February 24, 2010

Fears and Hope

When V. and I agreed to get off birth control I had a few fears, here are the rational ones:
1. I would gain tons of weight (tons defined as above 15)
2. my face would become one large zit or worse just be completely covered in them
3. I would be a hormonal mess
4. My migraines would take over and be MUCH more frequent
5. that my period would never come back

So far most of my fears have not transpired into reality. I have not yet gained any weight (I gained a few pounds over the holidays but got rid of them fairly quickly so I don't count them). I have had a few zits here and there, they are bigger than they used to be, and more painful but they are not as bad as I worried. Hormones, I have them that is for use but they are not as bad as I worried. I would say I'm a bit more sensitive but I am by far happier and ah...well my desire has increased let's just say that ;) I am beyond happy to report that I have not had a single migraine since ending my birth control, I always believed the birth control caused them! And my period....well I haven't seen her yet this month. Yes I am a bit concerned but my doctor and her assistant say it is fine so I refuse to freak out.

Fear and lies are the only tool the devil has, he will make good use of them to hold us hostage if we let him. I refuse (REFUSE) to give up hope and be trapped by my fear.

I won't lie, some days I have little hope in my heart (concerning this whole baby thing). I get down and sad and I worry. But the truth is I have nothing to worry about yet, it can take months for my body to figure this whole thing out. Why should I expect her to understand overnight what I want her to do after a decade of birth control? Even on the worst days I still have some hope, and I cling to it. Right now that is all I need, some hope, just enough to get me by on the bad days because on the good days I am absolutely full of hope! Today is a good day!

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