December 18, 2012

Unimaginable Saddness for Newtown, CT

I feel weird even writing about this, I just wish it were all a horrible-horrible dream.  The pain of the whole town of Newtown, CT is unimaginable.  I've been strategically avoiding the media coverage, it just hits a different place in my heart now that I'm a mom.  Unfortunately you can't avoid it forever, I started listening to little bits of President Obama's speech last night while I folded laundry (and Liam unfolded it, lol).  I cried hearing him speak the names of the 20 children lost (I changed the channel so I don't know if he spoke the 6 lost adults names).  I cried on the way to work as they discussed the funerals of those little children.  It all just breaks my heart.

It's unfortunate that tragic events like this happen, and it seems like this one has shaken us all a little deeper.  I refuse to think about it in too much depth....I just can't.  Often times, when something like this happens I get a bit consumed and read/watch everything I can get my hands on, like much of America.  (Personally I think this is a bit of the problem)  Not this time though, I'm acting on gut instinct like on Friday night when I abruptly cancelled Liam's sleepover at G'ma's.  I just needed him home, much more than I needed a date night.  Instead our evening was full of toddler giggles and random hugs (Liam's new thing) and I wouldn't have it any other way.

This horrible event has had a seemingly universal effect on all of us, we're all grabbing our loved ones, no matter the age, and pulling them just a little closer for a moment longer.  On Saturday afternoon as I was putting Liam down for his nap he rested his head on my shoulder and instantly fell asleep, instead of laying him down I sat in the rocker in his room and just held him, it was so peaceful as he pressed against my chest I could have stayed there for three hours (and I considered it).  I slowly lay him down after a good 20 minutes, he peaked open one eye and smiled before falling back to sleep.  It was priceless.  And instead of scurrying off to the gym while Liam napped I snuggled in V's arms while he watched his man shows.

We've all been taken back, we're all making vows to be kinder, gentler, more patient and more present....I just wish it didn't have to come as a result of this unspeakable tragedy, and I hope we are all still living by these vows in three months.

I hope and pray that this madness ends, that our eyes fewer and fewer of this horrible events until there are no such things.  I realize full well that the likelihood of all this is essentially nonexistent but I a girl mom can hope and dream.

Much Love,

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