I'm not pregnant. I know, I know it's only the first month but I'm still sad. I've taken several tests, because I've only spotted since my last full period almost 8 weeks ago. Every single test was glaringly negative. I guess it's better that they are clearly negative rather than giving me a glimmer of hope.
I'm a realistic woman, I realize it could take us up to a year to get pregnant, and further more that it might take professional help for that to happen for us. But as the days pass the desire for a baby of my own grows and grows. The other day a one of the women in my company came into our office to officially terminate her position and become a stay at home mom and I got to hold her 7 week old little girl. I was in heaven, I couldn't help but look at my reflection holding her. It's funny to me that a little more than 6 months ago I would have said it would be another year or so before we even thought about having children. Life can change so quickly! It's been really fun to watch V. get excited and say sweet things, he's so supportive and wonderful. He has even already selected a baby name if it's a girl (when we do get pregnant). It melts my heart just thinking about the day I will tell our child "your daddy named you before you were even in my belly." (I won't share it just yet.) He is going to be an amazing father!
I'm working hard to stay positive, so far there is no evidence that we can't have children on our own. I keep reminding myself of my favorite verse Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the substance of things hoped for and evidence of things not [yet] seen." I glance down at a beat up old ring I've worn for about 5 years, it's actually the second one I've had. I started wearing it on my left ring finger when I knew V. was the one and moved it to my right hand ring finger after we were married. It reads on the inside "I will wait for..." and on the outside it reads "my beloved". That is exactly what I will do, I will wait on the Lord to provide me with my beloved baby.