April 26, 2012

Torn Between Nana & G'ma pt 2

You may recall that I recently wrote about being torn between Nana (who watches Liam 4x/week) and G'ma wanting to retire and watch Liam full time.  Essentially I wanted Liam to stay with Nanna and V wanted the opposite.....

V and I finally found time to sit down and have a long and thoughtful discussion on the topic.  Parenting isn't always easy, for me a vast majority of it comes naturally but some discussions seem like mountains, this was one of them....and as usual V and I had differing opinions.  I pride myself on being able to see both sides of most things most of the time, V is a little more black and white.  My train of thought was; while Liam would benefit from the extended amount of time with G'ma & family ultimately he would benefit more from staying with Nanna at least 3 days/week.  It important for G'ma to stay G'ma and not become our employee, I want her to enjoy and look forward to her time with Liam and additionally if she is able to work from home it will not be realistic to get work done and watch a toddler.  Nanna is family to me, not only does Liam love her and the two girls Nanna watches but at this point he's going to be an only child and it's important for him to have the exposure to other children.  I was a bit amazed when V agreed.  We decided on: Nanna watching Liam 3 days per week and G'ma could watch him 2 day/week, those days must be consecutive because we believe it's important for Liam to have consistency.  Right now G'ma hasn't made a firm decision on when she will retire so we are just going to leave things where they are and when her decision is made we'll advise her of ours.  Whew, one more decision down now only like 4 million more to go! :)

Much Love,

April 24, 2012

On My Auto Immune Disease...An Update

Yesterday I had another appointment with Dr. T.  Or so I thought... I arrived at the lab a few minutes early for my blood work, there was no order, I walked over to Dr. T's office to get one only to learn my appointment was mysteriously canceled.  I sat around while a couple woman ran around trying to figure it out, we all know by now I get anxious about my appointments...this didn't help but in similar situations I always tell myself "we are all just humans, mistakes happen, as long as it can be resolved then no harm no foul."   Orders in hand I headed to the lab to wait an hour.  Thankfully I managed to be-friend one of the receptionists, she noticed I'd been waiting forever (45 minutes) and went back to tell them I am a oncology patient and need my blood work done now so I could make my appointment.  While I do not have cancer I am seen in the oncology department so I was ok with this and it meant I got in and out.  Back over to Dr. T's waiting room I went.  While I was waiting the practice administrator came out to introduce herself to me, she was so helpful while I was battling insurance, it was so sweet that she wanted to meet me and congratulate me on winning! It was just another few minutes before I was on my way back to an exam room.  As usual I was weighed, I've managed to maintain my weight for the last 4 months, I'm currently 14lbs below my per-pregnancy weight! Thank you My Fitness Pal! (it's free, sign up, message me and we can buddy up!)

Before I knew it Dr T came in.  I'm so thankful I get to stay in his care, even though my appointment was mysteriously canceled he took his time to talk to me about different things...like the fact that about 50% of the time when ITP is discovered and there is another associated disease existing and my fears.  I was so freakishly nervous.  Since 6 months have passed Dr T. is no longer concerned about associated diseases, he thinks I just have a idiopathic chronic case of ITP that will be intermittent for the rest of my life.  This is good news, the other associated diseases are scary....so scary (message me if you have specific questions, I'd be happy to discuss those).  He even said "I don't want to cause you to worry more by telling you this"... I reassured him I prefer the education....I'll worry anyway.  He also said I really shouldn't worry about having more children, that if I do get pregnant and my ITP worsens during my pregnancy I can do the IV treatments (this is an 8 hour treatment, in the hospital! Yikes!). I would be unable to do steroids while pregnant.  I'm still petrified of having another child.  He reassured me that he doesn't think I will ever have normal platelet numbers but I don't need them to be normal to be ok (normal is over 150k), as long as I can stay around or above 80k I can live a normal life full of the activities I love.  My numbers weren't available so I headed back to work (two hours late) and he said he'd call me.

