September 21, 2010

Dear God...

Dear God,

I'd really like to be pregnant now or at least soon, to be carrying V's child and preparing for a life of parenting said child.


Sorry, just had to get that out.

Some days I'm great at waiting for my dr apptointment, some I'm is a not day. I'm to the point where I am down right anxious to have a plan and attack it. Yes attack it. I'm done with our break, I'm done not knowing what is going on, I'm done wondering what tests we will have to do (and done trying to keep myself from over thinking about said tests and outcomes) I'm done here at this emotional fork in the road. I've accepted I need treatment to become a mother and make V a father. I'm more than ready to move on and take that first step on this journey.

Like I said in an earlier post, V and I have started to open up about our journey to a few select people, and recently had V's dad ask the elder board of our church to pray for us. I must admit it was odd going to church last weekend, just knowing that people know. I didn't catch anyone looking at us differently or anything so that is good. I confided in a good friend (who also happens to be our associate pastor and my dear friends husband) about this whole journey, he urged me to also share with our small group....however I'm just not ready for that step. I don't want to just open the flood gates, this is still a very private journey and while I'm positive we will open up totally at some point, that point or step is just not this moment.

I've always said this whole thing is one step at a time, one day at a time. It feels that way more than ever right now. One day, one step at a time on this journey. I'm done on this step. I feel like I'm at a fork in the road, just about to take the first step on this, our new journey. Please Lord, bless my footsteps and guide me.

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