Yard Sale.....

Coming to you live from my yard!  Oy, what was I thinking when I decided to have a yard sale?  Oh yeah, I was thinking I could make a few dollars and get rid of some of my junk.....er treasures.  LOL!  I'm the opposite of a hoarder, I'm always getting rid of stuff, usually I donate it but this summer I decided to do my first yard sale....it may turn out to be my last too.  I've been open for business for almost 3 hours and made about $15.  I thought I'd at least make $50 but perhaps I was daydreaming, or just dreaming in general. LOL!
At least it's a beautiful summer morning,  I've treated myself to a Starbucks frappuccino (the kind you buy at the gas station) and I've slipped off my shoes to enjoy the breeze.  Liam is inside enjoying some daddy time which is good for all of us.  I love that boy with ever inch of my soul but momma needs a little mental space (and physical space) sometimes.  On a random side note, I've seen a truck marked with the University logo drive by at least 9 times in 3 hours, what is that woman doing?
I suppose I could have forked out the cash to list my yard sale in the paper but I have two thoughts about that 1. who reads the paper anymore?  2. it's far too expensive and cuts into my profit margin.  LOL!  I hung up some signs last night and I've gotten good feed back on the location of them, hopefully there are still some people driving around just waiting to buy my treasures.   Looks like I might end up loading up my treasures and donating them anyway, momma's getting bored!  LOL!

This is going to be random, try to keep up!

I've had ~7 running posts on my mind for days and let's face it I just don't have that kind of time so this is going to be one rather random post. 

In no particular order:

1. The Gym.  Yes I am back, yes I went before I was "cleared" and I loved it!  The gym is my place and I missed it.  I figure I haven't really worked out in about 5 months, that is a long time for me.  I went back last week and only did about a half hour of light cardio and it was glorious.  I dropped Liam off with Grandma and scurried off.  I so enjoyed the time and have no guilt about it at all.  It was actually really neat, as I finished my work out I noticed two little boys (about 6 years old) outside playing, it occurred to me that one day that would be Liam rough-housing with his friends and my heart filled with joy.  Going to the gym really cleared my head and helped me feel better about the "body image issues" I was dealing with too!  *Today I had my six week appt and I am cleared to workout, commence fitness classes!*

2. Our Grand Adventure.  It was grand!  Liam did amazing in the car and only fussed the last few minutes when we got stuck in road construction.  Once at the cabin it was so restful, V did all the cooking and I even found some time to just lay in the sun and read my mommy magazines.  V enjoyed some fishing and we had the yummiest fish dinner!  I was sad to leave, especially since Liam slept so well (four hours at a time!).  I'm hoping we can return one more time before summer rides off into the sunset and winter pounces on us again.



For your enjoyment a pic of Liam chatting with me today!



3. Liam is 6 Weeks Old!  Can you believe it?  I can't.  He's started making little noises and smiling in response to V and I.  This morning I was super bummed because I have to return to work next week and Liam just smiled at me a ton and "talked" with me, brightened up my whole day!  He's such a good baby, he still only sleeps about 3 hours at a time but I'm still getting 6-9 hours total a night which I understand is more than most moms at this point so I'll take it.  According to my books soon he'll be able to roll over (one way) and grasp things, crazy!

4. I had my 6 Week check up.  It felt incredibly odd to go to the Dr this afternoon.  You spend almost a year going ALL.THE.TIME then suddenly it's like "see ya in 2012."  Strange.  I've lost ~30 lbs so far and my Dr was happy with that, ~9 remain to be lost, all in my tummy.  We discussed birth control, [never thought I'd say that after how hard it was to GET pregnant].  In the end V and I decided Liam is a miracle baby that technically was naturally conceived and we didn't want two miracle babies in one year so IUD it is for us...er me.  It was really nice to see my Dr and nurse, I really like them (as you know if you have read my blog for any amount of time).  Is it odd that I'm going to kinda miss seeing them?  Side note, Auntie (aka Bestie) came with me to watch Liam since I assumed it would be a longer appt.  After I was done I found them walking the halls and she gushed about how she just chatted with him and he passed out in her arms....it really melted my heart!  I may not have any family by blood but the true family I have are amazing and I could not be more thankful for them! <3

5.  Having More Children....Maybe.  So I've danced around posting about this but it's a thought I need to get out of my head.  V and I aren't sure if we'll have more children, or try to have more I guess is a more appropriate way to say that.  Heaven only knows if we can have more.  Facts are V is "older" and we want to provide the best possible future for Liam, including being able to help him with college.  While I would ideally like him to have a sibling it just might not been in the cards for us.  Then again it's too early to do anything permanent to our fertility (V will get snipped should our decision become long term)....so hence the IUD.  Oh and by-the-by I hate that people have been asking us for at least a month if we are having more children!  It took us two years to make this one, can't we enjoy him for a while?!!?  Really!

