May 26, 2010

Waiting, Praying & Breathing

I’m kinda in this weird mental state today. I called the dr. yesterday to let them know it’s been just shy of 90 days with no period and a negative pregnancy test. I got a call back and was told they want to run some blood tests, specifically for my thyroid, and they wanted me to come in within the next 3 hours. I called my mom-in-law, and V. to let them know, told my bff E., sent out a text to two friends and a email to my pastor-friend and shot up some personal “this is in your hands, your will be done.” Prayers and before I knew it, it was time to head off to the dr. Yes I went alone, perhaps to my own detriment, I’m very independent, and really I can get my blood drawn all by myself, other appointments I’m sure I’ll need the support of my beloved V. or someone else but this I could handle. While walking from the dr to the lab, I read the lab slip: Tests for :Thyroid (TSH) and prolactin (Prolactin issues create issues with ovulation.) Also noted on the sheet was to Dx (diagnosis): amenorrhea…..not ovulating. *sigh* I’m not sure why but I was a little shocked to see it written there.

I’m glad to be moving forward, and hopefully obtaining some answers but I’m also scared. First and foremost I do not want to step in front of God and his plans for us. I believe and know that miracles can and absolutely do happen. I fully believe that God not only hears the desires of V. and my heart but will fulfill them, in his time and his way. The human part of me is praying it’s as simple as taking a pill, perhaps to balance a simple hormone imbalance and resort ovulation. I must tread carefully because I know our insurance doesn’t cover any fertility treatments so we’ll likely be paying for all of it out of pocket. I will fully admit to hoping online and reading about thyroid issues, I fit several of the criteria for hypothyroidism, not that I am a dr by any stretch of the imagination.

This is intense but I’m glad something is finally happening, yet at the same time we have only been trying for 6 months, I’m so torn with my emotions. I find a lot of comfort in the book I’m reading “the perfect hormone balance for fertility” while most of it talks about eating organically and balanced, I love the parts that address hormones and how they affect you and what treatments you may or may not need. I have found it to be very middle of the road, while promoting healthy living it also addresses the potential need for medical treatments. The good news is I eat well already, I work out, I have a very healthy BMI and am a active individual. I will be adapting some more changes, not exclusively for fertility but overall health. I am also seeking a yoga class, I know the relaxation will benefit me greatly.

I’m still doing the “one day and one step at a time.” And fully intend to continue it that way; get info, pray and seek God’s will, decide and then act. I will not shoot from the hip so to speak. First we have to find out what is going on with my body.
And right at this moment I’m just waiting, praying and focusing on breathing.

1 comment:

  1. Thinking about you and sending prayers your way. Hang in there! You can do this with God by yourside. Kit