Happy Halloween!

Waiting to greet the trick or treaters, I hope they like my costume!!

A Reassuring Dream

So the other night after my "the fear monster..." post I had the most real dream about our babe.  Actually the first one I thought was actually about our child.  I was at my upcoming ultrasound and unrealistically far along and they told me my baby is perfectly healthy and the gender (which I choose not to reveal).  Needless to say I believe that was God being like "hey Jen, I've got this under control, and really as long as baby is healthy, what else matters?!"  And it's so true.  Thousands and thousands of people have done with before us in worse situations.  V and I are smart and competent adults who love each other and wanted this baby.  No matter if I take unpaid maternity leave or start working a little earlier than idea from home, it will all work out. 

 

So after my reality check I'm just trying to take things day by day.  My magic pills (aka Zofran) are helping but I still get super tired super fast which can lead to nausea.  This afternoon V and I went out to do some errands for all of 2.5 hrs and I was wiped out.  I'm still learning to be less of a go-go-go girl but I think that will come with time.

 

So I think I'll do one of those fun posts I've seen other pregnant bloggers do, hope you don't mind if I just tag in on here.

 

• How far along; best guess is 7 weeks 2 days (hopefully the dr gives me some direction on this tomorrow)
• Stretch Marks: um way to early for that, although I got some of that Burt's Bees Belly stuff today for good measure
• Sleep: is interesting these days.  I get up A LOT to pee, we're talking at least twice a night
• Best Moment this week:  I turned to V and said "what if [insert scary thought here] happens."  Without missing a step he was totally reassuring and caring.  I love V but he's not always like this.  It meant the world to me
• Movement: none yet, while the babe might be moving about like crazy I won't feel him or her for a while.
• Food Commentary: O.M.GEEEE  I could write a book!  Food and I don't get a long right now.  I'm having major food aversions (Zofran only helps with nausea not aversions).  Right now cold cereal, soups of most kinds and breads are my friends.  Not the most well rounded diet but at this point I'll take what I can get....or force down.
• Labor Signs: God Forbid! it's far far far too early for that business!
• Belly Button In or Out:  So far still in, I get bloated at night and have a pouch under my belly button but it's not horrible.
• What I miss:  Hmmm  well food in general, but in all honest it's all worth it.  And hopefully the second trimester will be awesome so I refuse to complain!
• What I'm looking forward to: my ultrasound on Monday, seeing my babe shaped like a gummy bear, hearing the heart beat for the first time, and yes having a real due date!
• Weekly Wisdom: Two 1. Today I'm pregnant and doing all I can to give my babe the best shot at life that is all I can do 2. Thousands and thousands of people have done this therefor I can do this too!
• Weekly WTF:  Hmmmmm  (TMI WARNING)  WTF butt!  I say you have to poop yet I go and it on the toilet and push like no other and a m&m sized turd comes out!?!?!  Seriously let's team up and get things moving STAT!
• Nesting: nope, having really done much on that end.
• Milestones: getting Zofran and feeling much less like crap day and night, I feel like a new woman!

I hope you enjoy my candor and honesty!  I hope your Halloween weekend is fun!

The fear monster makes an apperiance at my work...

Apparently I’m more scared than I was willing to admit.


Yesterday one of my co-workers announced she is 10 weeks pregnant! How exciting, I am so happy for her and her family and at the idea of being on this journey with her! Our boss was so excited she cried a little, it was super sweet. However today is a new day and my boss felt obligated to tell her boss….about both of our pregnancies. First I am still super early; I don’t even have a real due date yet. I really didn’t want to tell anyone at work for several weeks, at least until after we told the rest of Vic’s family. I went in and spoke privately with my boss, I was passively trying to get her to not send the email, of course I would never ask her out right to do this, I understand her obligation but my fear was creeping up. I still haven’t had the “normal” ultrasound most women have at their first appointment, I still don’t really know when I am “due” and….I’m terrified to get bad news on Monday. As I spoke these things out loud to her I started to cry a little. I had not even told V how scared I can get. I wanted to walk about in my bliss of ignorance and just be oblivious and happy but truth be told I get scared at times, really scared. Even with all my “morning sickness” I’m so scared our baby isn’t growing. I know it’s fairly irrational but I can’t help it. And to that I’ve been at my job days less than three months and I’m roughly two months pregnant. They don’t know this baby was tried for and a true miracle so I’m sure I look a bit unprofessional, I fess up to that. I won’t qualify for any short term disability or maternity leave because my company has a policy that you must be employed a minimum of one year before using short term disability or maternity leave. By my best guess I’ll have this baby around my 11th month of employment. The best I can do is try to stay employed and store up all my paid time off between now and then. The worst part is during my first 6 months of employment here and my probationary period I am considered “employment at will status” which means my employer has the legal right to let me go at any time without reason with no legal repercussions. I’ve been reassured that my boss’ boss is a true family man and will be happy for me but the fear doesn’t subside, my boss asked him to keep this information confidential but will he? Will he really be happy for me and allow me to keep my employment here? Is my baby growing just fine?