6. Breastfeeding.  Yep I'm still trying, I think Liam is in a growth spurt but so far I've been able to keep up.  I still have random pains in my boobs but I think it's normal.  They don't hurt enough to ask the lactation consultant (yet) so I'm clearly not too worried about it.  Next week I start back to work where I'll pump.  And as long as I don't dry up because I'm not feeding him directly I'll probably keep doing it.  We are still supplementing with formula as needed but thankfully he's had no trouble going from boobies to bottle and back.

7.  Work.  Oy Vey.  My boss is kinda a nut case (a post for another day).  I have to go back next week and I'm just not ready but I have to so I will.  Luckily we have someone to watch Liam in her home that we trust.  He'll be loved and cared for and get so much one-on-one attention that it's pretty much the next best thing.  Thankfully my boss and I found some common ground and I can take some Mondays off to spend with him, that should make it easier on both of us.

Wow, I only guessed it was seven topics but it really was!  Feels good to get all those thoughts out!  If you are still reading you deserve a cookie, go get one!

Until next time,

Preparing for a Grand Adventure

Well sort of anyway.  We're taking our first trip to the family cabin as a family of three (four if you count the dogger).  V is heading up early with his boat to do some fishing.  I guess I could go up with him, I mean I'll be awake at 4am anyway but I decided against it.  We have to take both the car and truck anyway (long story).  So tomorrow Liam and I will zoom off in our over loaded car and travel the ~1.5 hours to the cabin solo.  I won't lie to you, I'm kinda nervous.  Liam doesn't always love the car, sometimes he down right hates it.  I'm super nervous he'll get upset and I may not be able to pull over to comfort him for several miles.  I'm going to attempt to do the trip during his morning nap but those aren't super consistent yet and just being in the car might through it off.  Perhaps (hopefully) I'm just a nervous Nancy for nothing....

(Thanks Google Images!)

The drive aside it should be a good weekend.  V and I love the cabin, it's a huge blessing to be able to travel up there and enjoy the silence of nature.  I love being away from life's distractions, there is no cable TV, no Internet and we usually shut our phones off (you guessed it, no land line!).  I'm hoping we can at least enjoy a family walk since hiking it's a option this summer.  I imagine we'll have lots of down time to hang on the dock or just chill in the cabin and enjoy family time.  I'm pretty excited, the cabin is a staple of V's childhood memories and now it will be for Liam too....pretty neat.

My New Body (part two)

First off I'd like to say I feel like a jerk, donkey....total jack ass.  I remember the days of hearing women complain about their baby weight and I thought to myself (and told them) I'd gladly accept their additional pounds to be pregnant.  I hate that I'm the one whining now....but I'm just being honest.  This new body is just so different and strange.

I will say I feel much better today, I dropped Liam off with Grandma and Grandpa and headed to the gym.  I only did a half hour on the elliptical but it was glorious!  Towards the end of my workout I could see two young boys (maybe 6) play fighting outside in the grass (my gym is in a fairly residential area) and it occurred to me that one day that would be Liam, he'd be happy and healthy and play fight with another little boy.  I have to remember to stop and have these moments and stay focused on the things that are truly important in life.  I wouldn't trade Liam for anything, not even my "old" body.  And let's face it my body will never be 100% the same and that is ok.

Now I'm off to eat my salad, shower and pump so I can get my little man! <3  Happy Friday!

My New Body

The following is not a plea for compliments, not a request to boost my ego etc.  It's simply an exercise in honesty on my part.

Throughout my pregnancy I loved my body, there were very few moments I felt uncomfortable with my weight and growing waistline, actually I loved virtually every moment.  I constantly rubbed my belly and honestly felt like the happiest pregnant woman on earth.  Even as I inched near 200lbs it never effected how I felt about me for more than a fleeting moment.

Then I gave birth to Liam and was so proud of how my body had performed.  It had accomplished an amazing feet, it had birthed the most beautiful baby boy ever.  Even my doctor told me how proud of me he was.  Thankfully friends warned me I'd still look pregnant after delivering Liam, and I did and I didn't care.

