Waiting to greet the trick or treaters, I hope they like my costume!!
October 31, 2010
October 30, 2010
A Reassuring Dream
So the other night after my "the fear monster..." post I had the most real dream about our babe. Actually the first one I thought was actually about our child. I was at my upcoming ultrasound and unrealistically far along and they told me my baby is perfectly healthy and the gender (which I choose not to reveal). Needless to say I believe that was God being like "hey Jen, I've got this under control, and really as long as baby is healthy, what else matters?!" And it's so true. Thousands and thousands of people have done with before us in worse situations. V and I are smart and competent adults who love each other and wanted this baby. No matter if I take unpaid maternity leave or start working a little earlier than idea from home, it will all work out.
So after my reality check I'm just trying to take things day by day. My magic pills (aka Zofran) are helping but I still get super tired super fast which can lead to nausea. This afternoon V and I went out to do some errands for all of 2.5 hrs and I was wiped out. I'm still learning to be less of a go-go-go girl but I think that will come with time.
So I think I'll do one of those fun posts I've seen other pregnant bloggers do, hope you don't mind if I just tag in on here.
- How far along; best guess is 7 weeks 2 days (hopefully the dr gives me some direction on this tomorrow)
- Stretch Marks: um way to early for that, although I got some of that Burt's Bees Belly stuff today for good measure
- Sleep: is interesting these days. I get up A LOT to pee, we're talking at least twice a night
- Best Moment this week: I turned to V and said "what if [insert scary thought here] happens." Without missing a step he was totally reassuring and caring. I love V but he's not always like this. It meant the world to me
- Movement: none yet, while the babe might be moving about like crazy I won't feel him or her for a while.
- Food Commentary: O.M.GEEEE I could write a book! Food and I don't get a long right now. I'm having major food aversions (Zofran only helps with nausea not aversions). Right now cold cereal, soups of most kinds and breads are my friends. Not the most well rounded diet but at this point I'll take what I can get....or force down.
- Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!
- Belly Button In or Out: So far still in, I get bloated at night and have a pouch under my belly button but it's not horrible.
- What I miss: Hmmm well food in general, but in all honest it's all worth it. And hopefully the second trimester will be awesome so I refuse to complain!
- What I'm looking forward to: my ultrasound on Monday, seeing my babe shaped like a gummy bear, hearing the heart beat for the first time, and yes having a real due date!
- Weekly Wisdom: Two 1. Today I'm pregnant and doing all I can to give my babe the best shot at life that is all I can do 2. Thousands and thousands of people have done this therefor I can do this too!
- Weekly WTF: Hmmmmm (TMI WARNING) WTF butt! I say you have to poop yet I go and it on the toilet and push like no other and a m&m sized turd comes out!?!?! Seriously let's team up and get things moving STAT!
- Nesting: nope, having really done much on that end.
- Milestones: getting Zofran and feeling much less like crap day and night, I feel like a new woman!
October 27, 2010
The fear monster makes an apperiance at my work...
Apparently I’m more scared than I was willing to admit.
Yesterday one of my co-workers announced she is 10 weeks pregnant! How exciting, I am so happy for her and her family and at the idea of being on this journey with her! Our boss was so excited she cried a little, it was super sweet. However today is a new day and my boss felt obligated to tell her boss….about both of our pregnancies. First I am still super early; I don’t even have a real due date yet. I really didn’t want to tell anyone at work for several weeks, at least until after we told the rest of Vic’s family. I went in and spoke privately with my boss, I was passively trying to get her to not send the email, of course I would never ask her out right to do this, I understand her obligation but my fear was creeping up. I still haven’t had the “normal” ultrasound most women have at their first appointment, I still don’t really know when I am “due” and….I’m terrified to get bad news on Monday. As I spoke these things out loud to her I started to cry a little. I had not even told V how scared I can get. I wanted to walk about in my bliss of ignorance and just be oblivious and happy but truth be told I get scared at times, really scared. Even with all my “morning sickness” I’m so scared our baby isn’t growing. I know it’s fairly irrational but I can’t help it. And to that I’ve been at my job days less than three months and I’m roughly two months pregnant. They don’t know this baby was tried for and a true miracle so I’m sure I look a bit unprofessional, I fess up to that. I won’t qualify for any short term disability or maternity leave because my company has a policy that you must be employed a minimum of one year before using short term disability or maternity leave. By my best guess I’ll have this baby around my 11th month of employment. The best I can do is try to stay employed and store up all my paid time off between now and then. The worst part is during my first 6 months of employment here and my probationary period I am considered “employment at will status” which means my employer has the legal right to let me go at any time without reason with no legal repercussions. I’ve been reassured that my boss’ boss is a true family man and will be happy for me but the fear doesn’t subside, my boss asked him to keep this information confidential but will he? Will he really be happy for me and allow me to keep my employment here? Is my baby growing just fine?
I feel like there are so many unanswered questions and I’m so nervous. I’m doing my best to remain calm, I know this is all in God’s hands; he blessed us with this baby and will take care of us. Only four days until my ultrasound, I just pray I get good news that our baby is growing just fine. Thanks for letting me vent.
Yesterday one of my co-workers announced she is 10 weeks pregnant! How exciting, I am so happy for her and her family and at the idea of being on this journey with her! Our boss was so excited she cried a little, it was super sweet. However today is a new day and my boss felt obligated to tell her boss….about both of our pregnancies. First I am still super early; I don’t even have a real due date yet. I really didn’t want to tell anyone at work for several weeks, at least until after we told the rest of Vic’s family. I went in and spoke privately with my boss, I was passively trying to get her to not send the email, of course I would never ask her out right to do this, I understand her obligation but my fear was creeping up. I still haven’t had the “normal” ultrasound most women have at their first appointment, I still don’t really know when I am “due” and….I’m terrified to get bad news on Monday. As I spoke these things out loud to her I started to cry a little. I had not even told V how scared I can get. I wanted to walk about in my bliss of ignorance and just be oblivious and happy but truth be told I get scared at times, really scared. Even with all my “morning sickness” I’m so scared our baby isn’t growing. I know it’s fairly irrational but I can’t help it. And to that I’ve been at my job days less than three months and I’m roughly two months pregnant. They don’t know this baby was tried for and a true miracle so I’m sure I look a bit unprofessional, I fess up to that. I won’t qualify for any short term disability or maternity leave because my company has a policy that you must be employed a minimum of one year before using short term disability or maternity leave. By my best guess I’ll have this baby around my 11th month of employment. The best I can do is try to stay employed and store up all my paid time off between now and then. The worst part is during my first 6 months of employment here and my probationary period I am considered “employment at will status” which means my employer has the legal right to let me go at any time without reason with no legal repercussions. I’ve been reassured that my boss’ boss is a true family man and will be happy for me but the fear doesn’t subside, my boss asked him to keep this information confidential but will he? Will he really be happy for me and allow me to keep my employment here? Is my baby growing just fine?
I feel like there are so many unanswered questions and I’m so nervous. I’m doing my best to remain calm, I know this is all in God’s hands; he blessed us with this baby and will take care of us. Only four days until my ultrasound, I just pray I get good news that our baby is growing just fine. Thanks for letting me vent.
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