Well this month I have the widest yet of "phantom symptoms" meaning they may just all be in my head. I am exhausted, utterly exhausted. I feel barfy and my head really hurts, add to that my sense of smell being through the roof (this is standard for me) and yep I have yet again convinced myself I'm pregnant. Aunt flow is "scheduled" to arrive on Saturday and I'm hoping I can hold out and test on Wednesday or Friday but we all know how great I am at waiting....yes I suck at it. I still feel hopeful, then again I have every month until I take the stupid pee test and the one line reminds me that no, there is in deed no little baby in your uterus. It hurts, I didn't know I would be so saddened by the sight of the single line but I hate it. I want so much to see that second line and have my heart (and eyes) overflow, to have the hopes and dreams of a little one burst into reality. I want to run screaming from the bathroom to V. and yell "you are gonna be a DADDY!" Now I do not want to take a test at all, I still want to put my head on my desk and give in to the exhaustion I feel, but I don't want to loose this hopeful feeling I have going on. I don't want the sadness to come and the waiting to continue.
Please Lord, if it is your will, please-please-please let the next test I take be positive.