August 7, 2010

People's Tack Less Remarks

V. has some extended family staying at the in-law's house, as best I can figure it's his aunt, her two grandchildren, a great aunt and uncle, and another aunt and uncle, grandparents and a couple I can't place within the family. In all fairness V's family is HUGE, seriously, just when I get a good grip on who is who more of them pop out of the woodwork.

I was dreading having to meet these new people, it always happens "how long have you been married? And no children yet?!?!" I didn't tell V though, he deserves to see these people, I will never stop him from seeing them, so we headed out for dinner at mom and dad in law's last night, sister-in-law is in town oh joy, sarcasm intended. She and I do not get a long, she's immature and self centered but that is a story for another time.

At some point during dinner I saw dad-in-law admiring his sister's grand-children, I could literally see the longing on his face for grand-children, not an easy thing to see, I'm sure he didn't mean to show it on his face but I saw it and it was difficult for me. Anyway I am getting to know V's aunt, she seems stuck up...commenting on someone who was recently saved wearing their cowboy hat to church and should have known better, all I could think was "Really, shouldn't you be happy this person just accepted Jesus and not care about a stupid hat!?" Shortly after dinner, I was left with all the women and the men went out on the front porch to discuss hunting and whatever else men talk about while their wives are away from earshot. V was playing with the kids, a little boy about 3 or 4 and a little girl no older than 6. His face was all lite up, you could hear him and the kids giggling through the open windows. And it happened, "So how long have you been married?" me: Sigh. "And don't most of your friends have children?" me: Sigh. I'm not sure how the question was posed but someone asked something like "When are you going to give V children?" I used my canned response of "ask Jesus." I like that response, it will shut most people up but it's not overly rude, it's just enough to say "none of your business". The woman I can't place in the family sat next to me and quietly said "You know, it took us seven years. We were filling out adoption papers when we got pregnant for the first time." I made sure to not say "Really?!?!" but instead choose "yeah, it just doesn't happen quickly for everyone but it always happens in God's time." She smiled with understanding. Mom-in-law tried to move the conversation away from the topic but it always returns there, in a joking and teasing and often painful way. I wish they knew if I could have a baby in my belly today, if I could have one in my arms right now I would but it's beyond my control. All I can do is remain hopeful and rely on God, it's all up to him....and not me.

I wish people would be more considerate when they question why couple's don't have children, and really I wish no one would ever question a couple about having children. I mean really? Why would you ask anyway, even if they don't want children, it's none of your business. People can be so tack less and their words so painful.

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