What the Crap! Nooooo!

Was the first thought that ran through my mind today when I saw a sad face as a status update from a dear friend.  I refuse to share all the details because it's not mine to share but her journey breaks my heart.  Her and her husband are on a long journey to be parents and today isn't a great day for them.

I spent the morning praying for them every chance I got, I begged God for a miracle on their behalf.  Then after seeing her sad face status update I spent the afternoon questioning God.  Wondering often out loud why their journey is this way, why any of us have to struggle to have children....then I went on to have an argument with myself about how I know that I'm not supposed to know all the ways and whys of God's will.  It was an interesting afternoon in my little pea brain.

I hate infertility, I hate that some have to struggle to have children.  I hate that anyone even has to "try" and get pregnant.  I hate the loneliness of the struggle.  I hate that it ruins friendships.  I hate that so many don't understand and don't try and relate to those of us who can't just WHAM BAMB THANK YOU MA'AM and get pregnant.  I hate that I can't do anything and don't know why this is happening to my friend.

My heart is heavy for my friend today.