On Monday I took a much needed (and deserved) day off to spend with Liam. I intentionally didn't make plans with friends, I just wanted some Liam time and it was wonderful! He slept in so I got an extra hour and half of sleep which was amazing (fellow Mommas, can I get an amen?). Before he rose I popped out of bed and made us some scrambled eggs and cut up fresh fruit. V got Liam up just before he had to head to work.
Liam and I spent the morning just playing and reading, it was glorious! However, after a weekend spent mostly at home I could tell he wanted to get out of the house. How did I know this you ask, because he wouldn't stop bringing me his coat and shoes! Little stinker! I got the hint, I popped him in his crib with a few toys while I took a very short shower and threw my wet hair in a ponytail. I dressed both of us and off we went! Our mall has a play area for smaller kids (under 5-6) which on the weekends is so over run with older (and unruly) children Liam never wants to go near it. I knew on a quiet Monday morning it would be heaven, with coffee in hand it was confirmed! I should have brought the camera (because I'm too cheap to pay for data I don't own a "smart" phone), the pictures would have been awesome but enjoying the time was amazing! Liam ran around with another little boy his age, up the stairs and down the little slide a million times! We stayed there until Liam was super tired then it was home for lunch and nap!
V's mom gets off really early on Mondays, she came over after work so I could run off for a bloodwork appointment. I was not excited, I thought up every excuse in the book to not good and secretly hoped MIL would cancel. She did not. I arrived at the lab and after checking in was greeted by a familiar nurse. Who am I kidding they are all familiar at this point! LOL! The whole process was simple and quick but I was nervous enough that I was sweating like mad...gross and annoying but thankfully I don't think it was obvious. I asked her if my dr would have the results today, she replied Oh yeah but you know doctor's you won't hear from them until tomorrow or Weds. I smiled and said Okay but she recalled my story from previous visits and offered to call me with my platelet number later. Let me just say right here I know that technically she should not have done this and it's not in her job to deliver what could have been very bad results BUT she offered so I gladly accepted.
Three hours later I was home just cleaning up after dinner assuming the nurse had either forgotten or my results weren't good and she decided against it when my phone rang. Hi, Jen? This is Nurse X. Your numbers are low but really good for you, your at 126k! Congrats! I thanked her about 11 times before letting her go, with teary eyes I told V. Hugs all around!
A little recap: (Normal: 150k+)
Diagnosis: Sept 2011: 10k
Sept/Oct 2011: Treated with Predniose, I responded well but after coming off my #s steadily went down
April 2012: 90k (per my hematologist < 80k=dangerous/treatment needed)
Remission: Aug 2012: 300k
No Remission for Me: Nov 2012: 115k
This month: Feb 2013: 126k
So it appears that I do indeed have a chronic case of ITP which I will have to monitor for the rest of my life, the good news is that my body is currently holding it's on. I'm in a place where my internal medicine dr is fine monitoring me and I can proceed with confidence in my Half Marathon training! God is so good and faithful when we give things up to him, he has provided for me and I couldn't be more thankful.!
February 15, 2013
February 8, 2013
In Other News: Time to Start Training
This week I had a horrible nightmare about my upcoming Half Marathon in Portland on May 19th. Essentially everything went wrong in the most bazaar ways. I woke up with my heart pounding and feeling as though I had not slept a wink. Maybe my brain knew training way coming?
This morning I received an email the the course route had been revealed. Not a huge deal since I live out of state, it's not like I can train on the course but it is nice to know. It looks like it will be beautiful! Then I got to thinking, I threw out my old training plan but had written a good guideline in my planner at work, How many weeks do I have before I need to get on it? None, well this week. Training officially, and gradually, starts next week. Holy Moly! Reality set in big time! My boss is doing several races so we chatted about how nervous we are, it's nice to have her to bounce ideas off of.
The moral of the story; I'm not too worried. I can go out today and do 5 miles with relative ease (my current pace is: 11:36-11:00). I'm about 40% of the way there, not too shabby. Don't get me wrong I will have to work for the other 8.1 miles but I feel like I can do this. I've been cross-training , Hello Bodycombat, which I believe is helping immensely. And having done my first race under a year ago I feel like I have a good grasp on my body (what it needs, what helps etc).
Who else is doing a race soon? How are you feeling?
-Jen
This morning I received an email the the course route had been revealed. Not a huge deal since I live out of state, it's not like I can train on the course but it is nice to know. It looks like it will be beautiful! Then I got to thinking, I threw out my old training plan but had written a good guideline in my planner at work, How many weeks do I have before I need to get on it? None, well this week. Training officially, and gradually, starts next week. Holy Moly! Reality set in big time! My boss is doing several races so we chatted about how nervous we are, it's nice to have her to bounce ideas off of.
The moral of the story; I'm not too worried. I can go out today and do 5 miles with relative ease (my current pace is: 11:36-11:00). I'm about 40% of the way there, not too shabby. Don't get me wrong I will have to work for the other 8.1 miles but I feel like I can do this. I've been cross-training , Hello Bodycombat, which I believe is helping immensely. And having done my first race under a year ago I feel like I have a good grasp on my body (what it needs, what helps etc).
