Please excuse the following wallow in self pity.
Today is cycle day 59 with nothing, not so much as a single spot. My cycles keep getting longer and longer (cycle 1=35 days, cycle 2=42, now I'm at 59 days). I'm really scared. Really scared. I'm so afraid my worst nightmare is coming true....can I have children? Heck not even childREN (plural), I will take just one....just one pregnancy, just one child....that is all I ask. I hate not knowing.
You might think I'm a jerk, after all we've only been trying 4 months. However when I was 17 I had wacky cycles (mostly really heavy periods), my doctor at the time was a wacko herself, but she told me I may have PCOS and put me on birth control to deal with my periods. I spent the last 10 years seeking out all the info in the world to convince myself I don't have it. Flash forward 10 years to December 2009: I saw my current doctor, she said she felt I probably didn't have it since I don't exhibit any symptoms (clearly since I had been on birth control for 10 years we didn't know about my cycles). Now here I sit after nearly 2 months without so much as a spot (not to mention that my last two cycles were moderate spotting at best, yes I spoke to the dr on this she said that was fine.)
Add to that, this morning I was checking my facebook and a dear friend is pregnant with baby #2 (baby #1 was conceived on their first cycle and is only 6 months old). I am a sad, useless mess!
Add to that I have "advice" coming at me from all sides and none of it is the same. I'm trying to hard to take this whole journey one day and one step at a time but I suck at it. I don't want to wait another 30 days to see if my period shows, what if that is what happens to me for the next year? So I'll have 4 chances this year of getting pregnant?!!? I just want to bawl my eyes out.