Divorce

Today I received some shocking news, some friends of ours are staring divorce in the face.  V and I used to be closer to this couple but somehow we just grew apart over the years... I'm finding it difficult to even express what I'm feeling inside.  I know of very few people who are facing this, I have acquaintances that have gotten divorced, friends of friends but no one this close to us.  They are honestly one of the last couples I would have imagined this happening to, which in part means they have been struggling in silence and alone and that absolutely breaks my heart.  Even more worse is the fact that they have a child who is less than a year old.  I won't allow my mind to speculate as to what caused this because it's none of my business, if it were I would know.  My heart bleeds for them and cries out in prayers for them.

As usual no real point to this post, just trying to get some thoughts out of my head.

Take Your Judgement and Shove It!

Why is it that the moment you announce you are pregnant (or you start showing) is the exact moment people think they can openly judge you?  And why does this not stop when you have a newborn in your arms?

I was pretty self conscious about not being able to wear my wedding rings while pregnant (I was far too swollen).  Since Liam arrived I hardly care, I have much more important things on my mind, and I'm still slightly swollen.  I've noticed people treat me totally different if my ring finger is bare or if there is a cheap fake stone there.  This makes me want to puke or punch them depending on my hormone levels at the moment.  What is wrong with society?  Can't we support one another?  I'm clearly not a unwed 16 year old mom, but what if I was and I was in despite need of some support?!?!  Why judge one another, why now be supportive and understanding and reach out to one another?  Geeze just share a smile!

Another thing that bugs me is the people, usually strangers or people who only assume they know me, is forcing their opinions on me.  I had one person sending me these ridiculous online articles about natural birth and other related topics.  I hated that she assumed I had not educated myself and she outwardly told me she didn't think my dr had my best interest at heart.  She had never met him!  And she was sorely mistaken.  Her actions ruined whatever friendship we may have had.  All because she choose to judge me instead of being understanding and kind.

It could be in part my hormones but I'm so sick of people being judgemental, this is not our jobs!  So take your judgement and shove it!

ACK!

*points to ticker*  A week!?!? Already!?!?  Please someone stop the clock! 

That is all, carry on.

Trips to Labor and Delivery #2, #3, #4 (and a Brith Story!)

Sorry I've been missing Peeps, as you can tell by the title our little guy (aka Liam!) arrived....on his due date...here is his brief Birth Story.

Monday, June 13th I woke up all throughout the night with contractions.  Finally at 6:30am I couldn't take it anymore I decided to shower since V would be up in about 30 mins.  After he got up we started timing them, and they were about 4 minutes apart consistently so we called our bosses and headed to Labor and Delivery!  We were hooked up to the monitors and found that yes I was in early labor and having consistent contractions but now they were 5 mins apart I was only dilated to 1.5 but 80% effaced.  We headed home to labor.  V and I spent the day walking, I took several showers and tried to rest.  After about 12 hours my contractions were much stronger, I felt I couldn't just labor at home anymore so we went to back to Labor and Delivery, we were monitored again to find that I hadn't made any progress but yes my contractions were much stronger (literally off the chart).  My dr offered me pain medicine and to stay at the hospital or to take a sleeping pill and go home.  We took the pill, got food on the way home (now midnight) and tried to labor at home...again.  Our sweet nurse said that 4am was the "witching hour" and she'd see us again then.  I half rolled my eyes and half hoped she was right.

At home V tried to rest and I labored while resting on and off.  Unfortunately the sleeping pill made me hallucinate so I didn't get much rest (I do not recommend taking sleeping pills while laboring).  I took a nap here and there showered around 3am, by 4am I literally could not take it another moment and tearfully got V up to take me to Labor and Delivery again telling him I would not let them make us leave again without a baby!  It was the longest car ride of my life (we only live ~7 mins away).  I don't recall who called my bestie and V's parents but they met us at the hospital.  I was checked and at 4cm, finally active labor!  My dr was already there for an emergency c-section so he was in and out to check on me, I know I saw him but I don't remember it.  I quickly reached 8cm and couldn't do it anymore and asked for pain management.  I was given a shot of something until the anesthesiologist arrived....unfortunately he entered the room and announced "we might now have enough time", WHAT!?  I begged him, "you have to do something" I was given a "intertecral" or two hour epidural. 

