It's currently 1:18p  on the very last day of 2012, the hubby is out running errands and kiddo is 1hr into his nap which is typically 3hrs long.  I'm just chillin' here in the sweet silence enjoying all that this year has been, it's been a little bit of a wild ride but I'm thankful for it....all those crazy moments (both good and not so good) contribute to who I am and I'm darn proud of the woman (wife and mother) I've become.  God is so good.
I hope each of you (all four of you, lol) have a fantastic and safe celebration tonight.  As for us, we'll be safe at home with take out and a movie.  Here's to a wonderful 2013!


Much Love,
Jen

Running in the Cold

If you knew me in real life you would know I'm not a big fan of winter.  I don't snowboard, ski etc because I don't like to be cold and don't warm up quickly.  Too bad I've spent almost my entire life in the pacific northwest eh?

Anyway I wanted to toot my own horn today.  I've been working out at the gym for a few months since the cold weather hit our area, even running a few miles a couple times a week on the treadmill (which is similar to Chinese water torture if you ask me!).  This morning Liam slept in and I couldn't pry myself out of bed in time to make it to my bodycombat class that I've been loving so much.  The three of us just enjoyed a lovely lazy Saturday morning and before we knew it Liam needed a nap, aka workout time for Momma.

After Liam went down I went back and forth on what to do for my workout, I'd missed all the classes and really only wanted cardio since I can still get strength workouts in later this weekend.  I kept checking the weather channel, ugh below 30*.  Finally I just got dressed and even posted a facebook status "too bad I'm not hardcore enough to run outside in the cold, off to the gym I go".  I went outside to get my car out of the garage...hmmm it's not too bad out here.   I got the car our and went back inside to change.  V had gotten me a base layer for Christmas and I already had warm pants, gloves and a hat...I'll just go a little ways and see how it feels.  I got out there and it was awesome.  So awesome!  I did my 'ol 4.5 mile loop that I love so much and even made really great time!!

I don't have to start training for a few more weeks, but I'm excited to know that I can still get in a good outside run every now and then!!  Yay me!!

And just for fun, here is a pic I found on the web, this was an actual sign along the half marathon route last year!! Too funny!!!

Christ-mas Recap 2012

Our little world sure has been busy!  Have I ever mentioned that V's family is huge, huge-huge!  Thankfully after 6 Christmases I have everyone's name down, such was not always the case, yikes! :)

This year we started establishing our own traditions and I made sure to inform V's mom, I love her but she would certainly eat up every free second we have if I don't set some boundaries.  Christmas Eve we got up early as usual and ate, I had lit a tree scented candle and put on some Christmas music while setting all of our gifts in the center of the living room for Liam to rip into.  He had such a blast pulling bows and ribbon off, he even pulled the wrapping paper off (something he's never had much interest in it before).  Because V's family is so large we didn't over indulge Liam, we bought him a few outfits, some jammies (tradition starting), a little toddler chair and a magna-doddle all of which were a huge hit with him so mission accomplished.  V and I did gifts and played with the little guy until nap time.

While Liam napped I made some green beans as my contribution to Christmas dinner at V's paternal grandparents house later in the day.  (They turned out just a little spicey but everyone seemed to enjoy them as there were no leftovers, also no one noticed I used turkey bacon!)  Dinner was fun, then we all went to our respective church services which was a challenge with no childcare, Liam only sat through half of the
Christmas morning V got up with Liam and let me rest since I hardly slept the night before, after a short nap we all scurried around and got ready (while making a egg side for brunch) to head out to V's parents for the day.  Brunch was fun and tasty then we opened gifts.  It was nice to have both V's paternal grandparents and maternal grandma there with us again.  Although I have to admit I was getting nervous as we were passed Liam's nap time again, it was a recipe for disaster, but he did ok through gifts and loved opening anything anyone would let him.  He's such a little ham when surrounded by family, it's obvious that he is so love which just warms my heart to watch!  He was spoiled with more toys by each and every person (almost).  Thankfully after that he took a nap and so did I!

The rest of the day we lounged around, more family streamed in and out, lots of snacks were had and white elephant gifts exchanged.  V and I went home earlier than planned so Liam could have a relaxing bath before bed and all of us could get much needed rest.  Even V turned in early.

