April 10, 2012

Torn between Nanna & G'ma

I'm in a bit of a pickle with our childcare situation.....

"Nanna" is a family friend we pay to watch Liam, she has had him 4 days a week since he was 7 weeks old.  She is amazing, she has done everything we've asked of her without batting an eye, she loves Liam and Liam loves her (and the two little girls Nanna watches).  She is reasonably priced, her home is safe and I trust her.

But ever since Liam was born his G'ma (V's Mom) has wanted to quit her job and watch Liam full time.  It seemed like a pipe dream until very recently.  Basically G'ma wants to retire and watch Liam full time (she currently only watches him on Fridays because she's off).  BUT G'ma and G'pa can't afford for her to not work just yet so she wants V and I to pay her to watch Liam.  It's not a matter of money, I will gladly pay for childcare...

There are pros and cons to each.  I am deeply concerned that her time with Liam will become work and she will not enjoy being a G'ma like she has.  I know that Liam will benefit from having a deeper relationship with G'ma and G'pa (as well as Great G'ma who lives with G'ma & G'pa)....but I want Liam to be around other children too.  I expect my rules to be followed, Liam is my child...I am his parent, I know what is best for him.  G'ma has already broken two rules that hurt me deeply, the hurt wasn't intentional and has been addressed..... I just worry about loosing Nanna as Liam's primary care provider then being unhappy with G'ma.  As far as Liam being around other children, G'ma has mentioned taking him to play dates etc which actually really bothers me, I'm his mom! I want to do the fun things, Nanna doesn't take Liam on play dates....  G'ma also mentioned perhaps she could watch Liam 2-4 days a week and Nanna could do the rest, personally this is a No.  I don't want Liam bouncing all over the place to accommodate G'ma's lifestyle.  I am a firm beleiver that children need consistency and thrive when they have structure.

Perhaps your thinking "Well then just keep Nanna as Liam's childcare provider."  To be honest I wish I could, I wish it were that easy.  I know the income helps Nanna and she has become like family to me.  I know she doesn't want to watch the kiddos forever but at least for the next two years I know she is committed to us and the other kiddo's parents.  It's no big surprise that V and I don't see eye-to-eye on this, he wants his mom to watch Liam and I would prefer to stay with Nanna.  I don't want to hurt my mother-in-law's feelings, I love her but I don't want her to raise my child.

Oy.  Anyone out there have any advice?

I can relate.


  1. All I can say is at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you hurt your mother-in-laws feelings. You're the parent! Personally, I think it's best to have someone outside of the family be the primary caregiver when you are at work. I think tying in family with such an important responsibility can get ugly--fast. Families are difficult. I'd keep family situations and child-caregiver situations separate. You've got a good thing going right now. I would keep it that way.

  2. Hey Sweetie! I have thought of this long and hard and I agree with Em. I ran into an ugly situation between my Mom and my girls for a little while after I chose to have her watch my girls while Steve and I took trips. She started parenting my girls and offering all sorts of ideas and gave me her concerns about how they were growing up. It affected how they feel about her now and I would be afraid Liam would feel torn between doing what his GMa wants and his Mom. Keep Nana, this is what Liam knows and she sounds very good for him. And you will feel so much better knowing how well he is being taken care of daily. Kit