We closed a week ago yesterday (Monday afternoon, which btw not ideal at all but do-able).

I'd been packing slowly but surely every night a box or seven depending on my mood and energy level.  I packed a crap ton of small boxes since I'd been saving diaper and wipe boxes for....ever.  But that kinda worked out too, it made unpacking (which also has been a little every night) much easier.  V and I took last Tuesday off and did a vast majority of the moving our selves while Liam was at daycare.  When my in-laws got off work that night they brought the big furniture over in one trip with the use of a giant truck from V's work.

One thing I didn't fully grasp was how stressful this whole thing would be on Liam.  We had visited the house once or twice a week for the last four months, in the last 4-6 weeks he knew where we were going and clapped every time we pulled up.  Each time we came into the house he ran around and laughed with amazing joy....  On Tuesday about 3:30pm I hit a wall, I could not move one more box, I went and picked Liam up early and went to the house just he and I.  (I had made his room priority #1 that morning so it was completely set up upon his arrival).  The moment we walked through the door he was ultra clingy I thought ut oh, this is not typical.  Something about seeing all his things in this new place stressed him out.  He started to whine and I said something I've said to him countless times (at the old house) show me what you want Liam.  And the tears started, he couldn't show me what he wanted, he had no idea where anything heart broke.  We spent the next ~2 hours just us walking around, I'd let him explore and point out where things were but he wouldn't let me get too far away from him (which was fine by me).  I asked V's mom to watch Liam at our house for the next two days so he could get used to it here, she said he was pretty clingy the first day but each day has gotten better and now you'd have no idea it was stressful at all.

I'm so in love with our house, I feel like I can breathe here.  We have so much storage and space to spread out.  One huge thing that we couldn't do at the rental was eat dinner together, just the layout of the kitchen only allowed one of us to sit at the table while Liam ate in his highchair (typically V or I would stand off to the side so we sorta ate together).  Now family dinners are a nightly event!  It's the simple things in life that really matter!

Much Love,