September 20, 2011

I won't make it until December [breastfeeding]

Breast feeding's death is about to be in it's in progress, it's been given a very abrupt termination date...  My emotions change depend on the hour and vary widely as does the pain associated with "drying up".

It's a long drawn out story I don't want to relive but pumping at work has grown increasingly horrible and drama filled, I'm certain some of it is illegal but I'm so over it and so over the negative feelings I keep having about my body that I made the leap yesterday and decided I'm done.  Today I went 10 hours without pumping or feeding Liam (he gets frozen stash while at Nanna's).  By the time we got home about 7:45pm tonight he was hungry so I relieved my pain and fed him off the bigger boob.  Tonight I'm aiming to only feed him once tonight, I might pump before work tomorrow then I'll try and make it through the work day without pumping.  Ideally I'll cut down to maybe one feeding and one pump session a day and by then I'm assuming my body will just give up on me.

Part of me is sad, I actually feel like breastfeeding is being taken from me.  I I know it's wrong that someone else pushed me over the edge and that I'm quitting because of that but I can't imagine continuing to pump under the circumstance I am at work.  Don't get me wrong, there is a side of me that is happy too.  I want my body back, I am praying with every inch of my soul that my right breast reduces in size to something relatively close to the other, I can't wait to run and workout without pain but I will miss that special time with Liam, feeding him the way only I can.  But it is what it is and it is at the end.

I promise to keep you updated on the process of drying up and what not....

1 comment:

  1. I know I need to do this myself, I just haven't committed to it yet. It is sad, but sometimes reality just doesn't cooperate with what we'd like to be able to do.