September 12, 2010

Opening Up

If there is one thing you should know about me, it's that once I start thinking and talking about doing something I am pretty close to acting on it.

So on Sunday morning I decided to ask V's dad about how to have the elders of our church pray for us without giving them all the details of our trying-to-make-a-baby-journey, since he is one of the elders I figured this was the most logical route. Before the sermon started he offered me a few options that were fine but intimidating, then after the sermon he said "if it would be easier you can tell me what to say and I'll talk to them for you, that way you don't have to field questions." This was great, I was holding it together pretty well emotionally, then I said "this sucks" and started to cry, I looked over and V's dad was crying too. It broke my heart to see how sad this whole thing makes him and V's mom. We hugged but I needed out of there before we had a million questions. V and I escaped to the car where I promptly lost it. My heart broke. Soon we arrived home and just hugged it out. Poor V didn't know what to do, he's a man's man and wants to fix things so this whole thing is hard on him. I was instructed to change into jammies while he made me lunch.

A few hours later I got a call from a high school friend I'm still in touch with, she recently "accidentally" got pregnant after admitting to me she was "baby-crazy", the cherry on top? She doesn't know who the dad is, only has "a fairly good idea". Great. I decided to answer her call anyway. Apparently her supposed baby-daddy is being a jerk. She knows a tiny bit about what we are going though, we both cried at our situations. Turns out we could both use each others support.

That evening I was scheduled to be the lead infant teacher, I was both excited and nervous but felt obligated to go so I went. I arrived a little extra early so I could listen to worship for a little bit. Before I had left for church I did a facebook status about being sad and making cake to remedy my sadness. Well I start walking back to the kids area and my friend/pastor stops me to ask about my cake....ut oh....this was code for "whats going on?" I tried to shrug it off so he directly asked me how I was and how he could pray for me. This is not a friend I am capable of telling a white lie too, I respect him too much. So I let the cat out of the bag, he gave me a big hug, I wiped away my tears and confessed I was about to be late to spend time with the babies. It means so much to me to know he'll be praying for us. I got to the children's ministry area and we only had two babies (less than 13 mos) for the night! Perfect! One little one was sleepy and grumpy and just wanted me to hold him, I gladly obliged. He was so sweet, I loved every moment of holding him, I'm shocked it didn't sting a little after the fact, but it ended up being a wonderful and lifted my spirit so!

V and I have talked and decided to slowly let the cat out of the bag with other close friends. We won't always tell everyone and will only tell them simple truths (not so much details). We just feel we need the support and others will benefit from it too. This won't be a easy journey but there's no changing it so we choose to embrace it.

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