Weeks has passed us by and thanks to breastfeeding most of the weight has essentially melted off.  I've lost about 30 pounds in the last ~5 weeks and have only 9 more to lose.  But those remaining 9 are all in my belly and because of the swelling I had at the end of my pregnancy I haven't worked out in a good 5 months so I'm rather....soft.  I'm still proud of my body and so thankful for the weight loss I have had, heaven knows I haven't worked for it....but...

BUT I don't feel pretty, nor beautiful and now where even vaguely sexy.  I feel soft and round.  I know I am neither of those things and that I can loose the remaining weight and tone up easily once I get the "all clear" to workout (and I magically find the time and energy to do so).  But right now I'm really struggling with my "new" body.  I do not have "baby blues" nor postpartum depression in fact body issues aside I'm super happy.  It's just that this new body is a stranger to me, difficult to dress and easily tired when I do get to go on a jog or mild hike (both of which I attempted last week).  This is not the body I'm used to having.  My maternity pants are far too baggy on me but even my old "fat" jeans are no wear near close to buttoning...

I know this will be short lived and one day I'll feel silly for even feeling this way but right now these are things I'm having a hard time shaking.  The pressure to "snap back" into shape is all me and no one else but it's still there.  I want my old body back, I want to wear all my normal clothing and to feel fit and healthy again.  Thats it, that is what is really bugging me, it literally just occurred to me, it's that I feel unfit and unhealthy!  Two things I pride myself on are feeling fit and healthy, that is why this has been so hard on me!  I get it!  One day at a time....

My Husband, My Hero

Well technically I don't beleive in heros, I don't believe in holding people up on a pedistol because we are all human and all flawed and will ultimately disappoint eventurally.  But last night my hubby blew that all out of the water.

Since I'm home all day and can nap I've been letting V sleep through the night.  Liam is really easy baby in genearl but especially at night, he only gets up 3 times anyway so it's not that hard.  Add this to the fact that V works construction, he needs sleep for his safety.  Last night though, last night was rough.  Liam woke up ready to eat so we went about our usual routine; change diaper, feed off both boobies, rock for a moment and back to the bedroom for sleepy time (Liam sleeps in a bassinet in our room).  All went according to plan except for the last part...after eatting Liam got really upset, I thought "ok, you need to burp." and went about attempting that, typically he'd burp and pass out.  Not this time Liam started crying which quickly lead to screaming and suddenly I had no energy, zero, zip, zilch...I felt oddly drained.  Nothing worked and Liam just kept getting louder, my heart was breaking but I had nothing...I could not get him to stop.  It only lasted maybe 5 minutes and V appeared, he calmly picked up Liam and he "I've got it."  I decided to let him, it was 4am and I was suddenly drained.  I went back to bed and before I knew it Liam had stoped crying and V was placing him, sound asleep, in his bassinet.  I've never been more in love with V! 

One Month

Dearest Liam,
Your officially a month old, well actually more than that.  I meant to make the time to write you letters but honestly I'd rather actually spend that time with you than in front of the computer.  You are the sweetest baby and a total Momma's Boy! I love it!  Sometimes after Daddy has left for work I pull you into bed with me and we snuggle for a little bit, you manage to wiggle close to me every time, it melts my heart!
We haven't weighed you lately but you are clearly bigger than the peanut baby we brought home!  It's no surprise, you are a eating machine, and that is ok with me! You are awake more often and alert, you don't mind being held by anyone, in fact I think you like it!  You love your swing and will sleep just about anywhere, which makes Momma super happy!  You sleep about three stretches of three hours each night and sleep in your bassinet in our room.
There is so much more I could tell you but I'd rather go hold you and love on you, my maternity leave will be over all too soon and our hours together are too precious to waste in front of a computer!
-Momma

Tales from Breastfeeding-land

Wow, breastfeeding is no joke.  Before Liam arrived I promised myself I'd hold myself to no unrealistic standards, set no "goals" or timeliness but would breastfeed, if I could, for as long as I could.  Four weeks later I'm glad I did this; I'm glad I didn't set unrealistic standards and I'm glad I tried to breastfeed...I'm still trying.  I should mention now I do truly believe that "breast is best" but there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding your baby as you will soon read...

Liam has been a champ, he knew what he was doing from the beginning, I was just along for the ride.  Unfortunately my body is unsure of this whole thing (not surprising my body would do this to me).

