My first Barlow Girl Concert

Will certainly not be my last!! Before last night I knew very little about them, after last night I will always be a maga-fan! Not only are they 3 amazingly talented sisters (each played no less than two instruments during the concert), who are beautiful and clearly intelligent but they have such an amazing love for the Lord!
They shared so much truth that spoke to me and touched my heart in a really peaceful way. I long to share what they did but fear I will butcher it horribly but here goes.

Alyssa spoke about vines in vineyard. Apparently there are only two kinds: one is watered constantly and will produce fruit for 2-3 years at most before it's completely useless and must be torn up and burned. The other is rarely watered which causes it great stress and leads it to dig in deep to the ground and seek natural waters, this vine will produce fruit for about 9 years. Not only that it is the highest quality fruit. Later she spoke about how she was diagnosed, at 18, with a rare disease (the name of which I can not recall) and the doctors told her that within a year she would not be able to walk and the pain would be so bad that she would certainly be addicted to pain pills. Alyssa got up everyday in excruciating pain, and choose to walk and press into the Lord. She said she "never got offended" that he didn't immediately answer her prayers and cries for healing. She just got up everyday and pressed into the Lord. And one year to the day she was completely healed. The doctors can't explain it, but really what doctor can explain a miracle? She spoke about "what would have happened if I had gotten offended at day 364 that the Lord had not answered my prayers?".

I found Alyssa's story amazing, but nothing is too amazing for my Lord! This is standard for him! If we remain in him, pressing in, believing and walking the path he has laid out, no matter how hard, we will eventually reach that natural water that is him and he will answer us! Don't get me wrong here, I do not believe that the Lord will always answer us the way we would choose but I do believe that he always answers us, if we allow him his time.

I am so moved but in a really peaceful way! I can totally see that the Lord is speaking to me through this. I felt I the Lord tell me to walk this path (about the baby stuff) and he will provide me with the desires of my heart in HIS time. WOW! OK Lord, your will, you clearly know the desires of my heart. I will walk your path, dig in deeper and wait on your ways. I love you Jesus!

Fears and Hope

When V. and I agreed to get off birth control I had a few fears, here are the rational ones:
1. I would gain tons of weight (tons defined as above 15)
2. my face would become one large zit or worse just be completely covered in them
3. I would be a hormonal mess
4. My migraines would take over and be MUCH more frequent
5. that my period would never come back

So far most of my fears have not transpired into reality. I have not yet gained any weight (I gained a few pounds over the holidays but got rid of them fairly quickly so I don't count them). I have had a few zits here and there, they are bigger than they used to be, and more painful but they are not as bad as I worried. Hormones, I have them that is for use but they are not as bad as I worried. I would say I'm a bit more sensitive but I am by far happier and ah...well my desire has increased let's just say that ;) I am beyond happy to report that I have not had a single migraine since ending my birth control, I always believed the birth control caused them! And my period....well I haven't seen her yet this month. Yes I am a bit concerned but my doctor and her assistant say it is fine so I refuse to freak out.

Fear and lies are the only tool the devil has, he will make good use of them to hold us hostage if we let him. I refuse (REFUSE) to give up hope and be trapped by my fear.

I won't lie, some days I have little hope in my heart (concerning this whole baby thing). I get down and sad and I worry. But the truth is I have nothing to worry about yet, it can take months for my body to figure this whole thing out. Why should I expect her to understand overnight what I want her to do after a decade of birth control? Even on the worst days I still have some hope, and I cling to it. Right now that is all I need, some hope, just enough to get me by on the bad days because on the good days I am absolutely full of hope! Today is a good day!

What a difference a day makes!

Yesterday I was so down in the dumps, grumpy and just overall bummed out. ~Whew~ what a difference a day makes! Today I’m all sunshine and rainbows! I’m beginning to see why I get like that though. I get overwhelmed easier than I used to. A few years ago I worked at least 2 full-time or nearly full-time jobs (to put myself through school full time) and held at least one volunteer position, and had a boyfriend. I could go and go and be just fine, I was like the female, early twenties energizer Bunny! I didn’t have time to get overwhelmed, if I thought about how much I had to do, well I probably would have completely freaked out (I already had serious insomnia). These days I work one full time job, I finished my degree, don’t volunteer anywhere and have a husband I everyday (although being married should count as a full time job, LOL). I work out 3 times a week and have plenty of time to spend with girl friends etc. Throw in studying to become a personal trainer, church once a week and small group (also once a week). Add a little (well A LOT) of my planner mentality and tendency to be somewhat of a neat freak….and the vicious cycle begins. I feel like I’m always running, trying to keep up with a million different things. I want to make dinner every night, spend time with my husband, have some me time and workout and study and, and, and…..there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all.

I must learn to chill out. But do you know how stressful it can be to constantly try to not stress out? It’s a vicious cycle. I try to remind myself “Will this matter in 5 years? If not: CHILL!” But that is often easier said than done.
Another thing I need to get better at is allowing myself some me time. I rarely do this. I used to make myself a priority at least for a few minutes every few days if not most days, but that is easy when you are single and live alone. It’s easy to shut out the world for 10 minutes. Not so much when you feel the need to cook dinner every night, clean up the house, to work out and study and oh yeah that guy you married-spend time with him. The days feel shorter and shorter with each breath.
Changes need to be made, but how? Set achievable Goals!
Goal 1:
Look through cook books (each weekend), preplan week’s worth of meals, make grocery list
Goal 2:
Learn recipes to make at least one meal a week in crock pot (get grocery during bi-weekly trip to grocery store)
Sub-goal: purchase more items that can be easily made/quick meals (healthy too)
Goal 3:
Write out weekly time line that includes dedicated: workouts, study time, me time, date night.
Goal 4:
Make weekly chore list (share chores with husband as to not overwhelm self)
Goal 5:
Take some time to stop and smell the flowers, remember life is short.