Who else is doing a race soon? How are you feeling?
-Jen
Happy Things
If you've read my blog for a while you know that every so often I write a random little note about things that make me happy, it's silly and just all around fun for me. Read if you'd like, and copy if you so feel inclined...I'd love to see what everyone else finds simple pleasure in.
In no specific order:
Graham Crackers with Peanut Butter:
Liam was eating this over the weekend and I decided to steal a bite; oh my gosh, YUM! Lately we've been sharing this snack, lol!
A Bargain:
I went wondering the mall with a co-worker last week over lunch and found adorable heels 75% the sale price. Super cute (and comfy) heels for $6.25?! Yes please!
Liam's Personality:
It's been shining through more each day, he's in a really sweet phase where he'll randomly hug me 100 times a day, I happily take each hug! Also he'll press his face to my cheek if I ask for a kiss....I also do this 100 times a day. Lastly over the weekend he started saying "rawr" if we ask him if he's a dinosaur. Cutest. Thing. EVER!
Coconut Coffee Creamer:
I've always been a full fat creamer kind of girl, even when counting my calories. Two tablespoons of my Coconut flavored creamer is more than enough to sweeten up my two cups of morning Joe and thetotal ~100 calories are well worth it to me!
I've always loved music, when I was single or in the pre-Liam days I'd start first thing in the morning I'd turn it on and UP! Our current home (rental) makes a sardine can look roomy so I don't get to listen to music as often as I would like (24/7) without disrupting Liam's sleep (big no-no to this Momma). Thankfully Liam loves music like his Momma so we "sing" in the car going to and from daycare each morning and before Dadda gets home we put the music channel on our TV and dance. (Dadda loves tv so when he's home it's on his nonsense shows.) It warms my heat when Liam wants to dance with me!
Spring:
She is a comin'! The last two Sundays I've been able to get out and run in the great outdoors! I leave out our front door, run down to the trail along the river and back and get a good 5 miles in within 1 hour (while Liam is napping, double score for this Momma!). 40* plus tunes cranked way up in one earphone and getting my run on equals one very happy lady!
Last but not least a good quote:
Much Love,
Jen
In no specific order:
 |
| Thanks Google Images |
Liam was eating this over the weekend and I decided to steal a bite; oh my gosh, YUM! Lately we've been sharing this snack, lol!
 | ||
| Yep that's the shoe but in Mustard Yellow! |
A Bargain:
I went wondering the mall with a co-worker last week over lunch and found adorable heels 75% the sale price. Super cute (and comfy) heels for $6.25?! Yes please!
 |
| Google Images |
Liam's Personality:
It's been shining through more each day, he's in a really sweet phase where he'll randomly hug me 100 times a day, I happily take each hug! Also he'll press his face to my cheek if I ask for a kiss....I also do this 100 times a day. Lastly over the weekend he started saying "rawr" if we ask him if he's a dinosaur. Cutest. Thing. EVER!
Coconut Coffee Creamer:
I've always been a full fat creamer kind of girl, even when counting my calories. Two tablespoons of my Coconut flavored creamer is more than enough to sweeten up my two cups of morning Joe and thetotal ~100 calories are well worth it to me!
I've always loved music, when I was single or in the pre-Liam days I'd start first thing in the morning I'd turn it on and UP! Our current home (rental) makes a sardine can look roomy so I don't get to listen to music as often as I would like (24/7) without disrupting Liam's sleep (big no-no to this Momma). Thankfully Liam loves music like his Momma so we "sing" in the car going to and from daycare each morning and before Dadda gets home we put the music channel on our TV and dance. (Dadda loves tv so when he's home it's on his  |
| My home, be jealous ;) |
She is a comin'! The last two Sundays I've been able to get out and run in the great outdoors! I leave out our front door, run down to the trail along the river and back and get a good 5 miles in within 1 hour (while Liam is napping, double score for this Momma!). 40* plus tunes cranked way up in one earphone and getting my run on equals one very happy lady!
Last but not least a good quote:
Much Love,
Jen
February 1, 2013
The Thoughts in My Head
I've writen, edited, deleted and re-writen this post more times than I care to admit. It's time to just give in and publish it.
-Jen
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You know the kind, the ones that only surface when you are tired and don't have the energy to keep them at bay or during your dreams when you're not totally in control. The kind that pop into your head suddenly at 3am and keep you awake when you are desperate for sleep. Yeah those kind.
I've been avoiding the fact that I had routine blood work done in November, I wanted to establish care with a standard 'ol internal medicine doctor and have my cholesterol checked for good measure. We discussed my interesting health history (including diagnosis and remission of my ITP) and it was decided to check my platelets for good measure. I was told if everything were fine I'd receive a letter in the mail with a breakdown of my blood work. Instead I received a call. I'm no longer in remission. After just three short months my platelets have gone down by more than 50% and are were below normal, but not at a dangerous level. Right now my internal med dr is ok with monitoring me again in a few months, depending on that result I'll have to find a hematologist (I can no longer be treated by Dr T due to my lovely insurance). I'll be checked again in around 60 days as I'm planning another Half Marathon. The time has come to have my numbers checked so it will be in the next three weeks as I'm about to start training for my second half marathon.