TMI warning!  For one thing breastfeeding hurts, especially at first or if he's really hungry!  I felt so bad for the little guy those first days before my milk actually came in, he was just munching away on my poor nipples, they never saw it coming!  Then it hurts when your milk does come in, holy molly giant boobies!  Then my body decided it was unsure about this game and one breast stopped making milk.  Great.  I called the lactation consultant only to learn this is normal. I thought "Really? Normal? To have milk in one breast! I have one giant breast....Great."  (Seriously it looks like I have an implant in just ONE).  Not only that but Liam clearly wasn't getting enough milk from the one with milk in it.  Poor guy had a night or two where he would just cry and cry until we realized he needed more food and made him a bottle of formula (Thank God for those samples that magically show up after you have a baby!)  I asked the consultant about my lack of supply and was told to pump 4-6 times per day for 10-15 minutes and take these "vitamins" 3-4 times per day.  Gosh those things are nasty!  Kind of a daunting task but I wasn't ready to throw in the breastfeeding towel (or burp-towel) just yet.  I'm unsure if my supply is up or not so far, Liam eats everything I pump everyday and usually still needs a few ounces of formula each night.  And before you say it yes I'm getting enough calories and water, I've been told this over and over by everyone I'm honest with about my breastfeeding challenges.

I didn't really think much about breastfeeding before I started, I meant to take a class or buy a book but never did.  I thought I had another week before Liam arrived so I never got around to either, whoops.  Perhaps I should have prepared more but I don't think it would change the things I'm going through since they are normal.  I've read up about the topic since Liam has arrived, when he's napping and I can't.

Part of me wishes I was one of those women who was just able to magically breastfeed for 6-12 months with not so much as a fore-thought but no surprise that it doesn't come easily for my body.  None the less I don't mind breastfeeding, I don't find it particularly bonding like some women say but I don't mind it.  Perhaps I don't find it bonding because I spend most of the time trying to keep Liam awake, little guy zonks out about 1/2 way through almost every time.  It is sweet though, he snuggles up to me and munches away, I wonder if I'll miss it when the time does come to move on (be that now or later). 

Anyway those are tales from breastfeeding-land thus far. 

Vanity....

For the record I think we are all a tiny bit vain, I mean if we weren't we wouldn't shower and get all cleaned up each day, right?

I'll admit I'm vain, I like to look nice!  I don't spend hours (or even a hour) fretting over my appearance but I do spend some effort on it and I have certain "rules" I live by....or did until I had a little guy relying on me and demanding much of my time and attention.  What are these "rules"?  I'd never leave the house in sweats or workout gear unless heading to the gym, same applies for going sans makeup or bra.  Simple right?  Well then I started breastfeeding and 99% of my bras suck (even the nursing ones).  And I still have some baby weight on so...yoga pants to the grocery store? Yes please!  Last night I spent some quality time with a dear friend going through some difficult times, after she left I had (HAD) to go to the grocery store...only problem?  Liam had a bit of a rough night the night before....here it was 7pm and I hadn't showered or put on my make up and I still had a sports bra on....OH WELL!  Off to the grocery store I went.  And ya know what?  I couldn't have cared less!  I'm a new momma, I have new priorities now and hey I did put on jeans and a t-shirt so not all was lost (and I brushed my teeth). 

It's just funny to me, I really didn't think I'd let these things go.  I still shower almost every day and still put on makeup even if I don't leave the house but some "rules" just don't apply anymore.  I'd rather spend the time with my little lovey, he's already growing so quickly!  (Yeah, he's 4 weeks old today! Yikes!)

3 Weeks Postpartum

Weighty Issues: I weighed myself the other day, even though I said I wouldn't for the first month and guess what! I've already lost 75% of my baby weight!!! I have around 10lbs left to go (all of which is in my tummy, oh well).  This is entirely due to breastfeeding, I take no credit at all!


Stretch Marks: Remember that tiny single one I found on the bottom of my belly?  In the final days of my pregnancy it brought friends to the party.  I have two small patches of short stretch marks on the bottom of my belly and three around my belly button.  Oh well.


Sleep:  Liam sleeps 3 hour stretches at night (and sometimes during the day) so I get some sleep at night.  I've learned I can do anything with 3 hours sleep and one hand! :)


Best Moment this week: All of the moments are pretty sweet, Liam is a great baby and even when he's fussy he's not that fussy.  I love when he smiles, even if they aren't "real" smiles yet.