Two hours later the baby wasn't handling labor well, I was on oxygen and my dr was handling another emergency....oh yeah and my pain meds were all but gone!  Things got intense fast.  At about 9:20am I begged our amazing nurse "Where is Dr Wonderful?!?!"  Out of the blue he, suddenly there were 3 more nurses and a table full of medical supplies at my side and I was told "Jen, this just became a race." and heard Dr Wonderful say something about "intervention".  I pushed as hard as I possibly could through three contractions and Liam was born 20 minutes from when I asked for Dr Wonderful!  9:56am, weighing 6.15lbs and 20 inches long....I started balling and thanking God immediately!  He didn't cry right away and wasn't placed on my chest because they were worried about him having muconimum in this amniotic fluid and they said my placenta had issues so placed him on a near by table to be checked while I delivered the placenta and V took pictures.  Our nurses and staff were amazing, finally hearing Liam cry was incredible.  I had a internal tear which is healing slowly but other than that both Liam and I are perfectly healthy.  He's a sweet and cuddly little guy who has completely changed our lives for the better. 

Proof that miracles happen!

I think back to this time last year when V and I were facing the reality of infertility testing and our fears of never having a child and now here we are, the wait was worth it no matter how hard.  Today V and I will celebrate his first Father's Day and it nothing could be more fitting!  V is so incredibly smitten it's amazing and makes me fall so much more in love with him hourly.

I'm off now for another nap, it's true you really do have to sleep when the baby sleeps!!  And with breastfeeding every two hours those naps are like gold!  Fun fact, less than 5% of babies are born on their due dates, neat huh?

Sorry if my writing is at it's all time low these days, I won't lie to you I'm exhausted but in the best possible way.  He's worth every moment of exhaustion.  It's been wonderful to see all the people who love him come visit and check on us.  You know who you are.

A Bit Relived.

I had my weekly appt on Tuesday, a full 39 weeks...hard to believe isn't it?  I went into the appt ready to get this show on the road.  But then I sat there waiting for my turn, like I do every week...my poor dr is always so busy I've never gotten in on time, which is fine with me, he's worth the wait.  As I'm sitting there little guy is wiggling as best he can in his confined quarters and it occurs to me this could be the last time I feel this and I was deeply saddened.  I'll be fully honest with you, I'm not sure V and I will [try to] have more children (and I'm certainly not sure that even if we want more we can have more)...I've tried hard to walk through each and every moment of my pregnancy with this thought in my foreground; "this could be the only shot I get at this, I'm going to make the best of it."  As a result I've been called the "happiest pregnant woman" by many people and suffered little criticism about my hormones.  I consider it a complement.  Wow I got off course, back to my point.  So I get into see Dr Wonderful and I've made no progress therefore no steps towards inducing will be taken for now.  Fair enough, I mean I get it the more progress I can make naturally the less likely it is I'll end up with a c-section.  (Dr Wonderful didn't seem nearly as worried about little guy's size this week still putting him at 7-7.5lbs.)  Sure I was disappointed, I'm ready to meet this little guy but at the same time I so love this special time with him.  I so love the attention V gives both of us, he's super affectionate lately and I'm happy to share that with little guy!  Plus I know they grow so fast!  The moment he's out he'll just start growing up, so today I sit here treasuring each moment, each wiggle.  It's funny that as I walked the stairs to Dr Wonderful's office I was praying for an induction and was I walked the stairs leaving I was relieved to not be getting one.  Funny how life works!

Our Weather....

This pretty well sums up our weather and the forecasted weather for the next week. Boo!

What has your weather been like?

Weird

As most of you know I'm on The Bump (ttc, pregnancy and more forum).  This morning I logged in and saw this (see pic below)...and my first thought was "weird!"  I can hardly believe I have seven days (ideally) left!!  Woah! 

Lovely Blogger Award!

I was just messing around online tonight when I saw that one of my favorite bloggers won an award, Casey over at align my heart, my body, my soul won The Lovely Blogger Award.  And she should!!  Casey is an amazing woman I count myself blessed to know and count among my friends, I'll wait while you go check her blog out....seriously go! :)  Then she was kind enough to pass the award on to me, Thanks Girl!!!

Criteria for accepting this award...