This news was a blow, obviously not as bad as last time but a blow none the less. I told only a couple friends and waited to tell V because his uncle was in the hospital, he had a heart and was still being monitored. I needed V's uncle to be a little better before I could burden V with this news. After a few days uncle was released and Thanksgiving had passed so I brought it up to V, he handles things differently than most people (I think), and often times I have to tell him exactly what I need from him because he follows my lead (if I'm freaked out he freaks out, I'm typically his rock). So in this instance where I was sad and a little freaked out, I needed him to be my rock. Initially he got kinda defensive which hurt. I had to explain to him that I'm not as freaked out as last time and that this will not determine how I live my life but I am sad and I should be allowed that. Once he understood where I was coming from he was supportive again. It was strange this time around, I didn't want to hear all the puppies-and-rainbow business, I just wanted to be sad for a moment. I'm really relating to Christina on Parenthood right now though her diagnosis is clearly much worse than mine.
The holidays were nice, they allowed me to been to push all this to the back of my mind and just sort of be on auto pilot about it all. I reminded myself that I don't look sick and I don't feel sick, I can still have a relatively normal life and best of all it's not genetic so Liam has no greater chance of having it than I did. With "the holidays" long gone it's not been as easy to stay busy and a little fear has crept back into my mind. I've started having nightmares about returning to the Cancer Specialists office for treatments but this time it's the treatments I've feared this whole time. I have dreams that Dr T is disappointed that I'm not well, as if I've done something to make this return. I find myself thinking about the strangest details of it all at the strangest times. I realize this is all just the junk in the back of my mind making it's way forward when I have little control, you know because I'm sleeping (or at least trying to).
I'm still working out, about to start training plan for my next half marathon. I'm still doing bodycombat for cross training. I'm still being me and being a wife and mom, still enjoying life. I refuse to let this define me, I'm just sad that it's even still a part of me, I'm sad I have to accept its back in again. I have to adjust to the fact that I have a chronic disease for the rest of my life...again and that is going to take some work. I feel like I'm sort of back at square one, maybe square three or five but back towards the beginning of this whole thing and that is disappointing.
-Jen
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You know the kind, the ones that only surface when you are tired and don't have the energy to keep them at bay or during your dreams when you're not totally in control. The kind that pop into your head suddenly at 3am and keep you awake when you are desperate for sleep. Yeah those kind.
I've been avoiding the fact that I had routine blood work done in November, I wanted to establish care with a standard 'ol internal medicine doctor and have my cholesterol checked for good measure. We discussed my interesting health history (including diagnosis and remission of my ITP) and it was decided to check my platelets for good measure. I was told if everything were fine I'd receive a letter in the mail with a breakdown of my blood work. Instead I received a call. I'm no longer in remission. After just three short months my platelets have gone down by more than 50% and are were below normal, but not at a dangerous level. Right now my internal med dr is ok with monitoring me again in a few months, depending on that result I'll have to find a hematologist (I can no longer be treated by Dr T due to my lovely insurance).
This news was a blow, obviously not as bad as last time but a blow none the less. I told only a couple friends and waited to tell V because his uncle was in the hospital, he had a heart and was still being monitored. I needed V's uncle to be a little better before I could burden V with this news. After a few days uncle was released and Thanksgiving had passed so I brought it up to V, he handles things differently than most people (I think), and often times I have to tell him exactly what I need from him because he follows my lead (if I'm freaked out he freaks out, I'm typically his rock). So in this instance where I was sad and a little freaked out, I needed him to be my rock. Initially he got kinda defensive which hurt. I had to explain to him that I'm not as freaked out as last time and that this will not determine how I live my life but I am sad and I should be allowed that. Once he understood where I was coming from he was supportive again. It was strange this time around, I didn't want to hear all the puppies-and-rainbow business, I just wanted to be sad for a moment. I'm really relating to Christina on Parenthood right now though her diagnosis is clearly much worse than mine.
The holidays were nice, they allowed me to been to push all this to the back of my mind and just sort of be on auto pilot about it all. I reminded myself that I don't look sick and I don't feel sick, I can still have a relatively normal life and best of all it's not genetic so Liam has no greater chance of having it than I did. With "the holidays" long gone it's not been as easy to stay busy and a little fear has crept back into my mind. I've started having nightmares about returning to the Cancer Specialists office for treatments but this time it's the treatments I've feared this whole time. I have dreams that Dr T is disappointed that I'm not well, as if I've done something to make this return. I find myself thinking about the strangest details of it all at the strangest times. I realize this is all just the junk in the back of my mind making it's way forward when I have little control, you know because I'm sleeping (or at least trying to).
I'm still working out, about to start training plan for my next half marathon. I'm still doing bodycombat for cross training. I'm still being me and being a wife and mom, still enjoying life. I refuse to let this define me, I'm just sad that it's even still a part of me, I'm sad I have to accept its back in again. I have to adjust to the fact that I have a chronic disease for the rest of my life...again and that is going to take some work. I feel like I'm sort of back at square one, maybe square three or five but back towards the beginning of this whole thing and that is disappointing.
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