Food:  Yum.  I love food.  Since I'm home I'm eating pretty healthy.  And let's face it, it's way too much work to load up Liam to run and get fast food so I eat a lot of yogurt and granola, fruit, trail mix, string cheese and try to make dinner most nights.


Clothes: I'm still wearing my maternity pants, mostly out of fear of trying to smoosh myself into my pre-preg pants.  I can wear my pre-preg shirts just not the smallest ones.


Labor signs: Almost all signs of labor are gone, meaning I'm mostly healed "down there".  I won't lie to you, I'm still bleeding on and off but I'm free of pain (from my internal tear, ouch).


Belly Button: Looks somewhat like it did before. I still have the line running from my breast to my southern region as well.


What I miss: Not having people asking about breastfeeding, seriously everyone is interested and has opinions....even men!  Yikes!  So if I answer you in a vague manner it means stop asking!


What I’m looking forward too: The next ten minutes, I so love the time with him, everything is special!


Weekly Wisdom: Don't set yourself up for disappointment.  I went into my labor with a "whatever happens, happens" attitude and I have no regrets from it even though it was so different than I hoped it would be.  Because I didn't have my heart set on things going on specific way I was able to accept how it went.  I have the same attitude about breastfeeding, I'll do it as long as I can and be ok with it.  There is no use in setting yourself up for disappointment then having to mourn the loss of your high hopes. :)


Weekly WTF:  None...yet...this week anyway! :)


Nesting: Being home all day I do nest, sort of.  I try to nap when Liam naps but I often find myself doing chores (dishes, laundry etc), half the reason is feeling productive the other half is so that V can half all the daddy love time possible.


Milestones: Liam is three weeks old and I'm starting to understand his schedule, not too bad!


Coming soon: newborn pics!


For more on the development of a Three Week Old Baby click HERE.

Freedom is never free...

Yikes, I almost forgot it's the Forth of July....wow, my brain is exhausted!  Remember to thank a solider and/or Veteran today...freedom is never free!

(Imgaine care of Google)

Picture Perfect

I think I only have one regret about my pregnancy, it's not doing maternity pictures.  You know the adorable formal, dress cute ones.  Sure I did the weekly "belly picture" but by the time I thought you "should" do the official ones I was to tired/big/uncomfortable (depending on the day).  Simply put I didn't put the effort forth and I regret it.

BUT long before Mr Liam "came into this world" I signed him up for newborn pictures with a great local photographer!  Last week I went and had them done with Kristine Paulsen and Liam did great!  Kristine was super amazing and worked so well with us (and my new mommy schedule)!  She even made time for us this passed Sunday so we could do a few family shots (we all know what a fan V is of having his picture taken, I found a way to convince him which will make more sense when you see the pics!).  I know I will one day look back on these photos and treasure them, heck I'll probably treasure them a week after having them in my hot little hands!

Stay tuned, I'll be sure to post some!

Hello July

Wow, July already!  I can't believe I've been a mom for 17 days, honestly it feels like he's always been here, always been part of "us", and perhaps he has...he existed in my heart and soul long before he existed in my belly (uterus).
Liam is an amazing baby, truly he is.  He's sweet and snuggly and only cries when something is wrong.  I still can't tell which cry is for what but luckily there are only 3 or 4 things that he cries over so it doesn't take long to figure it out.  He's even sleeping for 3 hour stretches 2-3 times each night which is bliss!  We are so in love with this little guy, it really redefines love...my love for my husband, my understanding of the love of my savior, love in every way....pretty incredible!
The weather is warming up, finally though that means the flood warnings etc will continue as the snow pack in the mountains finally melts. But at least it allows Liam and I to get out and go on some short walks. You have no idea how the simplest outing lifts your soul, it's darn near impossible (and overwhelming) to leave the house with a newborn alone...trust me I did it yesterday, it was crazy and exhausting even though Liam did amazing!  I have a new respect for single parents, I have no idea how they do it!

I can't believe I'm through two weeks of my maternity leave, it's going to go by far too fast.  I wish it were an option for me to stay home with Liam but unfortunately it's not.  The primary reason is we have great insurance through my work, V has the option for insurance but it would be over three times the cost of mine.  We are far better off with me returning to work and we are blessed to have a family friend who will watch Liam three days a week for almost free.  He'll be loved and cared for by some one we deeply trust and that is priceless, it's as close to me staying home as we could possibly get and I'm forever grateful for that.