By accepting this award you promise to do the following:

1. Post linking back to the person that gave you the award

2. Share 7 random things about yourself

3. Award 15 recently discovered blogs.

4. Drop them a note and tell them about it.

Since I haven't shared one in awhile....38 weeks pregnant!

Seven Random Things about Me:

1. I really like my feet and always have, I think I have pretty toes!
2. I have 3, yes three birth-marks.  One is on the inside of one of my toes....lol!
3. My husband and I were engaged for 83 days (and planning a full wedding) when we just eloped, best decision ever!
4. I hate having long finger nails.  Just about when they start to look "pretty" they are too long and I chop them off!
5. I want another tattoo (I have two already), I think about it way more than even my husband knows!
6. I love clouds, there isn't a single day I don't look at them and think they are so pretty....my pictures never do them justice!
7. I watch UFC (Ultimate Fighter Campionship) with my husband and for the most part enjoy it, until the fights get bloody.

Now on to 15 blogs, yikes 15?  Do I even follow 15?!  Guess we'll have to see (I can't promise all of these are "new discoveries" tho!

1. Align my heart, my body, my mind  {Casey's journey through life and infertility towards motherhood and all that comes her way}
2. Life Among Mountains   {E Charlotte's beautiful blog about life among moutains}
3. Stephanie Cooks {Stephanie's cooking blog...yum!}
4. A Montana Life  { A dear friend's blog, she is always so upbeat, it's super refreshing!}
5. Rick & Melissa +1  {Melissa's journey through loss to mommyhood, it's incredibly touching!}
6. Gina's Skinny Recipes  {Gina's cooking blog, I have loved everything I've made of hers and it's a no brainer becaues it's healthy!}
7. Growing Up a NJ Wife {Natalie's funny blog about being a wife and new mom}
8. Woolypetals  {Kristen's crafty blog, if only I had 10% of her craftiness!}
9. Prayers for Mason {This little guy's journey is amazing...just read it!}
10. Truly Thompson {Mallory's marriage, and life blog...super cute!}

I fail, I only have ten that I follow (and that update frequently), does that mean my award gets taken away?  Sniff!

How about I link to some of my new followers!!!

1. And Then There Were Three {Meg is about to be a first time Mom!}
2. Quinn's Going to be a Big Brother! {Andrea is expecting her second child at almost the exact same time as me!}
3. Adventures in Randomness {Marlyn is about to be a first time Mom!}

Understanding the Waddle

Happy Monday Peeps!  I thought I'd start our week off with a funny revelation I had this morning!

This is my journey to understanding {Pregnancy} Waddling :)

It was a fairly typical morning around the 'ol house with V and I both preparing for work today, in our usual routine except I'm a bit sleep deprived, my body is preparing for baby by waking me every 1.5 hrs  (at most)  throughout the night to pee....I know this is for the best but today I'm pooped!  And I woke with a sore belly...in truth I'm not sure why it's sore, it feels....well....it just kinda hurts but little guy is wiggling about so I'm not concerned.  Perhaps I was having Braxton Hicks in the night?  Anyway I get up to shower, puffy feet and all and realize I'm waddling more than ever.  Now I can usually concentrate and not waddle but if I'm at home I usually let the waddle flow especially early in the morning. :)  Today was a prime example, you know you are waddling when even the dog moves our of your way!  Anyway the morning progresses and eventually I'm at work but still kinda waddling.  I actually thought to myself "ok Jen, enough with the waddling, you can do this!"  but it was kinda hard to stop so I took a moment while waddling from one end of our building to the other to access the root cause of my waddle: 
1.  Little guy is on top of my bladder these days a wider walk helps reduce the pressure, at least until I can get to the ladies room.
2. My bladder has the same retention ability as a chip monk, I'm not sure how this causes the waddle but I've noticed an increase in my waddling when I have to tinkle! 
3.  My belly is starting to drop (I think) that it's interfering with my ability to walk "correctly"
4. Exhaustion (enough said, yes?)
5. The faster I try to go the more I waddle, I'm absolutely certain this is hilarious of you are an on looker! 
6.The puffy feet, yes I blame them.  They hurt, not horribly but enough to be uncomfortable...thankfully my boss ok'd me to wear flip flops for the remainder of my pregnancy (I got nice ones so it's not like they are my Nike ones or something). 