I feel like there are so many unanswered questions and I’m so nervous. I’m doing my best to remain calm, I know this is all in God’s hands; he blessed us with this baby and will take care of us. Only four days until my ultrasound, I just pray I get good news that our baby is growing just fine. Thanks for letting me vent.

Shouldn't have said that to the Pharmacy person....

If that title doesn't get your attention nothing will!

My "morning" sickness is worse than ever, in fact it feels like it gets worse every day.  No I do not actually vomit but I am basically unable to eat anything at all.  I feel super nausiated in general then add in the mere thought of any kind of food and I feel like I will die.  Yesterday I stayed on the sofa almost the entire day literally, thankfully V took such good care of me, he even ran to the grocery store to get me bagels (the only food I can stomach). 
Today though I am super weak, my stomach is sore in general and I ate maybe 400-500 calories then I was driving to run a work errand and started crying in traffic because I felt so awful.  And that was my breaking point.  I called my dr and spoke to my nurse, she didn't even question me (Thank You LORD!) shortly I had an prescription to pick up of Zofran.  Also known as my new best friend.
Flash to the pharmacy 3 hours later, my prescription is not ready....and they are out of the kind that dissolve in your mouth.  I'm thinking "ok, listen I will take anything at this point, give me dog food and tell me it will make me better."  Luckily my issue is not pills, I can take my prenatal no problem it's just FOOD.  An important detail of my story is I am the only person at the pharmacy, I did not stand in line there was no wait.  I finally had to sit down while they figure this out.... thirty minutes, yes THIRTY MINUTES later they need my birth date...again....ok.  Then they need to see my insurance card again....sigh.  Finally forty-five minutes later I have 10 magic little pills that are said to ease my nausea.  HALLELUJAH! 
Oh wait you want me to have a consult with the lead pharmacist?!? Ok.....  So this little woman comes over  "how are you?" me "I've been worse."  her (with blank stare) "good, wait bad, wait......oh your newly pregnant?!?"  cue me rolling my eyes.....and saying "so is there anything you need to tell me about those pills I've been waiting like an hour for?"  She didn't seem too happy but I got my pills and I'm happy to say I took one on the way home from work, 3 hours later I've eaten a little dinner!  Could it be the pills, yes!  Could it be placebo effect, yes!  Do I care which is really is, no!  I'm so so beyond thankful to have a little food feeding me and the babmino! 
So long story short, try not to be a smart ass to the pharmacy people, they control the pills!!!  I hope you had a good laugh at my expense!  Only 6 more days to my third ultrasound and seeing the bambino!

Some Randoms

Sorry I've been a bit MIA lately, this week I was pretty sick ("morning" sickness).  I've learned how to deal with it, mostly with lots saltines and more sleep.  Our babe is worth every moment of nausea etc but it's caused me to be missing in action recently.  So what's been going on?  I'm hear to catch you up!

Overall things are good, V is pampering me quite a bit these days, this morning he did a bunch of chores around the house for me while I sat on the sofa.  Bliss!  V has been saying cute things that show me he's getting more and more excited, it's super cute.  Since we found out so early it sorta feels like we've been pregnant forever!  We have our third (yes THIRD) ultrasound on Nov 1 and hopefully we will see a little blob and hear a heartbeat.  At which point we are telling BIL and SIL, (hopefully they keep their mouths shut!)

Work is great, my boss is super understanding.  She's been traveling a lot, I think after the u/s in just over a week she will want me to do some day trips around the state with her. I'm ok with it, she is so great that I really don't mind.

