April 1, 2010

Phantom Symptoms

Well this month I have the widest yet of "phantom symptoms" meaning they may just all be in my head. I am exhausted, utterly exhausted. I feel barfy and my head really hurts, add to that my sense of smell being through the roof (this is standard for me) and yep I have yet again convinced myself I'm pregnant. Aunt flow is "scheduled" to arrive on Saturday and I'm hoping I can hold out and test on Wednesday or Friday but we all know how great I am at waiting....yes I suck at it. I still feel hopeful, then again I have every month until I take the stupid pee test and the one line reminds me that no, there is in deed no little baby in your uterus. It hurts, I didn't know I would be so saddened by the sight of the single line but I hate it. I want so much to see that second line and have my heart (and eyes) overflow, to have the hopes and dreams of a little one burst into reality. I want to run screaming from the bathroom to V. and yell "you are gonna be a DADDY!" Now I do not want to take a test at all, I still want to put my head on my desk and give in to the exhaustion I feel, but I don't want to loose this hopeful feeling I have going on. I don't want the sadness to come and the waiting to continue.
Please Lord, if it is your will, please-please-please let the next test I take be positive.

1 comment:

  1. I will be hoping and praying with you! I hope you do not get too discouraged if your test comes up with only one line. Try to be optimistic and remind yourself that it wasn't the right time. Think about all you are learning while you're waiting too! You are educating yourself every day about mommy-hood and pregnancy, so when those two lines finally pop up, you'll be that much more prepared! :) Love you so much!