I guess my point is that I thought (pre-pregnancy) that pregnant women waddled for attention, I mean I don't blame them!  Eat up all the attention you can, why not!  Nope, I was totally wrong it's totally physical, who would have thought, not me apparently!  :)

Little Guy's Under the Sea Theme Room

For the record I'll be so glad when he's here so I can just use his name!  :)  Anyway I thought I'd share a few pics of his room.  We did stain the wood around the closet but still have to put the doors on....just waiting on G'pa!




Changing table, three fish I painted.

 


Dresser, closet doors to be put on someday and more animals I painted.




Closet and Glider.  Eventually baby's name will hang in this corner near the turtle I painted.



Misc stuff, amazing jogger stroller in the corner!



Crib, Carseat (DH did the shark!)




Gives you a better idea of the bedding (bumper and toys have been removed!)



Comforter (this is where the theme started, I saw this and was in love!)

Disbelief

So last week at my dr appt Dr. Wonderful mentioned that he thinks little guy isn't exactly so little.  He did some pushing around and said he thinks little guy is already 7-7.5lbs.  Not huge but then Dr. Wonderful did some pushing around on my...ah....naughty bits (for lack of a better word) and also mentioned that he doesn't think I have a very big pelvis.  Ut oh.  Because I'm not progressing yet he's not ready to talk induction and said "everyone gets a shot at labor." which freaked me the he!! out!  This pregnancy sure has been a ride and I had sincerely hoped at least this part would be, dare I say, somewhat easy or "normal".  No one wants a c-section, well maybe some women do but I'm not among them.  I spent that evening with V doing most things we could think of to get little guy to make some down-ward progress including talking to him about it.  The next morning I was so mad at myself for that.  After all the early scares we had about losing little guy (before we knew he was indeed a guy) now I'm trying to get him to come before he's ready?! WTF self, wtf!?  Needless to say today I've changed my attitude.  I'm in disbelief we've even made it this far, that in no more than no two weeks, by whatever means necessary, I'll have a healthy baby boy in my arms.  I really need to be way more thankful that my body has done such a great job of keeping him in there and baking him.  So what if he's a bit bigger!  I'll figure out how to heal and deal with a c-section, it doesn't make me less of a woman or mother! 

Sorry that was a bit rambly, nothing unusual for me, just needed to get that out. Happy Saturday Peeps!

~2 Weeks Remaining

Weighty Issues: I'm done answering this question, not because I'm ashamed of the way I've treated my body or fed my son in the last ~9 months but because I'm swellling a lot and retaining a lot of water (my dr estimates over10lbs!). I refuse to report my weight each week knowing this because, yes it will hurt my feelings. So there you have it.

Stretch Marks: have not taken up residence on the belly [yet], the community of the on my boobies is expanding.....

Sleep: I learned that I feel better if I intentionally don't sleep too long so this weekend I made sure to only sleep an extra ~hour/morning and napped if needed, it was just enough and I felt pretty great all weekend, yay me!

Best Moment this week: Yesterday he was SO wiggly it was crazy and fun!  I can't belive he still has enough room to move as much as he was!

Food: The usual, salads, fruit etc.  I did have an amazing smoothie yesterday, may have to get another on the way home from the dr!

Clothes: Maternity, end of story....I mean really, who wears "normal" clothes at this point?!!?

Labor signs: I've had a few pains that left me standing there wondering if something was about to happen but nothing for sure....yet!  I had a really bad pain in my southern parts in front of my hubby and bestie over the weekend, it was kinda funny [in retrospect] because it hurt so bad I couldn't help but let out a "OUUUUCH!!!!" they both just stopped and looked me, lol!  I was like "sorry, carry on." :)

Belly Button: Oh my gosh it's SO out, it actually does hurt, it's ready to retreat!

What I miss: A couple things but the remaining days of my pregnancy are so few that I can deal.

What I’m looking forward too: His BIRTHday. I want so much to see what he looks like, hear his little cry, hold him, see his daddy hold him.

Weekly Wisdom: I'm sticking with my favorite "everyday is a miracle, treat it that way!"

Weekly WTF: WTF hormones, seriously chill!

Nesting: I'm over nesting, I do re-organize little guys room frequently.....LOL!

Milestones: At this point all little guy has to do is sit back and gain weight! He is about 6.8 lbs and 19.5 inches according to my book!

For more on the development of a FULL TERM 38 week old baby click HERE.