Fall is officially here, actually the weather is getting much colder.  This week we have a few days where the high is less than 50 degrees.  Yikes!  I'm not ready for snow!  V and I are thinking about driving up to the family cabin for the last time this year.  The roads are really bad way up there and being so near the lake, well on the lake, I am just not cool enough to go up to the cabin in say January.  :)

I only have a friend or two in real life (aka outside of my blog buddies) that know about our little babe.  They have all been so wonderful!  Some of them are on here so I want to give a shout out to you, your calls, emails, thoughts, prayers and mini-hangouts mean the world to me!  But let me not forget my blog buddies!  You guys have been amazing too!  Your comments, thoughts and prayers and those of you I email with mean so very much to me!  I never thought I'd build such great friendships with people I met online but you have enriched my life so very much!  I heart you all!

Ok, well I've got myself all teary-eyed so it's time to get my rear off the sofa and shower.  Happy Saturday peeps!

My body is already no longer mine

Please note the following is merely a list of observations and not complaints, I vow to never complain about my pregnancy, ever, period.

So I am somewhere between 5-6 weeks, since my "morning" sickness has arrived I tend to lean more towards 6 weeks, I hear "morning" sickness arrives about week 6 so that is my basis for this guess.  Anyway my point is that it appears that my body is already no longer mine.  Here is a list of evidence to support my theory, enjoy!  (TMI warning)

1. I have completely lost the ability to go #2 at my own desire, now should the need suddenly arise to go #2 my heart (and body) are overjoyed and I could care less where I am (work, mall, in-laws house etc) as long as there is a toilet.
2. I would rather die than eat almost all of my favorite foods, even the thought of them makes my head spin in sickness.  In fact I went to the grocery store after work last night, that place is now my personal hell.  Please pray that V learns how to cook FAST!
3. I have to select my work attire based on how well my bra fits in the morning, and I immediately change my top when I get home from work because my chest hurts so much from the pressure of my bra.  Looks like I'll be getting new bras much sooner than I expected!
4. By the time bedtime rolls around (now between 7p-9:30pm at the latest)  I am so bloated I can hardly suck in my stomach.
5. When my head is not spinning from "morning" sickness all I want is Mexican food or cereal.  I started this post yesterday, now I want no food what-so-ever, I'm terribly nauseated 80% of the day.
6. I am most frequently sick in the afternoon and evening so the term "morning" sickness is totally B.S.
7. I consider daily how much trouble I could get in for "resting my eyes" in the last hour of my shift at work.
8. I had to remove my belly ring already. I know it sounds silly but I've had it for almost a decade and still really loved it but I worried I might actually forget later....yes my memory is going rapidly as well.

I hope I was able to give you a good laugh!

Guilana & Bill (the show)

Spoliers!

This season V and I started watching Guilana and Bill on Style Network, it's about Guilana on E! news and her husband's journey through infertility and life.  It's a cute little show, in the season premier they find out that their first attempt at IVF worked.  Last night we were watching episode #2 where the look for a house and are all excited and what not.  I had seen some interviews with them (and also the preview for the rest of the season) that reveals that they loose the baby at about 8 weeks.  Last night at V and I are watching it he comments on how happy they are and I say "yeah it's too bad they loose the baby."  he literally turns to me in shock and is like "what? that sucks."  I know what you are thinking, "and your point is?"  Allow me to explain, you have to interpret V, what he really meant was "oh my gosh, how very sad! wait that can happen?!?!"  We went on to talk about how they continue trying to have a baby etc.  The thing is I am glad V and I had this mini-talk, I think it opened his eyes in a real way as to why I still don't to share our info.  I think it solidified our choice to wait a little longer, it was actually super sweet, V proceeded to come over and talk to the baby through my belly button.  Makes me totally happy.  13 days until we can hear/see the heart beat!

This doesn't seem real!

So you may have noticed a few baby related items showing up around my blog ::points to ticker above:: that is still a big guess of my potential due date.  I must admit I'm still a little surprised I'm pregnant, blissfully surprised but still surprised.  I'm kinda afraid to celebrate but trust me my body keeps reminding me daily that I am indeed knocked up (sorry I think the term "knocked up" is funny!).  In 15 days I get to go back to the dr and see the heartbeat, I think that is when it will really set it. Then I'm sure I'll want to start sharing the news and celebrating! 