All in all it was super busy but very fun.  Next year I really want to focus more on building our traditions and making it less about stuff and running around and more about the true meaning that it should be.  I'm hoping since we'll be in our new home that some of the celebration can be had there.

I hope each of you had a fantastic Christmas!
Much Love,
Jen

Unimaginable Saddness for Newtown, CT

I feel weird even writing about this, I just wish it were all a horrible-horrible dream.  The pain of the whole town of Newtown, CT is unimaginable.  I've been strategically avoiding the media coverage, it just hits a different place in my heart now that I'm a mom.  Unfortunately you can't avoid it forever, I started listening to little bits of President Obama's speech last night while I folded laundry (and Liam unfolded it, lol).  I cried hearing him speak the names of the 20 children lost (I changed the channel so I don't know if he spoke the 6 lost adults names).  I cried on the way to work as they discussed the funerals of those little children.  It all just breaks my heart.

It's unfortunate that tragic events like this happen, and it seems like this one has shaken us all a little deeper.  I refuse to think about it in too much depth....I just can't.  Often times, when something like this happens I get a bit consumed and read/watch everything I can get my hands on, like much of America.  (Personally I think this is a bit of the problem)  Not this time though, I'm acting on gut instinct like on Friday night when I abruptly cancelled Liam's sleepover at G'ma's.  I just needed him home, much more than I needed a date night.  Instead our evening was full of toddler giggles and random hugs (Liam's new thing) and I wouldn't have it any other way.

This horrible event has had a seemingly universal effect on all of us, we're all grabbing our loved ones, no matter the age, and pulling them just a little closer for a moment longer.  On Saturday afternoon as I was putting Liam down for his nap he rested his head on my shoulder and instantly fell asleep, instead of laying him down I sat in the rocker in his room and just held him, it was so peaceful as he pressed against my chest I could have stayed there for three hours (and I considered it).  I slowly lay him down after a good 20 minutes, he peaked open one eye and smiled before falling back to sleep.  It was priceless.  And instead of scurrying off to the gym while Liam napped I snuggled in V's arms while he watched his man shows.

We've all been taken back, we're all making vows to be kinder, gentler, more patient and more present....I just wish it didn't have to come as a result of this unspeakable tragedy, and I hope we are all still living by these vows in three months.

I hope and pray that this madness ends, that our eyes fewer and fewer of this horrible events until there are no such things.  I realize full well that the likelihood of all this is essentially nonexistent but I a girl mom can hope and dream.

Much Love,
Jen

I Can't _____, But I Can ____

Today I was just sitting at my desk, enjoying a much needed silent little break.  I was think about a couple friends who are pregnant and the fact that, yes, I'm jealous.  Not big angry/bitter jealous just silent, slightly sad jealous.  Then another friend messaged me (I had replied to her status about how she enjoyed her birthday)...she went on to tell me that it had been six years since she enjoyed a birthday because six years two weeks before her birthday she went into premature labor and gave birth to her son at only 16 weeks gestation and he died.  For the last six years she hated, dreaded and sometimes couldn't bear her birthday.  Understandably so.

I was sitting in the silence of my office just reflecting on that.  I obviously can't (and won't try) to explain why God allowed her to go into labor so early and why her son couldn't have lived.  I'm not going to say "everything happens for a reason" because I'd punch someone straight in the face who said that to me.  Instead I'm choosing to be thankful that she has two beautiful healthy daughters (19 & 8).

I remember so well when V and I were trying for a baby, month after month I hoped and prayed to be pregnant.  But I also secretly prayed that I would rather never get pregnant if God planned on taking my baby from me.  I feared miscarriage with every inch of my soul (as most mothers do).  I am so thankful that I got to have just one pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful, healthy, funny, sweet little boy.  Unfortunately I only get that one pregnancy, we won't even try (and are actively preventing) future pregnancies because it's what's safest.  I have one wonderful miracle baby and I'm so thankful to have him.