I went to a movie with my dearest friend E. at 7pm thinking I wouldn't hear from Dr T until the next day.  Nope, I missed his call twice around 8pm.  He called me again at 9pm and again took time to talk to me.  He mentioned that I was more nervous than ever before.  He again took time to talk to me about how "this is not a death sentence, it's just annoying....you are doing very well and I expect your recurrences to be spread out over years not months".  My platelet numbers have continued to lower about 20% to 90k.  He reminded me of what to watch for and reminded me I don't need an appointment to have my blood checked, to just call him and I could go over on my lunch and be checked, he would call me.  I'm just so thankful for him, he gets me....he doesn't just brush off that "I over think this whole thing" (my words).  I have another appointment in August. (Side note, I'm no longer anemic! Yay!  I still have to stay on Iron for 3 month but that is fine.)

So it is good news, I'll probably need treatment again in the fall.  It will probably be steroids...while the side effects are rough...I prefer them because the thought of the IV treatment terrifies me (did I mention they are $10k a pop?).

I know I say it all too often but I'm really going to work on looking at the big picture and stop worrying about the little stuff.  I can't plan and control everything, or really much at all.  At the end of the day I still have a pretty great life, sure a few things could be different and better but over all I'm pretty darn blessed.

Other related posts:
My Diagnosis with ITP
What is ITP?

Much Love,

April 13, 2012

Taking Down My Pics

Good Friday Morning Peeps,

As you may (or may not) have noticed I have taken down a lot of my pictures on here.  I've been getting insane amount of daily views lately and it's made me rather uncomfortable.  I have no intentions of ever earning money from this blog, it's my journal (bad grammar/spelling and all)...not my job.....knowing that hundreds of people are viewing my pictures....it weirds me out.  I hope this doesn't mean you all will leave me, I will post pics in the future but I'll likely only leave them up for a few days.  It's my blog, I make the rules.....

Much Love,

April 12, 2012

What I'm [currently] Loving....

I need a distraction today, so another addition of What I'm Loving....

"A Cut Above"  (toes)

Hello Newest Addiction (Burt's Bees Grapefruit Lip Balm)

My hair feels great!

Tankinis, the tummy will not see sunlight this summer.

Having this made in white for family pics in June

April 10, 2012

Torn between Nanna & G'ma

I'm in a bit of a pickle with our childcare situation.....

"Nanna" is a family friend we pay to watch Liam, she has had him 4 days a week since he was 7 weeks old.  She is amazing, she has done everything we've asked of her without batting an eye, she loves Liam and Liam loves her (and the two little girls Nanna watches).  She is reasonably priced, her home is safe and I trust her.

But ever since Liam was born his G'ma (V's Mom) has wanted to quit her job and watch Liam full time.  It seemed like a pipe dream until very recently.  Basically G'ma wants to retire and watch Liam full time (she currently only watches him on Fridays because she's off).  BUT G'ma and G'pa can't afford for her to not work just yet so she wants V and I to pay her to watch Liam.  It's not a matter of money, I will gladly pay for childcare...

There are pros and cons to each.  I am deeply concerned that her time with Liam will become work and she will not enjoy being a G'ma like she has.  I know that Liam will benefit from having a deeper relationship with G'ma and G'pa (as well as Great G'ma who lives with G'ma & G'pa)....but I want Liam to be around other children too.  I expect my rules to be followed, Liam is my child...I am his parent, I know what is best for him.  G'ma has already broken two rules that hurt me deeply, the hurt wasn't intentional and has been addressed..... I just worry about loosing Nanna as Liam's primary care provider then being unhappy with G'ma.  As far as Liam being around other children, G'ma has mentioned taking him to play dates etc which actually really bothers me, I'm his mom! I want to do the fun things, Nanna doesn't take Liam on play dates....  G'ma also mentioned perhaps she could watch Liam 2-4 days a week and Nanna could do the rest, personally this is a No.  I don't want Liam bouncing all over the place to accommodate G'ma's lifestyle.  I am a firm beleiver that children need consistency and thrive when they have structure.

Perhaps your thinking "Well then just keep Nanna as Liam's childcare provider."  To be honest I wish I could, I wish it were that easy.  I know the income helps Nanna and she has become like family to me.  I know she doesn't want to watch the kiddos forever but at least for the next two years I know she is committed to us and the other kiddo's parents.  It's no big surprise that V and I don't see eye-to-eye on this, he wants his mom to watch Liam and I would prefer to stay with Nanna.  I don't want to hurt my mother-in-law's feelings, I love her but I don't want her to raise my child.

Oy.  Anyone out there have any advice?

I can relate.