Right now I've only shared the good news with my bestie, my boss (I had to when the dr feared it could be a life threatening ectopic pregnancy) and my in-laws.  Can I be honest for a moment? Yes? Good!  I wish I wouldn't have told my in-laws yet.  At first it seemed like a good idea but then the dr was afraid my pregnancy was ectopic, now we know it's not ectopic but still I'm afraid to celebrate and share my news.  Unfortunately my in-laws (mom and dad in law) do not understand and want us to spread the news ASAP.  The thing is people have been "waiting" for us to have children for 2.5 years, once we tell people it will spread like wild fire, and we won't get to be the ones to spread it.  That makes me anxious and sad.  I want to share our news on our time.  Specifically Mom-in-law wants us to tell sister and brother in law, the problem is they are both really immature (at age 25 and 27 respectively) and total gossips.  Honestly, and this may sound horrible, but I could wait weeks and weeks to tell them after all our friends etc know and be happy.   I realize this is horrible because they are family and typically should get to hear first but they have not earned that right.  Unfortunately I won't get to wait weeks and weeks to tell them.  After a good long and calm talk last night V agreed with me that yes we will wait until after we hear the heartbeat but no longer, that we will tell them before others.  This was the common ground we could find between telling them right now and waiting weeks and weeks.  I'm hoping I can get them to understand how important it is to keep our pregnancy to just us family for a few weeks so that V and I can share the big news on Thanksgiving Day with the rest of the family and start telling our friends.  I guess I have to give sister and brother in law the chance to earn my trust, this will be their last chance.

Wish us luck?

Whew!

So at 1pm today V and I went off to my ultrasound appointment, I must admit as it got closer and closer I got more and more nervous.  Thankfully there was a gestational sac and the dr pointed out a "spot" that is our little babe growing right where he or she shoudl be!!!  I am so relieved!  Not only that the mystery fluid is gone!  He says it's still too early to give me a due date but that I am about 5 weeks!  I get to go back (with V) in another two weeks to see the heart beat! YAY!  I can tell V really loved being there, he even wants to come to the next appointment!
On a side note, before all this I totally thought I'd tell the whole world the moment I found out we are pregnant.  Now not so much, now I just want to keep our little babe secret to ourselves.  People have been "waiting" for us to have children since the moment we got married, so I know the moment we tell anyone the news will spread like wildfire.  I'm just not ready for that.  Maybe at Thanksgiving (I should be about 10 weeks then).
Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers they mean so much to me!

Thoughts & Prayers

Hi Peeps,
Well, I'm counting the hours (just over 15!) until my ultrasound.  I'm not afraid, I no longer fear my pregnancy is ectopic because I've yet to have any pain or bleeding.  Now I'm just praying my little miracle is growing right along in the proper area, that we can see him/her on the ultrasound and get a due date.  If, by chance, you have any good thoughts or prayers laying around I would greatly appreciate them!  I promise to report back tomorrow afternoon. 

Blog Challenge Day 26 My Worst Habit

This is easy, worry. 
I can worry myself into a tail-spin.  I've gotten better as I've aged, the last years of college were the worst (that will happen when you are putting yourself through).  Lately I've got a good grip on it, I still have my days when it takes over (the mornings I lay in bed alone because V left early to go hunting is the WORST).  I know what you are thinking, you have faith in God, what is there to worry about?  I know, I know, I'm a work in progress!

For good measure one of my all time favorite verses:  Matthew 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Blog Challenge Day 25 My Day in great detail

Hey Peeps,
Sorry I fell off the Blog Challenge Cart, so to speak, I'm sure you understand.  As best I can figure without doing much math I should be on day 25.  My day in great detail.  I'm afraid you will be bored to tears but here goes.

It's Sunday so:
V got up about 9am (very late for him) I relaxed in bed for about 15 mins without him, then got up
It was too late for us to get ready for church in time so we decided to spend some quality time just hanging out at home.  I ate some random things, banana, dry cereal and watched cartoons with V (don't know what they were V liked them, I thought they were weird, lol)
12:00pm V owes me a date night we went to a local Mexican place for lunch, he had beef burritos, I had chicken fajitas, so yummy!
1:30pm Date continues we saw "Life as we know it" SUPER CUTE!
3:45ish movie is over, we head to Target to get a gift for my friend's little girl who will be one this month.  I found a really cute sweater and picked up some fiber bars and fiber powder to mix in with my water (one of my first pregnancy symptoms, constipation, fun! LOL)
4:30pm we drove across town to pay rent (V's uncle is our landlord so we got to chat with him and his wife, we love them both very much)
5:00pm we grabbed milk so I can have cereal in the morning and head home.
We get home and watched random tv (V watched some National Geographic show about crystal caves in Mexico)
8:00pm we watched two new episodes of "Sister Wives" while we do not agree with their lifestyle we find it pretty interesting, odd but interesting if that is possible.
Now it's 9:20pm and I'm preparing for bed, it's been a really great day, nay weekend!  Yesterday I got my hair did (for the first time in like 5 months!) and just a few more days until our ultrasound!