Which brings me to my title.  This whole thought process got me thinking, I registered for my 2nd Half Marathon this yesterday (Yikes!)....I can't have more babies BUT I can run races.....and I love running (or as real runners would call it jogging).  I'm choosing to be thankful for the blessing of Liam and the blessing of a supportive husband who will go all the way to Portland to watch me run.  I have so much to be thankful for....today I feel just crazy blessed.  I can't give Liam more biological siblings BUT I can (and hopefully will) foster a child that needs our love desperately and though this Liam can be a big brother.  I can't do a lot of things BUT I can be the best mom ever to Liam and any child(ren) that we are blessed with through fostering.

Much Love & Thanks,
Jen

Rock & Roll {Half} Marathon Series 2013

Today (on 12/12/12) you can save yourself $20 off the registration cost of Rock & Roll Series Races.  Today I bit the bullet and registered for my 2nd Half Marathon...Portland Rock and Roll Half Marathon.  Yikes!  Looks like I'm actually doing this!

I actually told V that I wanted my registration fee for the race to be at least part of my Christmas present since I thought it would be over $80 (I paid $66.50 with today's discount).  I'm blessed to have his total support and the support of my amazing friends.

I have at most 6 weeks before I start training and cleaning up my eating!  I'll post my training plan soon!  This will also be part of my 2013 Goal List I'm working on (and also promise to post soon).

Yikes, lots happening soon quickly!  I also need to post about the flooring I picked out (I pick out other finishes tomorrow!  Lots of posts coming soon, promise!

Much Love,
Jen

My Body 18 Months After Baby

This post is full of TMI so if the thought of that makes you qweezy turn back now, you've been warned.


First I'll start with the elephant in the room, or lack thereof.  I've lost 63 pounds since having Liam.  I gained 49 of those while pregnant.  I had a lot of swelling but it still took a lot of effort to loose the weight.  I've kept it off now for just shy of a year.  At first I just lost the weight, I was skinny fat.  I looked thin but had little muscle to speak of.  I counted calories {using MyFitnessPal.com}for over 9 months straight, almost every day.  Last Spring I took up running jogging, this improved the condition of my body immensely.  It also kept me sane while I dealt with my Autoimmune Disease.  Although I'm now what many people call skinny (I prefer healthy) I'm not as confient as you would think.

First I have stretch marks, the worst of which are on my breasts.  Most of them have faded greatly....except on my breasts.  I got those nasty purple ones that are deep as the grand canyon on my breasts.  I tried hard to breast feed Liam for the first three months of his life, during those three months 90% of my milk was in my right breast, it was literally a solid D and the left one was a small B.  I'd also like to take a moment to say not all women get stretch marks just on their breasts and bellies, I have some in the oddest of places.....I'll leave it at that.

Which brings me to my next topic; my breasts or lack thereof.  You know how some women joke about their breasts resembling tube socks with sand in the bottom after having a baby?  They weren't joking.  For a wide variety of reasons (including my weight gain and loss) my breasts are a very small B on a good day (you know those days when you had too much salt the day before?).  They also are empty feeling, I don't know a better way to say it than that, it's odd at best.

And lastly my stomach.  While it's flater than I would have imagined it would ever be I still have some loose skin around my belly button.  It's not horrible but it's weird sometimes.  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get it even sort of tight again.

These things leave me uncomfortable even sorta naked, even around my husband.  He doesn't seem to mind but I dunno, I guess I'm still just a little uncomfortable in this body.  It still feels a little foreign to me.  Please don't think I'd trade Liam for my old body because I would NOT.  I'm proud of this strange new body, first and foremost it gave me Liam that in itself is a miracle I would not trade for anything.  This body made it through the crazy experience which was (and unfortunately looks like will be [more on this later]) my Autoimmune Disease.  Last but not least this body did a Half Marathon in 2 hours and 42 minutes.  I really am in the best shape of my life, it's just superficial stuff that bothers me.

I guess my real point is I'm not as confident as you would expect me to be, even though I'm certainly in the best shape of my life.  I have a co-worker who is on her journey to loosing some weight, she constantly says things about wanting to look like me and sometimes I think to myself "you don't want these boobs or belly trust me."  I suppose the real lesson here is to not compare ourselves to others, no matter what they may look like etc. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

Much Love (and Honestly)
-Jen

Speak to me

Some days 18 months seems so little then some days it feels like life is speeding by me at immeasurable speeds.

