Today I was just sitting at my desk, enjoying a much needed silent little break. I was think about a couple friends who are pregnant and the fact that, yes, I'm jealous. Not big angry/bitter jealous just silent, slightly sad jealous. Then another friend messaged me (I had replied to her status about how she enjoyed her birthday)...she went on to tell me that it had been six years since she enjoyed a birthday because six years two weeks before her birthday she went into premature labor and gave birth to her son at only 16 weeks gestation and he died. For the last six years she hated, dreaded and sometimes couldn't bear her birthday. Understandably so.
I was sitting in the silence of my office just reflecting on that. I obviously can't (and won't try) to explain why God allowed her to go into labor so early and why her son couldn't have lived. I'm not going to say "everything happens for a reason" because I'd punch someone straight in the face who said that to me. Instead I'm choosing to be thankful that she has two beautiful healthy daughters (19 & 8).
I remember so well when V and I were trying for a baby, month after month I hoped and prayed to be pregnant. But I also secretly prayed that I would rather never get pregnant if God planned on taking my baby from me. I feared miscarriage with every inch of my soul (as most mothers do). I am so thankful that I got to have just one pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful, healthy, funny, sweet little boy. Unfortunately I only get that one pregnancy, we won't even try (and are actively preventing) future pregnancies because it's what's safest. I have one wonderful miracle baby and I'm so thankful to have him.
Which brings me to my title. This whole thought process got me thinking, I registered for my 2nd Half Marathon this yesterday (Yikes!)....I can't have more babies BUT I can run races.....and I love running (or as real runners would call it jogging). I'm choosing to be thankful for the blessing of Liam and the blessing of a supportive husband who will go all the way to Portland to watch me run. I have so much to be thankful for....today I feel just crazy blessed. I can't give Liam more biological siblings BUT I can (and hopefully will) foster a child that needs our love desperately and though this Liam can be a big brother. I can't do a lot of things BUT I can be the best mom ever to Liam and any child(ren) that we are blessed with through fostering.
Much Love & Thanks,