September 13, 2011

The [Slow] Death of Breastfeeding

Welp, I've done it.  I've given breastfeeding an expiration date, well sorta.  I recently purchased some pumping/storage bags on super sale, enough for ~10 weeks give or take.  Once those are gone I'm done-zo.  So roughly December.

I'm already proud of myself, I breastfed Liam for longer than I thought I'd be able to, longer than many people I know have breastfed their children.  I toughed it out through the really hard moments and I have a nice little stash.  With my ~10 weeks and my stash Liam will get breast milk well passed 6 months and by then he will likely be on to some solids anyway.  I'm content with this decision.

I'm guessing you're wounder why I've made this choice since I've preached all along about not setting goals etc so that I wouldn't be disappointed.  Here is a random selection of reasons why I'm just over it:
  1. I'm constantly uncomfortable and often flat out in pain.
  2. I detest breastfeeding in public, so few places have a sufficient area for this...bathrooms are NOT a place to breastfeed (would you eat a meal in a toilet stall? Didn't think so.)
  3. I equally detest pumping in the nasty bathroom at work, this is actually illegal (state laws mandate a "non-bathroom" area to pump....yeah there is no such place at my work, eff!)
  4. One breast is a B the other (with all the milk) is a D.  This makes me very self conscious and contributes to being physically uncomfortable.
  5. As mentioned above all (literally all) my milk is in my one breast....gross.  Yep that is how I feel about myself...gross.  Doesn't do much for intimacy with the hubby.
  6. I can't workout like I would like to....the larger breast bounces like you wouldn't believe and that hurts! Sunday when I worked out I wore two sports bras, it really helped but I should have to do this.
  7. I feel like I'm always on some magic timeline (I can only be gone for X more minutes/hours before I have to pump or Liam needs the boob).
  8. I'm sick to death of the few tops that I can easily feed Liam in or easily pump in (and that don't draw attention to my differing breast sizes.
  9. Liam is sleeping longer and longer at night which means some nights I have to pump at 3am or wake up soaking wet and in a lot of pain from engorgement.  Super fun....not.
  10. If my MIL watches me breastfeed one more time I'll punch her in the face.
I'll stop there, I'm sure you get the point.  Some women have the easiest time in the world breastfeeding, some can't do it at all.  I feel blessed and content with the amount of time I was able to and I'm happily looking forward to moving on to the next phase.  So here's to ~ten more weeks until freedom!

[I want to quickly mention that there have been plenty of good things about breastfeeding Liam.  The bonding, the health benefits for both of us. I could easily go on and on but the place I'm in is a finish line of sorts so the harder and less pleasant things are easier to see (and feel).]


  1. I can absolutely understand your feelings. I'm glad you're happy and comfortable with your decision! Go you for breastfeeding as long as you could :) I definitely believe a happy mama makes a happy baby and that's most important!

  2. 6 months is awesome! You are making the best choice for your sanity and with your stash he is getting the best too! Go you ;)

  3. Considering I only lasted with my first for one week, you have done wonderfully! I just couldn't physically do it and the decision was a hard one but in the end, just like the ladies said above, "a happy Mom makes a happy baby". When you decide to quit, it will be the right decision. :) Kit