It was this time last year Liam was just figuring out how to roll over front to back now he's climbing every piece of furniture we own like a well skilled mountain goat!  It was just before Thanksgiving last year that we tried rice cereal for the first time....last night he had pizza for dinner! What?!  He's also picking up on words we use (or phrases like telling the dog to "GO!").  Apparently that time he said "Doggie" perfectly was a fluke because he's never said it since BUT he's currently working on a list of D words: Dog, Duck, Down....I'm sure there are more he's working on that escape my short term memory.  He's long mastered Deer (sounds like Diah), he will even look for them out the windows of my in-laws home where they are common place.

On weekday mornings Liam already helps with our routine bringing me his shoes (matching ones even!).  He's pretty easy going about having his teeth brushed after breakfast, getting dressed and out the door even in his big coat.  He really loves his buddies at Nanna's house especially now that a little boy is going there too.

Thankfully Liam still loves sleep, he goes down at 7:30p and gets up about 6:50am on weekdays and on weekends we allow him to sleep until he wakes which normally is about 7:15am-ish.  He's also fully transitioned to one nap usually around noon for 2.5-3 hours.  He still sleeps in his crib, we don't plan to convert it to a toddler bed until we move at which point he'll be 21 months (we'll see how the move goes it may be closer to his 2nd bday).

Eating has been interesting lately, he has days where he is just picky and won't even eat meals he usually loves.  Very strange.  But we are committed to not being short order cooks so if he doesn't eat his meal then he'll have to wait until the next.  Liam has already picked up on this and will usually eat at least some of whatever his meal is.  We still offer him snacks but not his favorite ones, we don't want him to learn that he can skip healthy meals and still get his favorite treats.  This appears to be working....so far.  He's certainly growing so we know he's not missing too many meals.  He's currently fitting into 18-24 month clothing perfectly, 2T runs just a little big but isn't horrible (he doesn't seem to mind).

Liam is such a good and sweet little boy.  I feel so very blessed.  I'm so thankful that we were able to have him, he's truly a miracle.  It's still hard for me to fully accept that we aren't able to have more children but it's gotten significantly easier...on the more challenging days I just focus hard on devoting all my energy to being the best mom to Liam and when all else fails I go to the gym cuz that always helps! :)

Much Love,
Jen

Lazy-ish Weekend

With all the stress I've been dealing with over the last ~2 weeks I was a bit over whelmed when it came to this weekend, we had a lot planned and I started to get anxious, I just didn't see how we could really get it all done....so I started canceling whatever I could.  More than anything I needed down time with my family (and maybe a workout).  May I just say, Mission Accomplished.

A brief overview of our weekend:

Friday Night: Dinner with V's parents & a Movie on the sofa after Liam was in bed (Men in Black II, very good btw)

Saturday:
Shortly after we all got up and had eaten breakfast V insisted I head to the gym for my favorite BodyCombat Class and I listened, it was wonderful and I needed it
Liam and I did Parent-Tot swim lessons, so much fun!
Lunch & Family nap time
Liam and I ran a couple errands (I found an adorble shirt at The Gap 50% off!)
Liam and I grabbed smoothies (his first) before heading home for dinner with V and play time
After Liam was in bed V and I did our own thing, I finished The Last Lecute (I highly recommend it!) and went to be early...V played video games


Sunday:
Liam slept until almost 9:30am, two hours later than normal which means we all got to sleep in....it was glorious (we also missed church again, oh well).
After a lovely lazy morning we all got ready and ran over to have Liam's picture taken with Santa (I had cancelled our appt with the photographer we usually use and decided to just get an affordable one which turned out great!  10 mins in and out)
Liam is currently napping while V watches tv and I mess around on here, later Liam and I will volunteer in the nursery at church for evening service.

This weekend was exactly what I needed, I could really use another two days like this!  My stress level has dropped significantly (Thank God!) and I feel as prepared as I can be for the week ahead.

Much Love,
Jen