Is that you snoring I hear because I bored you that much? Dang! Sorry!!! LOL! I hope you are well peeps!

A little good news!

I went and had my blood taken again with my bestie by my side.  Again Dr Wonderful (his new nickname) called and reported my beta numbers this evening....it doubled!  That is exactly what we were hoping for!  We aren't out of the woods yet, there is still a chance the baby is growing in my tube and we still don't know how far we are (all we know is I am super early) BUT I am still pregnant and that is huge for me! 
So I have to call in the morning and schedule my second ultrasound, this appt V will be attending!  Keep praying peeps!

Update about Dr Appt

Sorry I haven't written, V and I have had a lot to think about.  I'll try and keep this brief. So my appt was yesterday, per V's request I tested in the am and got a"PREGNANT", we were both shocked and so happy! I decided to go to the appt anyway since I had no idea how far I could be (it had been over 3 months since I had a period and was not charting). My Dr and the nurse were was super nice and excited and gave me another test to confirm, it was positive so he fired up the u/s and warned me we might not be able to see anything. I stared and stared at the screen in wonder.  He never did find the baby but found a lot of fluid, the size of a orange near my right ovary. Thank God my bestie came with me.  Basically he's worried it's ectopic. I had my beta done right away (it was 323 which the dr said was normal for being super early) and will have more blood work and probably a u/s tomorrow. Dr said to try and be hopeful, that this is a good sign because after all we did get pregnant but V and I are scared. I was told me to stay in town, no exercise etc and be prepared to head to ER at a moments notice.


If you have any spare prayers I'd greatly appreciate them. I'll try and keep you updated.

Tomorrow should be interesting.

Sorry I've been slacking on the 30 blog challenge, I'll get back to that shortly. 

Tomorrow is the day we start our fertility testing, I can't believe this day is here.  I never in a million years would have thought this would happen to us but it's just our journey so no reason in complaining.  Despite my tone I am excited, I'm ready and as hopeful as ever, I have full faith that God will provide us with a child to love!  V wants me to test in the am and I will, I just hate seeing those negatives (hopefully it will be our last!). 

So if you happen to have any spare prayers I would greatly appreciate them!

Day 10 Blog Challenge: A ten year old pic of you

Sorry my blog peeps, believe it or not I do not have any electronic files of pics of myself that old.  :(

Day 9 Blog Challenge A picuter I took

Apparently I am not so good at picking one of anything, so here are three pictures I took last summer.  V and I went to Crater Lake National Park in Oregon (I'll wait while you google it, it's worth it).

Here is a friend that really wanted V's PB& Jelly (he would just grab the netting on the pack and shake it so cute).  We never did feed him, oh and please note I did not use zoom, he was completely unafraid of me.

 Hiking down to take the tour of the lake and spend the afternoon on the island in the middle of the lake (not pictured)

 V doing what he loves most, fishing.  Gosh it was beautiful there!

Thanks for stopping by!  Happy Saturday!

Some Random Thoughts

Hi Blog Peeps,
So this Blog Challenge has had me distracted (mission accomplished!) so I thought I'd share some random thoughts I've had recently with you.

• My dr appt is Tuesday, not next Tuesday, or two weeks from Tuesday, but this TUESDAY!  I can hardly believe we are finally taking a real step towards getting pregnant/having a baby!
• I haven't taken my temp or charted anything in a FULL month, it's been pretty nice but let's face it I'll probably start again once the baby train is in full gear, which starts on Tuesday!
• I've already told you about how V has picked our a baby girl name, I was reviewing some of the boy names he likes and several of them had meanings related to Blessing/Blessed/To Bless (like my dream a few months ago).  Lord I pray this is some kind of sign!
• I think I need to stop watching shows like "Teen Mom" and "I'm Pregnant And..." just for a little while, to focus on the here and now.
• My boss has been so great to me, it's like everyday my decision to leave my old job is reinforced more and more.
• I'm really considering doing lowlights in stead of highlights (I told you these were random thoughts).
• and cutting bangs again!
• I love my yoga class more than I can explain, it's just a little time for me.
• between that and leaving my job I have almost no stress left, thank you Lord!
• HOLY CRAP it's OCTOBER!!!!!!